There was this group of four guys that were avid golfers and
played every weekend. One week one of the four was unable
to make it to the game. The guy that was unable to make it left
a message at the clubhouse that said, "The tee time is set
and you are going to play with my friend "Bobby" so that
you will still have your foursome."
The other three guys show up at the appointed tee time and
were met by a beautiful woman who introduced herself as
"Bobbie". The other three were a little wary about playing with
a woman but since they didn't want to miss their tee time they
went ahead and played.
After playing the front nine they were pretty loosened up
around Bobbie especially after they found out that she could
play. The foursome walks up to the par five eighteenth hole.
Bobby who is shooting a respectable two over makes two
near perfect shots to get within 25ft of the hole.
She turns to the other three and says, "Guys, I think I know
you well enough for this so I'll tell you. I am a scratch
handicap golfer and I have never done better than three putt
this hole. Whoever can help me make this putt and go
even for the round I'll take that person off to the No-Tell motel
and we'll screw like rabbits."
The first guy looks serious and says, " I think you should hit it
left".
The second guy goes, "Nope, you should hit it right".
The third guy looks at Bobbie, sighs walks over and picks up
the ball and says, "Gee, guys, looks like a gimmee to me!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------"The Plan"
In the beginning, was the Plan
And then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without form.
And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.
And they spoke among themselves, saying
"It is a crock of toejam, and it stinketh."
And the Workers went unto their supervisors, saying,
"It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odor thereof."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying,
"It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may
abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and non may abide it strength."
And the directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto the Vice-Presidents, saying,
"It promotes growth, and is very powerful."
And the Vice-Presidents went unto the President, saying unto him,
"This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company,
with powerful effects."
And the President looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.
And the Plan became Company Policy.
This is how toejam happens.
What do you have when you cross a Pit-Bull with a Shih-Tzu?
- Bull toejam
An 8 year old girl goes to her dad who is working in the yard
and asks, "Daddy, what's sex"?
The father is surprised that she would ask such a question,
but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then
she is old enough to get a straight answer.
He tells her about the birds and the bees; the egg and the
sperm; and the male and female. When he has finished
explaining, the little girl is looking at him with her mouth
opened, so the father asks her, "why did you ask this
question"?
The little girl explains that "Mom told me to tell you that dinner
would be ready in just a couple of secs".
ANALLY Occuring one a year
ARTERY Study of art
BACTERIA Back door of cafeteria
BARIUM What doctors do when treatment fails
BOWEL Letters like A E I O and U
CAESARIAN SECTION District in Rome
CAT SCAN Searching for kitty
CAUTERISE Made eye contact with her
COLIC Sheep dog
COMA Punctuation mark
CONGENITAL Friendly
D & C Where Washington is
DIARRHOEA Journal of daily events
ENEMA Not a friend
FESTER Quicker
FIBULA Small lie
GENITAL Non Jewish
G I SERIES Soldier's ball game
GRIPPE Suitcase
HANGNAIL Coathook
IMPOTENT Distinguished, well known
INTENSE PAIN Torture in tee-pee
LABOUR PAIN Got hurt at work
