Elfenwolf on Cats: Who says you can't teach cats? I taught my wife's cats to run for their fuggin lives. One of her cats toejams in my flower bed no matter what kind of animal repellant I put on it. Finally I started beating the cat with a rolled up newspaper while I rubbed his nose in the crap. My wife asked me how I knew it was that particular cat. I responded that if it wasn't him he better learn to keep all the other cats out of my flowerbed. After I beat him two or three times I couldn't get close to him so I had my daughter get him for me. After she handed him over two or three times and I then beat his bellybutton while rubbing his face in cat toejam she couldn't get close to him either. So I had my wife catch the cat and hand him over to me for a beating and face rubbing. Now the cat stays away from all of us and he was still toejamting in my flower bed. What finally stopped it was I got those bamboo b-b-q shishkabob skewers and placed them every couple of inches in the flower bed so the cat can't squat without getting jabbed in the ass. It worked great, but my neighbors thought I was weirding out and putting punji sticks in the ground so they called the VA and now I have to go see my psych next week which means he'll readjust my meds again. And on top of all that the friggin cat sprayed the inside of my pickup. I hate cats.
