ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA FORM "AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL"
Cuba, Sudan, Serbia form "Axis of Somewhat Evil"; Other Nations Start Own Clubs
Beijing (SatireWire.com) - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be way eviler than that Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
MEMBERSHIP CLOSED
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best at being evil."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded that they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the Evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret handshake - ours is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical musical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable". With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries that Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics Any Time Soon"; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America", while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the "Axis of Countries That Allow Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay'", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel and Switzerland, meanwhile, insisted they didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, their leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
