Obituary of Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, by the name of common
sense.
Common Sense lived a long life, but died in the United States from heart
failure on the beginning of the new millennium. No one really knows how old
he was, since his birth records were lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes,
factories, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For
decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits had no power over
Common Sense.
He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to
come out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't
always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you earn ), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge,
not the kids ), and it's okay to come in second.
A veteran of the industrial revolution, the Great Depression, and the
Technical Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends
including body piercing, whole language, and "new math." But his health
declined when he became infected with the "If it only helps one person, it's
worth it" virus.
In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of
well intentioned, but overbearing, regulations.
He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers.
His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented
zero-tolerance policies.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and
a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his
condition.
It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to
administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parents when a
female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, Churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment
than their victims, and Federal Judges stuck their noses in everything from
the Boy Scouts to professional sports.
Finally, when a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was
hot, awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic, but was kept
informed of developments regarding questionable regulations, such as those
for the low flow of toilets, rocking chairs, and step ladders.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; His
wife, Discretion; His daughter, Responsibility, and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
-Author Unknown
