Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Sandman on March 31, 2004, 08:42:58 AM
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Rip and paste:
How to Be A Conservative
In these strange and difficult times it is critical to one's mental and physical well-being to learn how to be a conservative. From a physical health standpoint, it's entirely possible the expression of views that may be considered by others to be "liberal" in perspective could get one branded a "traitor", which is a crime punishable by death. Mentally, it may be that the only way to live with the consequences of the current administration's actions-- an administration that is ostensibly your representative to the world at large-- is to ignore the constant onslaught of facts and declare that you trust the President no matter what. This is not easy (one must typically go through the stages of grief first: anger, denial, acceptance) but may be critical if you do not want to someday end up living in a cabin and muttering to yourself.
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1: Argue like a conservative For the standard conservative every issue is black-and-white, leading to a degree of certitude that you may actually find comforting once you become accustomed to it. For instance, in a discussion of AIDS a normal, compassionate individual may be forced to come to grips with the devastating impact of this horrible disease, and possibly even empathize with the sufferers. This can be very emotionally trying. For a conservative things are much simpler, because a homosexual with AIDS is no longer a complex individual with personal wants and needs who just happens to be gay and dying. In a conservative's eyes he is just a homosexual, and since homosexuals fall on the list of dislikes (see below) he is "bad." Your position in debate is thus much simpler.
To truly argue like a conservative it is important to develop the following techniques.
--Ad Hominem attacks. As children, we all learned the basics of this concept. It's when, after being confronted by a superior argument, one resorts to "oh yeah? Well you're stupid!" The conservative version is almost always a variant of the claim that "if you disagree with me then you are a traitor." Memorize this, as it is good in nearly every situation.
--Offer a constantly shifting target. The conservative side of an argument is generally inherently absurd or otherwise such a poor representation of reality as to be frankly ridiculous. Thus, if you champion a specific point for too long it will become obvious that you are simply being irrational. The way to avoid this is to change the argument in mid-stream into an entirely different argument. For example, if the subject is abortion, you might want to shift to prayer in schools, as this is better than admitting you don't care about whether or not the mother's health is an issue.
--Set up a "straw man." This is very easy. Rather than debate the points being made by your adversary, establish for yourself what you think his or her argument is, and then attack that instead. Thus, an argument against the death penalty on the basis of our fallible court system becomes "letting murderers out on parole."
--The louder you are the more correct you are. Again, this is a concept we all came to understand as children.
2: Think like a conservative Learning to argue like a conservative can be a very useful first step in learning to think like one, but there is still some work to be done. To begin with, if you are accustomed to thinking logically you are going to have to break yourself of that habit right away. For instance, in the same week Saddam Hussein was captured the threat level in the United States was raised to the highest level it's ever been. Yet you will have to claim, as a conservative, that we are safer now than we were before Hussein was in custody.
This is actually a simple, one step process. Most people develop their worldview via the following method:
Observation --> Analysis --> Conclusion
In this model, one's ideology springs forth naturally from the conclusions one has drawn based on the analysis of what one has observed.
To think like a conservative, simply reverse this chain:
Conclusion -->Analysis --> Observation
In this model, one begins with a conclusion, then analyzes one's observations so that they fit the pre-drawn conclusion.
It is important to note that for this to work, one must select one's observations carefully.
3: Dislikes You will have to learn to dislike a great many things in order to be a successful conservative. While it is impossible to provide a fully comprehensive list, here are some basic dislikes:
Abortion
Evolution
Non-Christian faiths, atheists
The Clintons
Liberals, Democrats in general
Homosexuals
Poor people
Taxes
Government
Brown people
Gun regulations
Equal opportunity laws
The NEA, EPA, NAACP, ACLU, ATF, FDA
The United Nations
The French
If you come across a topic that is not addressed above and are unsure where you should stand, ask yourself: is this topic something that makes people other than you happier and healthier? Are those people poorer than you? If yes, then you dislike it.
4: Advanced work Once you have mastered the first three steps it is time for some advanced study. Read Ann Coulter, watch the O'Reilly Report, listen to Rush Limbaugh, and keep Fox News on at all times. You may find that doing this all at once may initially induce vomiting. This is normal, and it will pass in a few days.
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Originally posted by Sandman_SBM
Rip and paste:
Noted: no source. :)
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http://www.genepool.addr.com/conservative.html
:p
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Blog site. Noted. :)
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Or, you could work for a living and pay taxes, be a responsible parent, and have a few morals and standards not dictated by Hollywood. I'm sure there are a few confused liberals that uphold these ideals but they'll come around eventually.
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I find it interesting that the same conservatives responded to Rip's childish "How to argue like a liberal" thread as reponded to Sandman's childish "How to be a Conseravtive" thread. But until now, no liberals have responed to either...very interesting.
