Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Nakhui on January 30, 2004, 12:58:20 PM
-
25 Rules for Being a Good Republican
1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless
you are a millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it
an "illness" and needs our prayers for your "recovery."
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN,
and that our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the "wrong" gender.
5) You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long as it makes a profit.
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you
pray to the 'right' god.
7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your
workers and moving their jobs to India.
8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be
trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.
9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and
Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.
10) You hate the ACLU for representing convicted
felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.
11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage
military morale is to raise the troops overseas while cutting
their VA benefits.
12) You believe that group sex and drug use are
degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.
13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of
schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms
they won't have sex.
14) You have to believe that the best way to
fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their
cooperation and money.
15) You have to believe that government medicine
is wrong and that HMO's and nsurance companies only have your best interests at heart.
16) You have to believe that providing health
care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism personified.
17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and
global warming are "junk science," but Creationism should be taught in schools.
18) You have to believe that waging war with no
exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.
19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good
guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't
find Bin Laden" diversion.
20) You believe that government should restrict
itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet.
21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know
about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of
Republicans are a "private matter."
22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to
censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.
23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling
states what locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them
to have.
24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960s is
of vital national interest but what Bush did decades later is
"stale news" and "irrelevant."
25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because
it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy.
-
Oooh, can we have the Democrat one now?
They're both scum.
-
Bah...politics...
-
You might be a democrat if...
-You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden
-You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not.
-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.
-You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.
-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.
-You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.
-You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons, but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public schools.
-You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political orientation.
-You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.
-You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners (who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.
-You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the Constitution but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a right to keep and bear arms.
-You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual harassment in the White House.
-You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human rights.
-You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly enough.
-You believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827 people is more than adequately experienced to be President in 2004, but the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was completely unprepared in 2000.
-You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently labeling President Bush a "gang leader."
-You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don Rumsfeld were replaced by Mohammed Al-Sahhaf.
-You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.
-When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but loving the criminal.
-You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believe it is undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of electing Gray Davis.
-You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's Mugabe.
-You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a human rights violation.
-You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.
-You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh Arabs by draining their wetlands.
-Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
If the above has successfully profiled you, congratulations! You have won a one-way ticket to Paris aboard the massive cruise ship, "The U.S.S.R. Michael Moore." Your ticket will be held at the nearest Dennis Kucinich for President rally. Matricular consular ID cards issued by foreign governments will be gladly accepted as identification.
-
whats your fav. sandwich?
mine is roast beef:D
-
LMAO @ RIP :rofl
Of course I'm a libertarion now and the only thing bad about them is that miko is one of us
-
Originally posted by Ripsnort
You might be a democrat if...
Come on Rip you can do better than this! These are old.
Where's the liberal list?
-
<<<< 2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own >>>>>
hey, don't talk about FDR that way, or did you mean JFK, or his brother teddy, or maybe john kerry who married into the heinz billions?
-
Originally posted by john9001
<<<< 2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own >>>>>
hey, don't talk about FDR that way, or did you mean JFK, or his brother teddy, or maybe john kerry who married into the heinz billions?
Or Bush who just happened to get into Harvard because his dad was a big bad millionaire.
-
LMAO! Rip just owned the liberals. I'm happy that this thread took a turn in a good direction.
-
Rip's post was great, but Tarmac hit the nail on the head
Originally posted by Tarmac
Oooh, can we have the Democrat one now?
They're both scum.
-
wtly
-
25 Rules for Being a Good democrat
1) Being a poor drug addict who cant pay for his/her own rehab is ok cause they can just use tax dollars the drug addict never payed. But being rich and addicted to prescription drugs does not deserve any compassion, even though he will pay for his own rehab
2) You have to believe no one can make it without handouts from the government, and no rich man ever worked for their money so they deserve it to be all taxed away.
3) You have to believe the US should be in the UN, the constitution be damned, and that enforcing UN resolutions after 12 years is to soon.
4) You have to believe the government should be in your lives everyday, and that every deviant sexual behavior is OK.
5) You have to believe all corporations are bad and should be shut down through environmental laws. Yet you own nikes that where made with child labor.
6) You have to believe in separation of church and state, as long as it is the Christian religion.
7) “Standing tall for America” mean protesting along side left over commies and losers from the 60s and claiming you love America, even though you’re standing in front of a jerk with a Lenin poster or an upside down flag.
8) You believe a woman should have a choice to murder, only unborn children though, but large corporations cant make their own decisions without wading through thousands of stupid regulations that drive the price of goods up, and the number of jobs down.
