You didn't Xanax. I got it all (or most of it)

-Westy
================================
The Last SVGA AW Box --Holmes
The scene - a warm and sunny spring afternoon, fresh air, blue skies,
A small bird cheerily hops over onto the sidewalk and chirps out a
Tune of merriment.
Enter one Dilbert "Dilbsbee" Dingleschwanz, he pauses briefly in his
stroll to match chrips with his little feathered amigo and skips along
toward his friendly neighborhood software retailer.
Dilbsbee is a salesclerk in the sock department of Plaids, Tweeds, and
Polyesterdays and a budding computer enthusiast. A friendly young lad
living at home with his parents, his mild manner and conservative ways
sometimes caused him the teasing and ridicule of his peers.
When he was a young boy the kids in his class got a discount on a group
order of slingshots because they wore out so many of them shooting him
in the back of the head.
His frail and pale appearance earned him the nickname Eggshell and the
kids would queue up for a chance to see if they could crack him.
-ting-a-ling- chimes the door as Dilbs steps inside -
"Hey it's Dilbsbee!" greets the shopowner.
"Hi there Afterburner, check your six o'clock!", replies Dilbs,
flashing his 1 finger sixgun. "Got anymore Sky Weenie expansion disks?"
"Not since yesterday", frowns Aft. "I think they're holding back and
waiting for MondoWeenie 1 to be shipped."
"MONDOWEENIE 1!!!!???, WOW, sounds awesome!" Dilbs is stunned.
Approaching the discount rack Dilbs's eye catches what looks to be a
flightsim, redtagged and ready to go.
"hey there Aft" he asks "what's this here "Sveegah Air Warrior?"
"Oh I dunno" mumbles Aft, "some Japanese product. You need a modem to
play it."
"Hey, I got a modem with my subscription to the Clean Happy Family Fun
Network. I think I'll take it." says Dilbert.
"Suit yourself, but no refunds on discount software" warns the sales-
man.
Dilbsbee pays in exact change and makes his way toward the door...
beepbeepbeep beep
"Hey Dilbs, what's that beeping?" questions Afterburner.
"oh, that's my fingernailtop" replies Dilb. "It's running a program to
compute the proper sequence of control stick movement that will enable
me to defeat that Star of Africa dude in the Sky Weenie's III: Mustangs
Rule China expansion set."
"Yeah that African guy is a tough one. Ya know, most people don't even
know that we fought against Africa in WW2." Aft informs the patrons.
"Ha, imagine that, guess they never heard of the Africa Corps." a
stunned Dilbs chimes in (easily stunned this Dilbs fella).
"Yup, you can learn alot of history from these simulations." Aft wisely
notes.
2 weeks later....
The scene - A dark and stormy winter evening, the wind howls and the
cold air is sharp as a knife. A wounded little bird drags his wing
along the curb, bleating out a plea for help.
Enter one Dilbert "Gutslasher" Dingleschwanz, he pauses briefly in his
prowl to raise his left boondocker and brings it smashing down on the
little winged rodent. Then he continues his mission to rescue the Last
Remaining Box.
"heh heh... poof" intones Guts, emulating the last sound of the poor
wretched creature's miserable existance.
"bee ess eee eee jee".
Guts is a Network Security Specialist for some unnamed government
agency and a speedmetal guitar player. An evil looking bastard, living
with Sasha and Tasha the oil wrestling twins, his frightening demeanor
and air of violence cause the citizenry to cross the street when they
see him coming.
His neighbors have pleaded with the police for more protection and
they managed to get a group discount on iron security bars for their
doors and windows. The disturbing disapearance of the neighborhoods cat
population and the suspicions of satanic rituals have led the people in
his building to dub him The Psycho in 3D.
They travel in small groups for fear ofencountering him alone, at
night, and in the dark.
-ka-SMASH- the door shatters and flies off it's hinges, Gutslasher
barrels in.
"Dilbsbee? Is that you? I almost didn't..." the surprised shopowner
begins.
"Assburner, you moron, the name's Gutslasher," interrupts Guts, "gimme
another copy of SVGA Air Warrior. NOW." he orders as he flashes the
salesclerk the finger.
"umm, sure sure, ummm, was there a problem with the other one? You
know I nev..." the startled and concerned proprietor tries to ask.
"HA, if I had a problem with it then right about now you'd be doubled
over in the stock room trying to pass Disk#3 as tho it was some kinda
three and a half inch kidney stone. And if I wanted to see you open yer
sewerbreathed, root gnawing facehole, I'd have said so. Now get a move
on Afterwipe, before I put you out like a cigarette"
Afterbirth scurries to the back and re-emerges with a dusty copy of
AW: Boxed.
"ahhh, colon right parenthesis. A friend of mine is gonna be real
pleased to see this. It's a good thing you had some left, Analburrower,
else I might've diced off your face, dried it out, and used it for a
mousepad "Guts states matter-of-factly.
"um, Mr. Guts? Have you seen that we've got MondoWeenie in st.." begins
Apeburger, his voice trailing off as he realizes he's best off with his
mouth closed.
"Yeah, I got yer Mondoweenie right here... bite me." Guts demonstrates
his award winning joystick grip. And then, almost as an afterthought,
"Dweeb." he adds.
Gutslasher tosses a handful of twenties towards the cashier and shoves
his way toward the exit....
clank clankclank clank
"Hey M..M..Mr. Gutslasher w..w..what's that cl..cl..clanking?" squeaks
the terrified shopkeeper.
"My balls" bellows Guts.