Poll: Do you belive in Santa?

[HFMudd]

"You shot down Santa #3"

[LLv34_Camouflage]

http://funnies.paco.to/santa.html

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal, SPY magazine (January, 1990) --- I am pleased to present a scientific inquiry into the existence of Santa Claus.

No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau.

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.


Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).
This works out to 822.6 visits per second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to:
-park,
-hop out of the sleigh,
-jump down the chimney,
-fill the stockings,
-distribute the remaining presents under the tree,
-eat whatever snacks have been left,
-get back up the chimney,
-get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.


The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.

We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.


353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere.
The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.09 times greater than gravity.

A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the backof his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

And those mis-informed indivuals who have been fed lies of a Santa living on the North Pole, visit "Korvatunturi" -fell in Finland.  Thats where Santa Claus lives for real: http://www.korvatunturi.fi/index_en.html

Camo

[hazed-]

Originally posted by Gixer
Well then I must now be the most hated guy in AH.  

more like the most sad and lonely liar in AH

[Gixer]

Originally posted by hazed-
more like the most sad and lonely liar in AH

LOL I'm the one who's smiling, unfort there isn't any way I can prove it, guess I'm just going have to deal with being the biggest liar in AH  


...-Gixer

[StSanta]

It's been a while since someone shot me down, and now they question my existence?

Look, Dubyas missile program is making my life hell. Snotty kids ain't making it better and with the new 'morally correct' administration in the US, US housewives ain't putting out no more.

As soon as Rudolph gets over what the little elves did to them (perverted bastards, those) I'll be on my not so merry way. if they can get that elf boot out of Rudolph, that is.

Heh, will be back in AH as soon as I get a job so I can afford new throttle +  rudders. Have applied for some decent jobs, so it shouldn't be that long, month or two maybe.

[Fridaddy]

This question first appeared in the The New York Sun in 1897, almost a hundred years ago, and was reprinted annually until 1949 when the paper went out of business. It is now printed in most large city newspapers this time of year.


Dear Editor---


I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa
Claus. Papa says, "If you see it in The Sun, it's so." Please tell
me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?


Virginia O'Hanlon


Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by
the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they
see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by
their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or
children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a
mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless
world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping
the whole of truth and knowledge.


Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as
love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound
and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary
would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as
dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike
faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence.
We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external
light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.


Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in
fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the
chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did
not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees
Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The
most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men


can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not,
but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or
imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.


You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise
inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the
strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men
that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance,
can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty
and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world
there is nothing else real and abiding.


No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand
years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he
will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.


The Editor