Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: bigsky on April 06, 2004, 05:00:34 AM
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Ok folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stands and I can't stands
no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men
redecorating houses, talking about foreign concepts like "style", and
"fixing" guys like myself. (If you haven't read it yet, go NOW and read
Kim du Toit's "glorification of the Western Male" essay.)
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your ass, belch, and yell
"ENOUGH!" I hearby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture
wars, the Retrosexual movement.
The Code
A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE
whoopee DATE.
A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit
that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with ****. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your
home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long
you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking
cigars and drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.
Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an
endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30
years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if
need be. This falls under the "dealing with ****" portion of The
Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on
national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for
poontang. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself
will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the
long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental
stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family
in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to
a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because
Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH
****. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. Buck up *****.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed
to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a windsor knot when wearing a tie
A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang
on drums to bond with other guys. That **** is gay. However dressing in
kilts, banging on drums around a campfire, and
drinking heavily is just fine.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about
getting. (If not, he can borrow some from my friend Daniel, who has
enough wound stories to last for 3 lifetimes)
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't
hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret
until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.
A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini
has ****ing gin and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In
fact, why not just get a beer and a shot of scotch??
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are
riddled with fear, or are trying to make up for a small noodle. Massage
and cunnilingus skills are the way to make up for a small
noodle, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL with ****.
Plus it's just damnned fun to shoot.
These are just the tip of the iceberg. I need help fleshing out The
Code. Please let the testosterone flow and add your wisdom.
Note:
Crying. There are very few reason that a retrosexaul may cry, and
none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas.
Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preffered method
of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons
a retrosexual can cry include ( but are not limited to) death of a
loved one, death of a pet ( fish do NOT count as pets in this case),
loss of a major body part.
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Well appart from the title of the movement I like it.
But I don't wanna be a Retrosexual, sounds like you've given up women and reverted to trying to split yourself down the middle ala an amoeba.
Can't we just call it No Ma'am?
(http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2002-9/48257/20029211530-0-Swoop.gif)
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i can relate to most...except:
i like gin
i don't really need a gun
i don't own any camo gear atm
i don't kill my red meat
id like to be 90 if ive lived a full life
other than that im in
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I only have one tie and it allready has a knot in it... if I lose it someone will have to tie another one for me.
Swoop... believe me... there are plenty of retrosexual women out there.
lazs
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"A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge"
I don't know if this refers to sauna, but refusing TO do it is the gayest thing I know.
"A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title."
Why? A real man would not be disturbed.
Otherwise I'm in, the rules just need a little bit of fine tuning..
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Nilsen and Mora, these are not negotiable. Either you're in or you go back to watching Queer Eye for the Straight guy.
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has anyone heard of 'metrosexual'?
i just visited LA this past weekend. evidently the new rage is straight guys trying to look like girls
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Are you insecure about your sexuality lasersailor184? :p
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Originally posted by Swoop
Can't we just call it No Ma'am?
Love and marriage love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage.
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The only jewelry that real men wear is a wristwatch and an engraved knife or handgun.
lazs
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Hell I'll lead the Alabama branch of this club...Sign ups starting now and you don't even have to be a citizen of this state to take part in the club.
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Originally posted by lazs2
The only jewelry that real men wear is a wristwatch and an engraved knife or handgun.
Ammendment: If you have kids a wedding band should be included with this. Other than that, I'm in.
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I had to stop at killing the read meat it'self, I don't do that, and well if my date offers to pay she can pay!
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If it gets caught in the machinery... A wedding ring will rip your finger off. Makes kind of a "pop" sound.
lazs
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Well, obviously you'd take it off for work.
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Originally posted by Hawklore
I had to stop at killing the read meat it'self, I don't do that, and well if my date offers to pay she can pay!
Hmm, signs of too much Estrogen in your upbringing Hawklore.
A) A man ALWAYS pays for the date, unless his employment is Gigolo, in which case it is perfectly acceptable.
B)At some point in time a man must hunt, kill and eat his prey. This usually occurs prior to puberty. Later exposure to this ritual tends to have dimminished, but often acceptable results.
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Awsome,
The only thing I need to work on is the killing my own meat, but thats coming this fall.
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Reschke I would like to apply for the VP position of this club.
IN
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If you're on a date and your date orders red meat, do you have to go kill it?
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Not very many good options. Sorry the whole RETROSEXUAL thing is not for me. To each their own.
:aok
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shoot your TV
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bigsky
just read the glorification of the American Male, lol good stuff!
This guys page looks fun!
A blog that is NOT for wimps (http://www.kimdutoit.com/dr/weblog.php)
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Retroman achieves date!
(http://www.trantham.net/Pics/Killahevlin_Pics/Diane-with-a-caveman.jpg)
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Originally posted by moose
has anyone heard of 'metrosexual'?
i just visited LA this past weekend. evidently the new rage is straight guys trying to look like girls
Didn't that already happen with a few 80s hair bands? Poison?
Nash - she's not pointing, she's actually enjoying and performing the famous Fat Bastard nipple tweak
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I am not a retrosexual. I'm a lumberjack... and I'm okay.
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I know how to put a tie on (mmpphh) so I guess that rules me out.
Don't know if it was intended, but I laffed HARD reading your post lazs. I see guys with the perma-knot from time to time. It's always kind of greasy looking, and the knot has worked itself into the size of a gnat. Mostly at funerals and weddings.
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Ties suck.
