Soccer Sucks

[funkedup]

Meditations on a Proper Role for Soccer_
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1.It is a wonderful activity for small children, since it teaches some basic lower body coordination. It doesn't have the same plyometric benefit as, say, hopscotch. It doesn't have the same plyometric nor cardiovascular benefits of jumping rope. Still, there is a benefit, if children do not have access to a playground, jump rope_ or a bicycle. Once this basic lower body coordination is achieved, parents should refrain from keeping their children in soccer at all costs. Soccer discourages the development of athletic skills. Soccer does not utilize a child's strength, power or upper body. Soccer stultifies athleticism. The overly simplistic nature of the game can also stagnate thought. A useful motto for parents to follow in this case is "If you don't use it, you'll lose it."
2. It is a wonderful activity for amputees. Soccer eschews the use of hands or arms. While this prejudice destroys athleticism in most people, certain amputees will not suffer from this. Also, since soccer uses a small proportion of a person's body, the amputee without arms is on an even playing field with other soccer participants. Indeed, an amputee who participates in soccer may have the advantage over his appendage advantaged cohorts, since she (in certain cases) will never draw a penalty for using her hands. In no way should this suggestion dissuade men like Jim Abbott or Neil Parry to give up playing real sports - in fact they should be commended for their brave efforts and persistence.
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3. It is an excellent gage for judging the world's progress. As discussed elsewhere, soccer's popularity is consistent with collectivism. Collectivism leads to poverty, as can also be observed throughout the world. Lo and behold, soccer's popularity stems from the fact that most soccer participants can only afford to kick a home-made ball on a dirt field. North America is easily the most individualistic, wealthiest and civilized place on earth, yet soccer barely registers in terms of popularity. Europe has had a history of collectivism and barbarism from Soviet Russia to Nazi Germany to present day Yugoslavia. While the exception in terms of wealth, one must remember the Marshall Plan for bailing out the economies of Europe was essentially welfare from the U.S.. And the other continents are worse. One notes that one of the few activities NOT banned by the Taliban in Afghanistan was soccer. A good rule of thumb is, "The greater the predominance of soccer in a culture, the more backward and impoverished that culture is."
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4. It is a wonderful activity for the mentally disabled. The simple nature of soccer lends itself to the slow of thought. Could you imagine the mentally disabled actually executing the simplest play in football? They could hardly be expected to line up properly. However, jogging around a field chasing a soccer ball represents no great academic achievement.
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5. It is a great recuperative activity for stroke victims, as long as the temporary paralysis is limited to the upper torso. Due to the simple nature of the game, it allows stroke victims to be at the same level of other participants mentally. Due to the soccer only utilizing the lower torso, the onset of temporary upper torso paralysis is not considered to be much of a factor.
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6. Due to the nature of soccer appealing to participants with a lack of upper body strength, soccer is an activity for women to participate in. However, most women with any semblance of intellect will usually find themselves playing a real sport where this is a minor factor, like basketball.

http://www.soccersucks.org/

Hilarious trollsite.  

[bikekil]

Soccer was sweet once we kicked your butts on the WCup
Sucker sucked big time once we got our butts kicked on the WCup

Let's face it... soccer... i mean the (one and only) REAL FOOTBALL rocks

[NUKE]

I think soccer is one of the top 3 most boring sports on the planet, the other two being golf and baseball.

[takeda]

This somewhat brought back to me an unrelated, but "not that much" unrelated anecdote that really happened to me some 12-13 yrs ago.

We had that bunch of USA highschool students visiting us in our school, and we went all together for a day trip to Madrid. We go to the Royal Palace, and at the entrance of the Armory stands the impressive ceremonial armour of Charles V, King of Spain and Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. The reaction of the american guy at my side was: Coool! OMG it's just like Robocop!.

I bet he doesn't like soccer

[mietla]

Originally posted by bike killa
Soccer was sweet once we kicked your butts on the WCup
Sucker sucked big time once we got our butts kicked on the WCup

Let's face it... soccer... i mean the (one and only) REAL FOOTBALL rocks

yeah, the seventies ... still remember 1974

[SFRT - Frenchy]

Rofl hehehe at least this one was a kid.

My three favorite adult Americans quotes are:

- "Fuk France, let's go to Paris" (Chicago Law Student)

- "You are going to California? When will you be back in USA?" (Girl ina  club)

- "France? Oh yeah, next to Hawaii." (Waitress in Texas)

[funkedup]

I like soccer, but that site amuses me.  

[bikekil]

... ok... ok... i like to be honest here... i would love to be on a big show like you guys have in US about most of "your" sports.

I was a basketball playies in our 2nd league when i was under 20 so i'm dreaming about wathing Knicks beating Lakers in MSG .... or opposite

I loved to watch TV transmissions fromthe NHL games... i allways wanted to have a chance to play in that game where this chemical grown boys with a lot of equipment on them are running around and trying to get the ball on another side of the filed... i think you called it football i would REALLY love to give it a try and play it!

But you HAVE TO believe me - there is nothing better then the real world cup, the real football and the real beer... and maybe after a good game a real celebration with the real vodka... finally the real hangover on a day after that you can beat by drinking another real beer with your real friends while watching another good and real football sonds like a good life? you bet!

[Curval]

Football is the beautiful game.  The real football...you know, the one where they actually use their feet.

This game has a World Cup that is actually played all over the world, unlike the US version whose "World Champions" are infact "US Champions".

Ragging on soccer as being boring is rather funny.  If you don't understand the rules of American football (like about 80% of the world doesn't) the entire game looks as if it consists of a bunch of huge mutants crashing into each other over and over again.  

Football rules.....the real version of football....the older version...the original.

[Thud]

Both soccer and football are great sports. Love to watch 'em both.