Author Topic: Things I've learned in grocery... (Read 233 times)

texace · « **on:** July 28, 2002, 01:33:38 AM »

Working at a grocery store for a little over a year has taught me a few things...most of which I will relate. This is jsut in case YOU get into grocery...

- The average American male cannot carry out a half basket of bagged groceries on their own.

-the above average American male, or body builders, cannot carry out a quarter basket of groceries on their own.

-the average American elderly woman can carry out two fully loaded baskets on her own.

-if someone buys over $200 of groceries, they usually drive a Miata.

-if someone buys less that $50 of groceries, they drive a Ford F-350 quad cab.

-the average Albertson's shopping cart weighs about 50 pounds.

-five Albertson's shopping carts weigh 9,000 pounds.

-when rolling, an Albertson's shopping cart can reach speeds of up to 15 MPH.

-the average courtesy clerk can run at 6 MPH or less.

-the average courtesy clerk will get griped at by three customers for doing a shoddy job.

-the not-so-average courtesy clerk (that's me) will gripe back at them...losing their business.

-the average American teenager loves to try and buy cigarettes.

-the average American teenager also loves to steal cigarettes.

-the average American teenager can run at 3-5 MPH.

-the average American teenager cannot withstand a 15 minute beating from the not-so-average courtesy clerk.

-...neither can his car.

-the not-so-average courtesy clerk cannot withstand a 5 minute beating from the local cops.

-the average courtesy clerk does not accept tips.

-the not-so-average courtesy clerk accepts tips and encourages it.

-the average courtesy clerk does his job without question.

-the not-so-average courtesy clerk will slack off and get paid for it.

-the not-so-average courtesy clerk loves to give the other clerks a hard time.

-the not-so-average courtesy clerk cannot withstnad the beatings of 5 average courtesy clerks.

-customers love to squeak at cashiers.

-the not-so-average courtesy clerk loves to squeak at these customers.

-dry ice is very, very cold.

-dry ice should not be licked by the the not-so-average courtesy clerk.

-the not-so-average courtesy clerk pretends to work.

-Albertson's pretends to pay.

-the Albertson's Preferred Card allows customers to save money, and it is easy to use.

-Albertson's customers hate the Preferred Card...

Sorry...I was bored...back to work...

Braz · « **Reply #1 on:** July 28, 2002, 01:29:38 PM »

Nice TA,

I'm not sure anyone will be working grocery much longer. They are testing these new self-checkout lanes. One central checker to watch as customers slide the items across the scanner and then bag them. There is another tech that hopes to scan the entire cart of items at once. Carts are weighed to avoid theft.

Now if the suits could figure a way to get customers to stock the shelves, robots could do the rest. Service at a grocery store?

Service stations led the way. They used to have 4 guys rush out to "service" your car. Now I routinely wake up the sleeping student inside the bulletproof cage when I gas up.

Thrawn · « **Reply #2 on:** July 28, 2002, 01:58:03 PM »

LOL!

capt. apathy · « **Reply #3 on:** July 28, 2002, 03:03:47 PM »

you forgot one of the best things I learned when I worked grocery(years ago)

Bored housewifes love to throw on thin dresses and no underwear and have long talks with the clerk while the sun is at their back.

that was about the best part of that job, other than that the work sucked and so did the pay, although we did have A/C in the summer, kinda miss that too.

whgates3 · « **Reply #4 on:** July 28, 2002, 07:02:24 PM »

thx 4 the great news Braz - the fewer people in the store the more time i can spend drinkin' in the beer refrigerator w/out getting noticed (try it, but bring a jacket even in summer)

funkedup · « **Reply #5 on:** July 28, 2002, 07:35:30 PM »

Yep let's hear it for braless female customers.

The only lesson I remember is to never put a hand truck with 5 cases of eggs in front of the swinging doors leading out of the back room into the store.

Creamo · « **Reply #6 on:** July 28, 2002, 10:49:52 PM »

My Dad kicked me out of the house when I was almost 18.

I thought, “What a bastard!”

It’s perfectly clear now.

Thanks Pops.

Holden McGroin · « **Reply #7 on:** July 28, 2002, 11:11:38 PM »

Just two to add.

1. Safeway and others with their nazi club cards... Big bro is alive and well, as the only thing they collect with the club is information about your individual buying habits... What do they do with it?

Read the following with a fake hollywood german accent) "You did not buy kumquats... you always buy kumquats on Thursdays. Why did you not buy your kumquats?"

2. There is a electromagnetic vortex in ailse 3 that allows me to become invisible. 6'-4" 235# and I walk down the aisle and some lady is oblivious to my presence. At that point, I must be invisible....