I can tie a tie, but I hate them, truely hate them. They have no use but to make the person forced to wear it unconfortable.
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No question... Ties are... heinous.
But if ya gotta wear one... tie it yourself and tie it on the day of its use, for heaven's sake.
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Originally posted by GtoRA2
Ties suck.
I can tie a tie, but I hate them, truely hate them. They have no use but to make the person forced to wear it unconfortable.
If it's uncomfortable, you're doing it wrong. ;)
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hated ties when i was younger but ive kida gotten used to them by now so they are ok..
Sandman has a good point and so does Nash
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well it's the collar more then anything else, even when I was not chubby I have a big neck.
LOL when I was in high school and was not fat, and stood 5, 11 and weighed 185 pounds with a 17 inch neck, it has only gotten bigger sadly to say.
Now to find a shirt that is big enough for my neck, lol I have to go to big and tall, I think the last time I checked it was 21 inches? that was 40 pounds ago though (heavier so maybe my neck shrunk) Still, the 21 inch neck shirts are for HUGE guys, and my neck is not proportinal to my body lol, so the shirts are like tents! I can hold them out at least ten inches to the sides!!
LOL now you guys prolly think I look like some kind of mutant!
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I'm aroused...
Got pics?
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What do you do with a guy like James Bond? In or out? Odds are most of us admire him; he kills red meat and women fall of over themselves for him. But he can tie a tie and he drinks vodka martinis and is even particular about how they are made. And I doubt any Retrosexual would condone owning a tux.
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nash.. my ties allways look fine.. it is me that looks awkward in em..
funerals and weddings are the only events that require a suit and tie and even then... only about half. I simply throw away last decades funeral/wedding suit and tie and go to my "friend" at the Mens Warehouse and get a new grey suit with new belt and tie and have the salesman tie it and lossen it carefully for the event.. the suit and tie are then stored in case they are needed (gawd forbid) again before it is time to buy a new suit.
lazs
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James Bond is...... fictional and.... A tie is pretty darn uncomfortable when I grab you by it and throw you around the friggin wedding/funeral.
lazs
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What's wrong with ties and tuxs?
Nuthin wrong with looking smart occasionally. Sheesh.
The only question really is d'ya want a standard or Windsor knot?
(http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2002-9/48257/20029211530-0-Swoop.gif)
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swoop... there is nothing wrong with a suit or tux.... if you are british.
lazs
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Originally posted by lazs2
.... if you are british.
lazs
Not that there's anything wrong with that. ;)
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Another question:
Whining in general, and whining about a computer game in particular.
In or out?
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A Windsor Knot is simple. Wrap twice, over and under. TA DA! Any male that is intimidated by a friggin knot needs to have his testosterone level checked. He has probably been secretly watching the midnight reruns of Oprah.
Personally, I don't like wearing a tie but I had to for work and got used to it. BTW, a nice silk tie collection can come in handy if your girlfriend has a wild side. Here again, knots and testosterone come into play.
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Originally posted by rpm371
A Windsor Knot is simple. Wrap twice, over and under.
That's not a windsor knot, that's a standard knot. A windsor knot is wrap one side, wrap the other side, wrap both sides, under and over.
Edit cos I hadda go tie one to figure out how to describe it.
(http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2002-9/48257/20029211530-0-Swoop.gif)
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Originally posted by Swoop
That's not a windsor knot, that's a standard knot. A windsor knot is wrap one side, wrap the other side, wrap both sides, under and over.
(http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2002-9/48257/20029211530-0-Swoop.gif)
Tough to get a small knot with Winsors, especially when tying those really fat ties. But, you can get a perfect triangle with them which is tough to do any other way.
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How did a thread about being a man degenerate into how to tie a tie?
Wearing one may not make you a poof, but talking about tying one, like any real man would care is going to make most people wonder.
Lets talk about killing animals and eating them for christ sake!
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listening to people argue about their knots in their ties makes me want to wander off and shoot something.
lazs
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I wish their was a place around here withen 2 hours I could shoot that was not a range, range rules suck, lol and shooting with people all around me I do not know well make me nervous, I have seen some yahoos do some wacky stuff!
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I have Deer, Turkey, Quail, Dove and other assorted wildlife right in my backyard. But I live in the country. Got an 8 point this winter while sitting on the Patio.:D
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Originally posted by bigsky
Ok folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stands and I can't stands
no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men
redecorating houses, talking about foreign concepts like "style", and
"fixing" guys like myself. ...a retrosexual can cry include ( but are not limited to) death of a
loved one, death of a pet ( fish do NOT count as pets in this case),
loss of a major body part.
All this and more from a dude with a Japanese cartoon character as an avatar.:lol
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Japanses Anime is all about being a man, guns cars, fighting demons, big robots you drive and scoring.....
Atleast the good anime,
We wont count pokamon or yugio...
Please, talk about having a unmanly avatar, a runstang? the most overated WW2 plane ever?:D :D :D
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Originally posted by Nilsen10
Are you insecure about your sexuality
*bling bling bling*
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Real men don't talk about sex, they just do it, as often as possible. :)
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Cheers, Iron!
and on that note....I'm off to bed ;)
Ravs
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Originally posted by GtoRA2
Please, talk about having a unmanly avatar, a runstang? the most overated WW2 plane ever?:D :D :D
Not the way I fly it. The only runnin this pony does is usually after smack-talkin dweebs like you (j/k):D
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LOL damnit!
I almost had ya, the pony is one of my fav rides actualy, but no doubt I am a dweeb!