I emailed him, but no response yet!
Here's a copy of my email:
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Dear President Bush,
I must admit that at this time I am still very disappointed about the failure of the U.S.A.F. to allow me to join said service as a ICBM launch Officer.
All previous negative reports about my mental state & mental stability (partial list below)...
'Frequency of air-inhalation induced violent rage syndrome in white male adults', Dr. (censored)
'Defining and naming new compulsive behaviors 4C: "The key secured red button addiction"', Dr. (censored)
'Now *that* was the absolutely craziest m*therf***er I ever treated!', Compilation, Journal of American Psychology
Etc.
...have been deemed non-applicable by my new Dr., a Dr. Manarugo Guiterrez (Graduate of the Petite St. Vincent School of Medicine, Psychology, and small watercraft engine repair).
In light of my most recent diagnosis of 'mentally fit to take on any role in society' I would ask for your personal assistance to aid me in working in my lifelong dream of a job: the guy in charge of the launching of an ICBM.
I feel there are 3 things that make me uniquely qualified for such a position.
First, having spent most of my adolescent and adult life alone in a quiet padded room, I feel that I would not suffer from feelings of isolation or boredom as I stared at that All Consuming Red Launch Button...for Hours on end...in a state of bliss...fervently awaiting your call to rain nuclear fire on the conspiracy of secret instigators that threaten the U.S. of A., those very same people who were responsible for allowing you steal the elec-
What I meant to say is that I am my own best company and am capable of maintaining focus even when I don't have a lot of entertainment at my disposal. In short, "I entertain myself".
Secondly, having fought psychic battles with the Bavarian/Republican Illuminati for countless years, my ability to resist enemy mind control is well developed and finely hon-
I can withstand extreme mental stresses is another way of putting it.
Thirdly, I must warn you that if I do not gain employment in the above mentioned field I will be forced to take up the offer of employment I have received from that fine U.K. newspaper 'The Guardian' as 'Foreign Liason reporting on the Humanitarian Achievements of Iraqi Internal Security Forces/U.K. liason to the Peace Loving Nonviolent Palestinian Forces for the Elimination of International Jewry'.
Respectfully Yours Until The Secret Enemy Has Been Burned to the last Man,
Mike (censored)
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Still waiting...
