Author Topic: Microsoft Technical Support  (Read 299 times)

Offline Reschke

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Microsoft Technical Support
« on: September 25, 2002, 12:11:56 PM »
I got this by email the other day.

Microsoft Technician
-------------------------
One of Microsoft's finest technicians was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given instruction on how to shoot and then given a rifle and some ammunition. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area; "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
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Reschke from March 2001 till tour 146
Founder and CO VF-17 Jolly Rogers September 2002 - December 2006
"I'm baaaaccccckkk!"

Offline bloom25

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Microsoft Technical Support
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2002, 10:50:52 AM »
Somewhere during that process, you would have been asked to take your boots off and put them back on (reboot ;) ) at least once.

Offline Reschke

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« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2002, 02:21:38 PM »
Damn Bloom I nearly sit my Coke all over the keyboard here when I saw that.
Buckshot
Reschke from March 2001 till tour 146
Founder and CO VF-17 Jolly Rogers September 2002 - December 2006
"I'm baaaaccccckkk!"

Offline bloom25

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Microsoft Technical Support
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2002, 05:04:55 PM »
The process of determining the fault would have probably also included the following steps in this order:

1.  The tech would have asked to have the rifle reloaded (reinstall) and again miss the mark completely.

2.  The tech would have blamed the whole incident on whomever drove him to the range.  (Bad or corrupted driver :) )  After leaving the range and returning in a cab the whole incident would be repeated, but it's likely that the tech would actually miss so badly he would hit the next target.  That would not be a bug, but rather an intended feature.

3.  In a feat of brain-power rarely observed in the typical M$ tech, the whole incident would be blamed on a bent cleaning ramrod. (Bad ram :D )  The tech would insist the rifle be cleaned with a new ramrod, but unfortunately the problem would still persist.

4.  Firmly convinced M$ could not be at fault, the tech would examine the gun's serial number and check it against the blacklisted serial number list.  Finding this was, in fact, a genuine copy, and surprising enough just like every other M16 in the world, the problem would still be unresolved.

5.  The tech would blame the whole incident on a 3rd party.

Of course, the real problem from the beginning is that the typical Microsoft tech isn't qualified to fire an assault rifle.  (On a similar note, some apparantly barely possess the minimum intellegence level necessary to work on a computer...)

Offline bloom25

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« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2002, 05:35:38 PM »
I thought of a few more:

1.  The tech would ask to have a new, updated, magazine that holds more rounds installed before firing again.  (Critical updates)

2.  The tech would ask the government to state that all rounds had passed through the center of the target.  To do otherwise would be, in Microsoft's words, "a threat to US soldiers fighting in Afganistan."  (Microsoft refused to release Windows source code during the anti-trust trial stating that some of it was so poorly written that it was a threat to national security and put the lives of allied soldiers at risk.)

3.  The tech would insist the problem was a "known issue" and that the next technician, Microsoft Tech XP, would shoot perfectly.

(If it still exists, look at http://www.techtales.com :) )

Offline Reschke

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« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2002, 10:03:10 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by bloom25
3.  In a feat of brain-power rarely observed in the typical M$ tech, the whole incident would be blamed on a bent cleaning ramrod. (Bad ram :D )  The tech would insist the rifle be cleaned with a new ramrod, but unfortunately the problem would still persist.


BAD RAM.....:p
Buckshot
Reschke from March 2001 till tour 146
Founder and CO VF-17 Jolly Rogers September 2002 - December 2006
"I'm baaaaccccckkk!"

Offline 715

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Microsoft Technical Support
« Reply #6 on: September 28, 2002, 10:55:00 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by bloom25
(If it still exists, look at http://www.techtales.com :) )


Darn :(   I thought that would be a collection of tales from users about how clueless tech support is, instead it's a collection of tales by techs about how clueless users are.  

(My experience, btw, is 90% the former.  A recent case: I purchased some Palm software via download.  The trial SW link pointed to the proper file, but if you skipped the trial and just purchased the software directly, that download link pointed to a horribly outdated version of the file on their server.  When I pointed this out via email to tech support, they replied that I should "try again later because heavy network traffic probably caused you to receive the wrong file".  Apparently network traffic can cause the bytes to transmute into a perfect copy of an eariler version of the software ;) )