OK I'll play too:
1. Which item is most useful? a shovel - Even if you have no other possessions, you can use the shovel to get what you need.
2. Which would you rather have? a bazooka - By far the most useful thing on the list.
3. Which of the following makes you most uncomfortable? having your fingernails ripped out with a pair of pliers - Duh
4. Circus clowns are annoying - They are only scary if you take hallucinogenics.
5. How often do you wash your hands? occasionally
6. Husband - Assuming she is attractive.
7. Neighborhood Dogs - I don't like dogs.
8. Waste Disposal - All of the other problems are minor.
9. The most merciful thing in the world is Ignorance
10. The word "R'lyeh" rhymes with nothing any human tongue can pronounce
11. An Elder Sign is completely useless - If it was useful I'd know what it was.
12. When you're in an insane asylum and you find a door that's marked "Secret Laboratory: Keep Out!" you should go in - Must be cool stuff in there.
13. You are being attacked by ghouls. Your gun has six bullets. How many do you fire at the ghouls? Six - A stuffed ghoul would be a nice trophy.
14. The walls of your upstairs bedroom have begun to bleed. What should you do? slowly back out of the room and continue walking backwards down the stairs to safety - I want nothing to do with bleeding walls.
15. If you could have one and only one of the following, which would you choose? immortality - Given enough time I could figure out how to achieve the other two.
16. Appearances to the contrary, the world is governed in secret by a super-powerful cabal of fabulously wealthy occultists. false - They aren't all occultists.
17. Birds come in flocks. Sheep come in herds. Mi-Go come in battalions. - Something to use my shovel and revolver on.
18. If you heard Frank say "That Bob, he's a deep one," you would take it as a reason to shoot Frank. - STFU Frank you homo.
19. In an emergency, a lobotomy is best performed with alcohol. - Lower risk of infection.
20. Electro-convulsive therapy (shock treatment) can cause short-term memory failure. - I chose the 2nd one on the list.
21. Which is easiest to escape from? - Jury duty because of the nature of my employment.
22. Do you like to cook? no - They invented something to solve this problem, it's called "woman".
23. Does the top of your head feel soft? no
24. If you want to get from Damascus to Baghdad as quickly as possible and it's 1927, you should hijack a zeppelin - Zeppelins rule.
25. Have you ever seen the Sphinx come to life? don't be ridiculous. - I've never seen the sphinx.
26. Do you frequently hear voices even when no one is speaking?no
27. Do the voices encourage you to do things that make you uncomfortable? no
28. Do you have trouble forming intimate relationships? shut up!
29. The glass is... a crude but effective weapon - Again, must defend against ghouls or battalions of Mi-Go.
30. What is the first thing that comes to your mind? donuts - Mmmmm donuts.
31. Do you ever have a sense of deja vu? yes
32. Do you ever have a sense of deja vu? yes
33. Do you ever wake up screaming? yes - Not often, but I have.
34. Reality is overrated - That's why we have computer games.
35. Do you feel comfortable and 'part of the gang' at parties or in bars, or do you feel alienated from society and resent the happiness other people seem to feel? Yes - usually one or the other.
36. The laughter of children reminds you most of death. - Reminds me that I'm getting old.
37. Do you like to dress up in funny clothes? no
38. Do you like to drink coffee? yes
39. How often do you like to do you-know-what? daily
40. Are you plagued with facial tics or other involuntary muscle spasms? no
41. Did you by any chance witness the horrific murder of your own parents or find a mutilated corpse in your bathroom? neither
42. Finish this series: conception, birth, life, death, eternal damnation - At the current rate it's the probable outcome.
43. Finish this series: The Haunter of the Dark, The All-Seeing Eye, The Bloody Tongue,... The Impudent Rascal. - The series is obviously referring to a person or part thereof.
44. Fill in the blank: 'Oh god no, please don't ____" kill me! - Did I mention I'm afraid of dying?
45. Fill in the blank: 'Look at that mausoleum! If only I'd brought my ____' crowbar. - Nice complement to my shovel.