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Originally posted by Thrawn
I find it interesting that the same conservatives responded to Rip's childish "How to argue like a liberal" thread as reponded to Sandman's childish "How to be a Conseravtive" thread. But until now, no liberals have responed to either...very interesting.
Your responding...
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Originally posted by Thrawn
I find it interesting that the same conservatives responded to Rip's childish "How to argue like a liberal" thread as reponded to Sandman's childish "How to be a Conseravtive" thread. But until now, no liberals have responed to either...very interesting.
Interesting that you haven't realized Sandman's thread is a response to Rip's. Well, not really interesting, but sorta.
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All that can be written much more concisely....
Conservative Mantra:
A. If you're poor, it's your fault.
B. Everything else is Clinton's fault.
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Originally posted by midnight Target
All that can be written much more concisely....
Conservative Mantra:
A. If you're poor, it's your fault.
B. Everything else is Clinton's fault.
And of course the Lib line:
A. If you're poor it's not your fault
B. Nothing is Clinton's fault
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Originally posted by AKIron
And of course the Lib line:
A. If you're poor it's not your fault
B. Nothing is Clinton's fault
No, its :
A. If you're poor its not your fault. See B for who's fault it is.
B. BOOSH IS EVIL, DETH TO AMEERIKA!
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Nice Ad Hominem examples! :aok
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I just like to see Rip and the gang use the "how to argue like a liberal" so well. Hell they have argued like that since they started posting on here...
Everytime you see "boosh is evil deeth to amerika" know that someone has memorised those arguing tecniques..and then note if he considers himself a liberal or a conservative.
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lmao Sandman.. good stuff!
GJ Ripsnort and company for living up to Sandman's post.... :p
dude
edit: lol I forgot the best part...
rip and paste... LMAO!!!
:lol
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Originally posted by AKIron
Interesting that you haven't realized Sandman's thread is a response to Rip's. Well, not really interesting, but sorta.
One gross generalization deserves another. :)
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Originally posted by Sandman_SBM
One gross generalization deserves another. :)
Yeah, but you are supposed to be better than that.
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Originally posted by Thrawn
Yeah, but you are supposed to be better than that.
Be sure to tune in next week when I unsling the personal attacks. ;)
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Liberal humor has always sucked.
Now give back the podium before you hurt yourself.
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What exactly is "liberal humor"?
For that matter, what is "conservative humor"?
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Originally posted by Sandman_SBM
What exactly is "liberal humor"?
For that matter, what is "conservative humor"?
Liberal Humor: Not funny.
Conservative Humor: Funny.
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Ahhhh...Sandman, this Conservative (i.e. me) finds your definitions of "conservative" highly offensive. You've provided justification to the charge that the typical knee-jerk reaction of most "liberals" to anything they don't agree with is to resort to slander and name-calling, which they loudly proclaim to be the purview of "conservatives".
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Yes! Yes! Yes!! I am offended as well! You... you... dirty no good... HOMOPHOBIC NAZI BIGOT MEN!!
(this is fun)
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Originally posted by AKIron
and have a few morals and standards not dictated by Hollywood.
If you are an involved parent you will not have to worry about TV dictating your kids lives.
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Originally posted by slimm50
Ahhhh...Sandman, this Conservative (i.e. me) finds your definitions of "conservative" highly offensive. You've provided justification to the charge that the typical knee-jerk reaction of most "liberals" to anything they don't agree with is to resort to slander and name-calling, which they loudly proclaim to be the purview of "conservatives".
I can say with all truth, that Sandman has and never will slander another on this bbs.
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Note to slimm: it was a humorous reply to another thread.
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WTG Sandman! I get so tired of the pompus conservative tripe on here.:D
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Originally posted by Torque
I can say with all truth, that Sandman has and never will slander another on this bbs.
True.
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Originally posted by majic
True.
Slander is spoken
Libel is written
unless that was a joke and I missed it.
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Yeah, but now it's not so funny. Thanks you ruined it. :mad:
:aok :aok
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the conservitive response to this bit of humor reminds me of a fight I broke up between my daughter and her best friend (in deffense of the girls, they where only 8ys old at the time :p )
my daughter was yelling and screaming at her friend, going on and on about some crap the girl did that had pissed her off.
I then pointed out to her, that she had done virtually the same thing to her friend just a short time before.
my daughters excuse was "But, I'm not the kind of person that puts up with that sort of thing."
just an observation.
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Oh please. Thank you Sandman for stooping to that level. Indeed, I'm sure that you have changed lots of mind though the use of rational discourse.
What a crock. What a bunch of partisan bull****.
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Originally posted by Thrawn
What a crock. What a bunch of partisan bull****.
Exactly.