Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => Aces High General Discussion => Topic started by: Widewing on November 05, 2003, 08:34:43 PM
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From the son-in-law of a P-38 ace:
New Guinea 1943-
Returning from a long mission one day, a bunch of P-38Gs, all flying on fumes, were jockeying to land first when a firm voice came over the radio: "I'm coming in on one engine!" Naturally he got priority clearance, and everybody looked around to see who was in trouble. What they saw was a Tac Recon smart bellybutton in a P-40 slipping in on final. Everybody started swearing--and then started laughing.
ETO, November 1943-
Thrown into the role of close escort with their P-38H fighters, the average pilot in the 55th FG had less than 20 hours of P-38 experience. Despite this lack of experience, they managed to maintain a 1.5/1 victory ratio, but the pilots were very disillusioned being the only long-range fighter group in the ETO where they routinely faced 250 German fighters with just 35 P-38s. Morale in 55th FG plummeted, and numerous pilots aborted missions claiming mechanical problems--giving the a/c type a bad rep for mechanical unreliability, although u/s reports reveal that in most cases the ground crew could find nothing wrong with the aircraft. In some instances the ground crews hinted that the pilots were merely cowards. In one u/s report, the pilot had aborted the mission because he claimed the piss tube was too short and he could not use it. The ground crew chief wrote in his
report: "Piss tube to spec. Problem is pilot's dick's too short."
My regards,
Widewing
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I read a similiar story like the single engine P-40 story. A group of P-38 pilots in the PTO were on routine patrol when they heard an excited voice over the radio of a pilot that was complaining that he had engine trouble and it was about to die on him. The P-38 pilots responded not to worry since the 2nd engine would allow the pilot to return to base safely. That's when the pilot in trouble responded, "I'm in a P-51!".
Now you know why I fly mostly two engine planes
ack-ack
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I like this one too.
There’s a story about a military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit sick."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
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From memory:
A jet fighter pilot was escorting a multi engined bomber (b52 i think) and the pilot was doing aerobatics around the bomber and bragging about what he could do.
The bomber pilot, tired of hearing the fighter pilot, challenged him:
"I bet you can't do this"
The fighter pilot said he could do anything the bomber could.
The bet was on...
After a few minutes of flying straight and level the fighter pilot gave the bomber a puzzled radio call: "When you going to show me?"
The bomber pilot replied: "Ive been flying with 2 engines shut off for the past 5 minutes boy"
:D
In WW2, as B17's waited on the runway on a very foggy british airfield, the lead bomber took off and reported "Good visibility, bomber group may take off"
From the ground, another b17 pilot: "I dont know what runway he took off, I cant even see my gdamned copilot!"
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(My personal favorite)
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Then there's the pilot who dies and goes to heaven; while waiting to check in he notices a large twin coming in high-and-hot to a nearby landing strip. The twin pilot blows the landing-collapses the nose gear and strikes the props; he gets out of the plane and walks away. Fifteen minutes later, same scene: another twin, another blown landing--same guy gets out of the wrecked plane.
The fellow waiting to check in to heaven is amazed, he turns to St. Peter and says "what's the story with the twin pilot over there?"
"Oh, that's just God" says St. Peter, "he thinks he's a surgeon."
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A military flight student was chopped from training and was due to be reposted. Asked for
his preferences he replied: AA. "If I don't fly - nobody will"
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From the "squawk sheets":
-Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
-Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
-Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
-Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
-Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid." -Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
-Problem #2:"#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
-Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
-Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
-Problem: Weather radar went ape*****
-Solution: Opened radome, chased out ape, cleaned up *****.
-Problem: Knocking sound heard in #3 engine cowl, sounds like little man with hammer.
-Solution: Opened #3 engine cowl, located little man, took hammer away.
-Problem: Whining noise heard in cockpit after engine shutdown.
-Solution: Removed pilot from aircraft.
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An F-15 pilot's definition of the F-16 : "The quickest method of hauling a spare engine for my plane."
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One mouse tells her girlfriend she dates a bat...
- What is this "thing" you are dating ?
- It's a bat - It's a mousewith wings !
- But he is so ugly !
- Well, yes. But he is a pilot !
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A SABENA airliner pulls up behind a KLM airliner on a crowded taxiway.
