Author Topic: Beaver permit  (Read 194 times)

Offline Saintaw

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Beaver permit
« on: November 22, 2002, 02:02:09 AM »
Bit long, but worth it :)


    Mr. Ryan DeVries
    2088 Dagget Pierson, MI 49339
 
    SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm
    County
 
    Dear Mr. DeVries:
 
    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
    Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the
    above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as
    the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following
    unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood
    debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit
    must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A
    review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
    issued.
 
    Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
    violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
    Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
    Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
    Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
 
    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
    partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
    flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this
    nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The
    Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all
    activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a
    free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the
    dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be
    completed no later than January 31, 2002.
 
    Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed
    so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our
    staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further
    unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being
    referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would
    appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free
    to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
 
    Sincerely,
    David L. Price
 
    District Representative Land and Water Management Division
 
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
    RESPONSE
 
    Dear Mr. Price, Re: DEQ File No.
    97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
 
    Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to
    respond to.
 
    First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legal landowner and/or
    contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal
    owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
    process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams
    across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay
    for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they
    would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
    natural building materials "debris."
 
    I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate
    their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe
    I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam
    skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam
    persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
    As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that
    they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this
    type of dam activity.
 
    My first dam question to you is (1) Are you trying to
    discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require
    all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
 
    If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,
    through the Freedom of Information Act I request completed copies
    of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been
    issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of
    Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
    Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
    being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled
    Laws, annotated.
 
    I have several concerns. My first concern is -- aren't the
    beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers
    are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said
    representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a
    dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both
    of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is
    proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
    required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring
    Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their
    dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow
    condition, please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to
    arrest them be aware that they obviously did not pay any
    attention to your dam letter due to inability to read English.
 
    In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
    build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the
    grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam
    right than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department
    of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its
    name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the
    environment (Beavers' Dams.) So, as far as the beavers and I are
    concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated
    enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2002? The
    Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will
    be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
 
    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
    environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the
    bears. Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely
    believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave
    the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver
    dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they
    dump!)
 
    Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
    contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this
    response to your day office via another government organization
    -- the dam USPS. Maybe, someday, it will get there.
 
    Sincerely, Stephen L. Tvedten
    The University of Texas at Austin Office Community
Saw
Dirty, nasty furriner.

Offline SaburoS

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Beaver permit
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2002, 04:43:24 AM »
Hehe.  Dam funny  :)
Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth -- more than ruin -- more even than death.... Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit. ... Bertrand Russell

Offline Naso

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Beaver permit
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2002, 05:28:40 AM »
DamROTFL :D

Offline midnight Target

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Beaver permit
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2002, 10:00:13 AM »
Checked Snopes, this one is true!

http://www.snopes.com/index.html

Offline mauser

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Beaver permit
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2002, 10:54:08 AM »
MT, try this link instead:

http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm

thx Saw!

mauser

Offline midnight Target

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Beaver permit
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2002, 11:05:32 AM »
Thanks,

I am definitely not the linkmeister.