Author Topic: Military joke of the day (Read 542 times)

Mister Fork · « **on:** August 25, 2003, 07:48:54 PM »

A group of new recruits had been stationed overseas and were about go out for their first maneuvers. The Base Commander came out with a few words of wisdom for the group before they left.

"Men," he said, "there is a deadly snake in these parts that can kill you with just one bite. It has orange and black stripes and usually found with its tail sticking out of the bushes. If you come across a snake just grab it by the tail, pull it out quickly and give it a karate chop on the head."

The soldiers agreed and all took off. The maneuvers seemed to go quite well until they came back and found one of the soldiers missing. After hours of searching they finally found the guy all mangled up in a bush. He was rushed off to the hospital.

After several days the Doctor came up to him and asked him what the hell had happened to him.

The soldier rolled over slightly, opened one eye and said "Doc, have you ever given a tiger a karate chop in the nuts?"

Estes · « **Reply #1 on:** August 25, 2003, 07:57:12 PM »

LOL

Maverick · « **Reply #2 on:** August 25, 2003, 10:37:54 PM »

LOL good one!

SaburoS · « **Reply #3 on:** August 26, 2003, 01:43:58 AM »

LOL!!!

Bluedog · « **Reply #4 on:** August 26, 2003, 04:34:49 AM »

Lol.....eeeeeek, that's some mistake.

Reminds me of a book I read about a special forces team in Vietnam, cant remember the name of it, but apparently, after a two week patrol in bad guy territory, they had two members KIA.
One by a tiger,(all they know is they heard a roar, heard their buddy scream, and found his body next day half eaten) and a radio op that got struck by lightning..they never found Mr Charles on that patrol either.
Last thing you would be concerned about as a SF Team going out bush would be tiger attack and lightning strike you would reckon.

_Schadenfreude_ · « **Reply #5 on:** August 26, 2003, 04:55:04 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Bluedog
Lol.....eeeeeek, that's some mistake.

Reminds me of a book I read about a special forces team in Vietnam, cant remember the name of it, but apparently, after a two week patrol in bad guy territory, they had two members KIA.
One by a tiger,(all they know is they heard a roar, heard their buddy scream, and found his body next day half eaten) and a radio op that got struck by lightning..they never found Mr Charles on that patrol either.
Last thing you would be concerned about as a SF Team going out bush would be tiger attack and lightning strike you would reckon.

I used to do 8 man foot patrols in Etosha Pan in Namibia in the early 80's lions and elephants at night are as scary as all hell, Cape Buffalo are just scary all the time....

Bluedog · « **Reply #6 on:** August 28, 2003, 08:33:46 PM »

Any chance you could tell us more Schade?
I must confess to never having heard of the place untill now, google brings up a lot of photos, wild looking place to be patrolling. very similar to a lot of places in outback Oz.(without the man eating mamals)
Anti poacher work? or millitary?

Just curious, no problemo if you dont wanna ellaborate.

Blue.

rc51 · « **Reply #7 on:** August 28, 2003, 10:25:59 PM »

A marine and an Army dude where standing at the urinal taking a leak.
the Army dude gets done and zips it up and starts towards the door.
The Marine shouts out Hey boy in the Marine corps they teach us to wash our hands after we take a leak.
To wich The Army dude replies Well in the Army they teach us not to tinkle on our hands in the first place.

Snork · « **Reply #8 on:** August 28, 2003, 10:34:38 PM »

So a young troop just arrived in Iraq asked his Sarge how to tell the friendlies from the bad guys.

The Sarge answered, "When you see someone you're not sure of, yell 'Saddam pleasures pigs!'. Then watch his reaction to tell if he's friend or foe."

A few days later the Sarge is visiting a medical unit and sees the young troop being carried in all busted up. When asked what happened the troop says, "Well, I saw an Iraqi walking along the road and I yelled what you told me. He responded by yelling 'Bush is the pig Saddam beds!' "

"You got into a big shoot out then?"

"No, we got hit by a truck shaking hands in the middle of the road!"

_Schadenfreude_ · « **Reply #9 on:** August 29, 2003, 03:38:37 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Bluedog
Any chance you could tell us more Schade?
I must confess to never having heard of the place untill now, google brings up a lot of photos, wild looking place to be patrolling. very similar to a lot of places in outback Oz.(without the man eating mamals)
Anti poacher work? or millitary?

Just curious, no problemo if you dont wanna ellaborate.

Blue.

Was doing military service - 2 years madatory, signed on for an extra 2 - was based at a place called Omathiya - home of 61 Mechanised Battle Group - did a little coin operations (counter insurgency) and SWAP's (South West People's Organisation) the guerilla's we were up against did infiltrations out of Angola they came down through Etosha.

We were sent in to act as security for the camps in Etosha -did some anti poaching work against local farmers hunting at night from vehicles.

Every year around September we'd head north into Angola for conventional warfare vs MPLA/Swapo and their Russian/East German advisers - war lasted from the 70's into 1988 when Cubans and South African's finally called it quits and pulled out.

Got out of the army at 22, went to university got a job and all that, read My War Gone by - I Miss It So, a couple of years ago and and know exactly how the guy felt.

For more about Africa's forgotten wars follow the links...and read
Mukiwa - white boy in Africa.

http://www.geocities.com/sadf_association/61ff.html

http://www.geocities.com/Yosemite/Forest/1771/norch14.htm

http://www.geocities.com/Yosemite/Forest/1771/nortoc.htm

http://www.africancrisis.org/photos13.asp

I was in Protea, Daisy, Askari - Hq support in Hooper.
Destroyed 95 tanks, 7000 enemy casualties...

_Schadenfreude_ · « **Reply #10 on:** August 29, 2003, 03:45:12 AM »

and no we didn't write home to mom asking for aircons.....

_Schadenfreude_ · « **Reply #11 on:** August 29, 2003, 04:27:30 AM »

lol should start a thread of Army pics and "When I was young!"

Bluedog · « **Reply #12 on:** August 29, 2003, 08:22:45 PM »

Thanks Schade, interesting stuff.
I have a couple of mates that are expat Rhodesians, thier Dad, and a couple of his mates are ex Rhodesian Light Infantry, they all moved out here with their families when Rhodesia became Zimbabwe.
From what they tell, it was a wild time to be in a very wild place.