Things you wish you could say at work

[Mark Luper]

.

Have you ever had one of those days when you wish you could say what was REALLY on your mind?
 

1. I can see your point, but I still think you are full of ****.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you have set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
5. I am really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I will try to be nicer if you will try to be smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here, I am a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you are saying.
10. Ahhh. . . I see the f**k-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I am already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique opinion.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you are an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I am not rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
22. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be?
23. Do I look like a people person?
24. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
25. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
28. Errors will be made. Others will pay.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
30. I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
31. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
32. Can I trade this job in for what's behind door #1?
33. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
34. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
35. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work is done here.
36. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
37. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

[Tilt]

Originally posted by Mark Luper
.

Have you ever had one of those days when you wish you could say what was REALLY on your mind?
 

AA) your all fired and the pension fund is all mine?

[capt. apathy]

actually I wish I was better at holding back whats on my mind (and I'm sure most of the people I work with/for would agree)

I'd probably make more money if I wasn't uncontrolably compelled to publicly out every closet moron I see.

[Mini D]

I've said at least half of them.

One phrase I said just today....

"Mistakes will be made, others will be blamed."

When you work around PhDs, you have to talk like that or they walk all over you.  My personal favorite is to say "What have I told you?" to them and get the response "...never doubt Dave."

MiniD

[capt. apathy]

my favorite is "do you want me to do this like you want it, or like you think you want it"

[Raubvogel]

One thing I wish I could say some days:

"I quit"

[AKS\/\/ulfe]

"Do you want this done your way, or the right way?"

"Everytime I think you couldn't possibly say anything dumber, you go right on ahead and open your mouth." (Bastardization of Hank Hill)

Something I really wish I could say "Step off you dirty motherf****er, I will kill you!" without being arrested, and then fired. It ain't a witty statement, its just the average day at work.
-SW