Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: AKcurly on December 18, 2003, 03:31:35 PM
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Jack was packing for a business trip, while his 3 year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.
At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, Jack reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in his mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before he rushed out of the room again.
When he returned, his daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. Jack asked, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
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:D
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LOL LMAO:rofl
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LOL I KNEW it man dats nasty@
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No... but...
My oldest daughter was an escape artist. When she was about 1.5 yrs she figured out how to get out of her crib. One morning the wife and I were asleep and heard this:
Loud voices... nothing ... loud voices .... nothing .....over and over and over..
Well we jumped out of bed to find our cute little girl had removed her diaper (complete with load) and was smacking the TV with it, hitting the on-off switch repeatedly.
I remember gagging over and over during the clean-up process.
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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
you just ruined my day...i hope your HAPPY
jerk
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LOL
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my son was an escape artist also. (thank God he never used the diaper as a weapon though)
we had the standard k-mart crib, one day he figured out he could push up on the top horisontal end rail, then all the verticals fell off the end and he'd climb out. the first time he used the escape to dump a dozen eggs on the kitchen floor so he could slide faster.
so I got out the wood glue and glued the corners down, that held him for about 3 weeks. so one day the kid is out and the end of the crib is apart again. so after we clean up the mess, I ask him to show me how he got out(he had speach problems when he was younger so he couldn't talk but was very clever). he was smiling so proud as he showed me how he had used his 'tools' to escape. (my father in-law had made a toy tool-kit for my son, tool-box, hammer, wrench, and hatchet all carved from wood) he put the wrench around the corner post and slid the hammer handle in for a fulcrum and pried the glue loose on the end. I was amazed.
so I re-glued the the whole thing, glue on every peg, then drilled the corners and put screws in to hold the header down, then wood putty over the heads of the screws so he couldn't 'McGiver' a screwdriver out of a diaper pin or whatever.
that held him 2 days. he couldn't figure out how to take it apart so he just held onto the side rails, then kicked at the ends until he split the end header, and distoyed the end of the crib.
at that point I realised I'd been beat, repaired the crib and put it up for the next kid. then I went and bought him a bed and put vassiline on his doorknob to keep him from wandering the house.
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I will miss not having kids LOL(dirty diapers and all):D
Keep trying to get the wife to let us adopt a 16 year old russian girl LOL.
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when my youngest was a baby, i was laying on my back tickling her in the air above me, both of us laughing like crazy. Then she barfed in my mouth.
no more laughing after that.
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*faints*
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where's that NASTY thread about the guy eating the "spicy yellow mustard?"
that made me physically ill.
serious.
i cant stand kids... they are revolting in what they do.
i gag when my buddy changes his daughter's diaper in the same room im in.
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I was the same way JB and still am, unless its my kids then it doesnt bother me.
Nephews and Nieces, blech nasty things....
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Had 4 kids... I agree. :cool:
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Breastmilk - the poop does not smell, period.
And train them not to poop in their diapers - not at 3 years old as stupid books suggest but at 6-7 weeks.
After mine was 2 month old, I had to deal with a solied diaper maybe a dozen times in his 2 years and 2 months.
When he was able to sit at 8 months, he started sitting on a potty with no fuss or resistance, becasue it was aready natural to him, unlike children who get used otherwise and have trouble breaking the habit.
My mother-in-law showed me how. You see - in Russia we did not have disposable diapers or washers/dryers, so it was much less trouble not to teach a child to poop in diapers. It's very simple, very natural and does not involve torture or any kind of abuse - just an extra half an hour a day for the first few days.
miko
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Originally posted by miko2d
My mother-in-law showed me how. You see - in Russia we did not have disposable diapers or washers/dryers, so it was much less trouble not to teach a child to poop in diapers. It's very simple, very natural and does not involve torture or any kind of abuse - just an extra half an hour a day for the first few days.
miko
how?... details pls.
my aformentioned buddy just had his 4th kid last week and i know they'd appreciate any quick tips. (oldest is in 2nd grade and until last year still carped his pants abuot once a month)
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Originally posted by miko2d
Breastmilk - the poop does not smell, period.
And train them not to poop in their diapers - not at 3 years old as stupid books suggest but at 6-7 weeks.
After mine was 2 month old, I had to deal with a solied diaper maybe a dozen times in his 2 years and 2 months.
When he was able to sit at 8 months, he started sitting on a potty with no fuss or resistance, becasue it was aready natural to him, unlike children who get used otherwise and have trouble breaking the habit.
My mother-in-law showed me how. You see - in Russia we did not have disposable diapers or washers/dryers, so it was much less trouble not to teach a child to poop in diapers. It's very simple, very natural and does not involve torture or any kind of abuse - just an extra half an hour a day for the first few days.
miko
OK you potty trained your kid at 6 weeks old, hmmmm well what can I say.
Question did you have to sleep with your mate to produce the child or did angles bring it.
How is the cold fusion science project going for the tykes daycare classes?
:D ;) MIKO you crack me up buddy, still keeping the Vodka cold.
