I was driving my Panzer down a lonely stretch of sandy desert minding my own business, but desperately trying to find a vehicle hanger or enemy contact I could rape and destroy with bloody violence. When an enemy airplane appears. No problem, I say as I jump into my pea shooting machine gun turret, I will just scare him away with a few rounds from “old Betsy” (or Grunhilda depending on your nationality). He must have seen my deadly determined eyes staring him down through the sights of my single machine gun because he ignored me completely and flew off over the horizon. Alas, it is hard to find a worthy opponent having such a notorious online reputation.
I returned to my quest, and noticed a road stretching across the sandy plains. Knowing that targets of opportunity are bound to be discovered at its end or along its lonely course, I decide to follow it to its ultimate destination. As I was harmlessly practicing the art of keeping a Panzer rolling straight with a 24-mile per hour full head of steam, I happened to glance behind me. Was that a truck convoy way back in the distance, just becoming recognizable over the horizon behind me? Sure enough, in a few minutes, as I crane my gun position around and zoom in fully, I can clearly recognize the outline of the lead truck bearing down on my position. My mind begins to wander contemplating the many ways to destroy such a nice juicy target that is sure to fall victim to the ferocious machine of war that I was then driving. Time slips by as I occasionally check behind me noting the progress of the oncoming convoy. Having destroyed many enemy vehicles using the .50 cals on LVT’s and M-3’s, I decide to dispatch this group as they reach machine gun range. This is a perfectly logical plan, since the mere sight of my manned machine gun so effectively scared off the recent airplane contact.
I carefully align my tank along the road so it will hold course precisely in front of the oncoming vehicles. I do not want to have to maneuver at all while I pelt this convoy with my machine gun fire. All things are properly aligned, my tank with the road, and my machine gun with the convoy, and I open fire. Adjusting my aim to correct for the first few rounds that land short, I see a constant stream of gunfire registering pings on the lead truck. One second, Two seconds, three seconds, no explosion. I continue to fire, waiting for the inevitable explosion. A little annoyed, I move my aim around on the truck looking for a more vulnerable part of the vehicle. Still no explosion. Concerned now, I pause and consider; maybe I should switch to my main gun. No, just a few more rounds and then I will switch. Surely it is about to explode. One, Two seconds more, and still nothing.
Now I realize, even if I now kill the front vehicle, there are still several more behind him. Will they simply pass through me and continue on to their target? Surely they cannot harm a Panzer. They are too close now, and closing faster than I would like, I quickly go to my main gun and immediately squeeze off an AP round since the vehicle fills the gun sight. It is too late, and to my complete astonishment, my Panzer is picked up and flipped on its side by the onrushing column of vehicles. “You have been killed,” I read on the display buffer as I watch the computer sweep me back to the vehicle tower I had originated from. I stare at the screen in shocked disbelief of the event that has just taken place. I am such a moron… Note to everyone, beware of objects in the mirror, they are more deadly than they seem.