SABENA to KLM on tower freq: "KLM holding number 4 come up 3030 (303.3 Unicom)." After a few minutes they call again "KLM holding number 3 come up 3030."
Still no response so they call tower : "Tower tell the KLM aircraft ahead of SABENA 123 to come up on 3030"
Just then the KLM crew jumps in and says, "Tower please tell the SABENA Aircraft that the professionals at KLM Dutch Airlines don't come up on discreet frequencies when they should be monitoring tower."
The SABENA Aircraft then replies, "Okay tower, that's no problem but could you just let the professionals at KLM know that their gear pins are still in."
(A moment of silence)
KLM : Tower, KLM 3030 needs to return to the gate.
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People unclear on the concept dept.
Just turned off the 10 O'Clock channel 9 news here in LA, a single engine plane (identified as Aero Commander) went down short of Burbank airport, both people on board survived. The Pilot was lucid as he was being cut out of the wreckage & said he ran out of fuel over Eagle Rock & was trying to make Burbank airport.
Remarking about the lack of fire, the Fire Marshall in charge of the rescue said, "They are just lucky there was no fuel on board".
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Conducting fuel-consumption tests on a new twin-engine plane, we were en route from Pennsylvania to Florida. Just north of Richmond, Va., I called the air-traffic controller to make a position report on our plane, whose designation was 5000Y. The controller, in a Southern drawl, replied, "Oh, no, not again!" I was puzzled by the response until I realized what I had said: "We are 5000 Yankee, 25 miles north of Richmond." -- Joe Diblin
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There once was a captain who enjoyed pranks. As the legend goes, one day he found an unmarked white cane in the terminal. Digging through his bag of goodies, he donned a set of extra-thick gag glasses, and fumbled his way across the ramp to his parked aircraft. The passengers watched as he groped his way up the airstairs and into the
main entry.
"Hi, Marsha," he sang as he felt for the cockpit doorknob. Pausing, he looks back and forth over the heads of th e startled passengers. Through the huge lens, his eyes are three times their normal size.
"Say, Marsha, are we hauling people or passengers today?"
The matronly attendant smiles graciously and replies softly, "umm... passengers, Sir."
Our hero raises his watch to within an inch to his glasses, and announces for all to hear, "Well then, we'd better start getting them aboard! It's nearly time to leave!"
(I have a lot more, but the size limit of the BBS won't let me put them all).
Ouch out
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Originally posted by Ouch
(I have a lot more, but the size limit of the BBS won't let me put them all).
Ouch out
More, more, mooooooooore... :lol Please.
TBolt
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we want more! :D
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Originally posted by Ouch
(
-Problem: Whining noise heard in cockpit after engine shutdown.
-Solution: Removed pilot from aircraft.
This MUST be the best joke I've ever heard on this BBS... and so appropriate too for my esteemed fellow virtual flyers :D
Problem in this game is that even when you remove a pilot from his aircraft (preferably with a well aimed 30mm shot) the whining triples and may continue here too...
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In the 80's as well as today, Frankfurt Airport is one of the busiest airports not only in Europe, but also the world. Granted it doesn't rival JFK or Heathrow, but it is up there in volume. The German air traffic controllers in Frankfurt have created an efficient and orderly routine to their jobs, calling out gate assignments and taxi directions at a rapid rate. And, in typical German fashion they expect an immediate response to their orders without further direction.
In the early 80's a British Airways flight arrived in Frankfurt flown by a veteran pilot. While he was one of the most senior in the company he had very rarely flown to the continent, instead he had almost exclusively spent his career plying the airways to and from America. Upon receiving his taxi instructions he pilot pulled off the runway and onto a taxi way, where he stopped. There ensued the following radio exchange:
BA 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, BA 206, clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."
The British Airways aircraft remains stationary on the taxiway while the pilot checks his map of the Frankfurt airport to see exactly where he needed to go.
Ground: "BA 206, clear the taxiway."
The aircraft doesn't move, as the pilot is still checking his map.
Ground (brusquely): "BA 206, do you not know where you are going?"
BA 206: "Standby ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (with typical German impatience): "BA 206, have you ever been to Frankfurt before?"
BA 206 (coolly): "Yes, several times in 1944, but I didn't stop."