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Breastmilk - the poop does not smell, period!
might not stink but sure does taste good and im not a father!:aok
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My son said "Here Daddy" one morning. I just automatically put out my hand. He neatly deposited a booger in it.
I wrote a thread here about it, I think.
Found it. (http://www.hitechcreations.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=47846)
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Maybe the only positive thing I ever got from Dr. Spock's book...
"How many adults do you know who aren't potty trained? That's right, zero, so don't sweat it."
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mmmmmm buggers
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Maybe the only positive thing I ever got from Dr. Spock's book...
"How many adults do you know who aren't potty trained? That's right, zero, so don't sweat it."
:D nice quote,
and I agree that it's not something to make a big deal about, but when the wife watched her friends 5 year old and the kid tells me he crapped his pants and I needed to wash him, I was appalled. if your old enough to ask to have your prettythang cleaned your old enough to avoid the mess.
another way to look at it is that the reason you know no adults who aren't potty trained is that nobody would tollerate it for that long.
kids outgrow unacceptable behaviour because they learn it isn't exceptable. the idea that kids outgrow behavior spontaniosly at a certain age is just idiotic
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JB73: how?... details pls.
The hardest thing is to persuade americans brainwashed by diaper companies and books that it is possible. In reality it is very simple and natural even though it sounds incredible - just like chewing the old safety non-stainless razor blades. You just chew and the tongue and cheecks never get cut.
OK, here is the technique.
By the age of about 7 weeks you should have a decent idea when the baby poops. Usually it happens a few minutes after he wakes up or after he eats or when he is picked up or after getting that really thoughtfull look on his face. It very consistent but different from baby to baby - since breastfed babies normally poop anywhere from eight times a day to twice a week while formula fed usually do it two-three times a day.
Hold the baby in your arms in the following fasion: your elbows pressed in your stomack four inches apart, parallel arms extended forward horizontally palms up. Place the baby on his back face up with his head resting against your chest and business end exposed and directed away from you. You may lean back a little.
The baby's thighs should be in your palms. Hold his thighs together and make sure the baby is strictly horizontal and not disturbed more than necessary.
Carry the baby to a sink or whatever poop receptacle you designate. Once over the sink, suddenly lower the baby's bottom so he is at 45-60 degrees angle, spread his thighs and start talking to him, imploring him to poop and making whatever noises you think a person should make while pooping should he choose to be vocal. The toilet strangulation scene from the Austin Powers movie has appropriate soundtrack.
Faced with sudden change of position and movement and noise the baby wakes up or at leasts becomes more active - which is usually a good reason for babies to start pooping if they have the ammo.
Combined with the sudden shift of poop-pressure towards the proper outlet due to half-vertical position, the poop is practically guaranteed to happen or at least a pee (have a splash screen).
If it does not happen, persist for five-seven munutes providing slight vibration and waking-up stimuli. But do not try to shake the poop out of the baby.
Once the baby poops or even just pees, lavish all kinds of praise and encouragement on him. Explain to him what he just did - "good poop" or "good pee".
You should try that about twenty times a day at first. In a few days he will do it on demand and you can cut to just the productive sessions. Babies seem dumb at that age but they do develop refexes well.
The greatest benefit is not just the elimination of soiled diapers but nt having to deal with terrible rashes and sores caused to baby's tender butt by the corrosive poop.
I do not call it "potty trained" since no potty is involved untill the baby can sit by himself - at 8 months in our case, but the benefit is the same.
I will report how it goes with my second in a month, but my mother-in-law claims that for my wife it was successfull an for all other babies she knew.
Good luck!
miko
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Milko, you sir have writen the best prose on poop I have ever seen.
Your Story about crap is the best crap story I have ever had the honor of reading.
It also (as much of your work) makes sence in a crapy sort of way, thanks for the lesson.
I am still LMAO and printing this for the wife, it is so logical and real and yet seems ahhh ..... silly.:D
I love ya man;)
Take care M
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Gotta agree, you got the scoop on the poop
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Once hosed down a 5 year old nephew in our back yard because he had crapped his pants and smeared it from his ankles to his shoulder blades.
After that, nothing that my own kids did bothered me.
Regards, Shuckins
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Originally posted by JB73
where's that NASTY thread about the guy eating the "spicy yellow mustard?"
that made me physically ill.
serious.
i cant stand kids... they are revolting in what they do.
i gag when my buddy changes his daughter's diaper in the same room im in.
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce, and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich, " she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon."
Makes for good 'sig' material. :D
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Kind of reminds me of something that happened to me once...
I was sitting in my office chair and my daughter was eatting several potato chips and said "pick me up daddy". After a couple of minutes she was trying to feed me one of her chips, but I said "no thank you" and continued working on my database project. Then she puts her finger on my lips, only thing she was also consuming "boggies", and was trying to give me one of her boggies.
As for the potty thing, my own kids never bothered me, but when it is someone elses "yuck", change you kid!!, noone else wants to smell it.