report 03-30-03 March 30, 2003, 1448hrs MSK (GMT +3), Moscow - According to the latest intercepted radio communications, coalition forces have been completely routed and are in full retreat. Brave Iraqi defenders, using weapons of thier own manufacture (in some cases rocks and sticks) surprised and overwhelmed the imperialist pig-dogs and thier minion's forward elements and with momentum were able to capture over 1 million soldiers, marines and airmen.
The "coalition" invaders are in compete disarray. Prisoners are overcome with joy that they have been liberated by the kind, caring and generous Iraqi military forces. One was heard to comment, "I was on the verge of suicide but all of a sudden we were surrounded and the Iraqis told us to lay down our arms and we would be treated humanely. I did as they said and they fed and clothed me and gave me some ice cream."
American soldiers concerned about being returnedAssisting in the operation was Peter Arnett who acted as spokesperson over a megaphone, instructing the coalition forces in how to properly surrender to avoid unneccesary death and violence. His brave services were volunteered cheerfully and there was no coersion involved.
Rumors of the Iraqi units using Russian made weapons and tactics were an obvious and laughable joke. The more advanced units used American hardware that was sold to them twenty years ago ... but the number of advanced weapons were few and what few they had failed more often than not. Extensive spear and sword training appears to be the factor that made a difference.
"We drew upon the strength and wisdom of our forefathers and Allah." said Abdullah Mohammed Hussain. "None can stand against Allah's righteous sword ... but those we have defeated will see the forgiving and generous nature of Allah as is common amongst our soldiers." said Mohammed Abdullah Hussain.
British soldier - dazed, confused and dissillusionedThe prisoners are expected to be repatriated within a month, even though the majority of them have asked to stay in Iraq and recieve citizenship.
This is a great day for people all over the world. The evil regime of the Americans and thier allies have been shown that righteousness will prevail.
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Once again ... scooping -am-
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