9) You have to believe that Jesus is responsible for all the wars and evil in the world and that people with aids a wholly preventable disease deserve more time and money then people who have cancer and that Hillary will save the whole world.
10) You think the ACLU is going to save America, and they might, but for organizations like NAMBLA and it is ok for a president to take advantage of a 21 year old intern on tax payers time.
11) You have to believe the best way to encourage Military Morale is to send the troops all over the world on missions with no defined goals and then when a few get killed you send them somewhere else while cutting the numbers of them back so far they can barely do the mission.
12) You have to believe that group sex and drug use are good(even though they can spread aids See 9) unless a republican who is running for office did them.
13) You have to believe it is wise to give condoms out like candy and show 10 year olds how to put them on and advise them on how to give head, because we all know they are going to have sex so we should tell them how.
14) You have to believe the best way to fight terrorism is by showing them love and spending more of the hard earned tax dollars on their false good will.
15) You have to believe that the government can do a better job with health care even though the government does not spend a dollar without wasting two.
16) You have to believe that handing the care of the Iraqis over to the UN will solve all their problems so we do not have to spend money on them that would be better wasted on your own stupid agenda back home.
17) You believe that old cars are the worst thing for the environment and you will even be happy to keep letting polluting corporations buy non running cars for smog credits anYou also push anti smoking laws and you all SMOKE, YOU TOOLS.
18) You think Vietnam was bad not realizing it was started by a liberal, and the liberals lost the war by running it from Washington DC and imposing foolish rules and you think the best exit strategy for Iraq is to hand the country over to the UN who could not solve a wet dream.
19) You think Saddam was a good guy no mater how many mass graves we find, and that Bin laden just needs more love, hell you say over and over if hitler had not attacked us, we should not have fought him either.
20) You think government should expand itself so it controls every aspect of your lives and the constitution is great as long as it does not stop this oh and except for that silly second amendment thing in the bill of rights.
21) You have to believe it is ok for the president to have sex in his office with an underling, but if the CEO of Ford did it , he would be sexually harassing her, and fired and sued.
22) You are perfectly willing to sacrifice national security to for you own political goals by pushing theories that the president knew about the 911 terrorists and did not do anything with no evidence.
23) You support the right of the Supreme Court to tell voters that prop 187 was wrong and that their vote did not count.
24) You think that Bush is dumb because he is not articulate, but you think you’re tolerant.
25) You have to think that war for any reason is stupid, even when millions of people will be free from a truly evil dictator.
I added these two myself.
REP 26) You think Bush is making America safer with his expansion of the FBI and home land security but do not care that he locked a US citizen up for over two years without a trail or charges.
DEM 26) You have to think Bush is Hitler because his administration has terrorists locked up in Cuba, in nice cells and three squares but did not say a word when Clinton was trampling the rights of a US citizens by killing at WACO and Ruby ridge.
Before any of you democrats flame me, I did this in like 20 minutes and it is mostly tongue and cheek and unlike you I think both side suck.
-
bump
:aok
-
Originally posted by GtoRA2
25 Rules for Being a Good democrat
2) You have to believe no one can make it without handouts from the government, and no rich man ever worked for their money so they deserve it to be all taxed away.
I would add to the second part:
Unless, of course, you are a rich "Good Democrat"
-
Wackjobs..
You guys all live in a field of hay?
-
Like that means something coming from LDV JR or weasel JR?
-
Originally posted by FUNKED1
wtly
WTF?
-
Originally posted by Ripsnort
-You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not.
i hate how they always pull that line.. come back with this and they are stupidified.
Originally posted by Ripsnort -You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.
other than @ one time thinking jeanene was kinds cute, and loving pearl jam's music, i wish all these people (and a bunch others) would never had existed personall.
Originally posted by Ripsnort
-You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political orientation.
i almost puked when on my "orientation" to college back in 1991 they did this "experiment" with about 100 people all going through it.
they put a huge duct tape line on the floor. they then asked a bunch of questions like "do you subscribe to a defined religion", "do you believe your religion is the 'correct' one", "do you believe homosexuality is acceptable", "do you believe minorities are oppressed and deserve extra consideration for opprotunities", and so on.
for each answer they had us stand on 1 side of the line for 1 answer. when it was done they told us that when we graduate from University of Wisconsin Milwaukee we no longer have a "line" and would accept all things as equal or whatever.
we would be required to take 1 semester of 'cultural diversity' each year.
no wonder i dropped out of there.
Originally posted by Ripsnort
-You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.
this one pisses me off so much i dont have words.
<> rip ty for the post. that one is saved!
-
Originally posted by Tarmac
WTF?
Welcome to last year