Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Nilsen on April 24, 2004, 12:00:27 PM
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celebrating my last saturday ever without kids! :cool:
Next saturday is may 1. and that is when my daughter is supposed to be born!!
Anything can happen from now on in, so i have a deal with my dad so he can drive if "someone" feels the need to arrive abit before planned :aok
cheers !!
(http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/emailfarquhar/beer.jpg)
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:aok
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Your life is about to change Nilsen, mostly in a good way.
Congrats on your upcoming family addition. :aok
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thx....sitting in the backyard with a couple of m8's, my laptop with some tunes and beer. Gf is inside with some of her friends and my mom..
i look cool as usual but im actually a nervous wreck :D
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Congrats in advance. :)
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hehe, I remember my first.
Your life is about to change, and it will never be the same again. In a good way. You wont be able to do stuff like before, but once you get to hold that little kid you dont really care about that stuff anyway.
So are you planning on being with the mom during the delivery? Now THAT is scary, and if you think you are a nervous wreck now, wait til you're 5-10 hours into the labour.
You liberal fool ;)
All the best.
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Oh yes Hortlund... ill be there if i dont faint :D
I could always stay drunk until its "time" but even if my GF finds me more relaxed now that ive had a few i guess i better be sober. She has been giggeling and laughing at my nervous arse all week.
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Disclaimer: Do not read beyond this line in case your wife is standing over your shoulder.
I mean it...girls can be very touchy on these matters...
ok....
My advice:
Stay up at the head, talk and pat "you are so good", "great work honey" etc etc yada yada but DONT look down.
Trust me on this...you might feel very curious and you might want to see what it looks like...but for the love of everything holy, DONT look down there.
When my first kid arrived (after gf had had a neat 13-hour struggle with maraton vomiting and excruciating pain) I was too curious so I looked down there to see what it looked like/how it was going. It killed our sexlife for the next year or so, and I was this close to fainting *shows with thumb and finger*
This was of cource before the doctor used a pair of scissors to do something UNSPEAKABLE
I can give you details if you want, but trust me on this. Stay with the head, dont look down until they put the baby on her belly and everything will go just fine.
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keep the details Hortlund, im getting the idea....mental images are forming :D
*thinking hard on pretty flowers* :rofl
i prolly will look anyway, none of my m8's have managed to not look even if they tried so i will cave...i know it
*thinking harder on pretty flowers*
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Ignore her when she reaches up, and grabs you by the throat and yells, "First thing I am gonna do is cut it off when i get through!" No matter how convincing she sounds,..she is just having a moment.
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rgr that skuzzy..
got me one of these...
(http://home6.swipnet.se/~w-64205/bilder/rustning2.jpg)
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Contratulations Nilson. May she grow up to be a good little capitalist. :D
Is that you in the armor?
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thx pork...
nah...i would never fit into that, to geeky for me too :cool:
better just rent one
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Perfect description Hortlund and Skuzzy :)
The other way is you drop her at hospital ,you phone to your best friends and go drinking ... (give your mobile number at the hospital ;))
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I like it Straffo... that way the nurses wont get confused and think that its me having the baby..:D
i bet i will scream like a pig contantly from the time she starts leaking until the baby is about 18 and ready to leave the nest :o
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hmmmm I've a new idea alternatively you can go out with a nurse ...
But just hope madam Nilsen won't ever know :D
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I guess madam Nilsen or Tina as her name is will be pretty busy so it just might work...hmm
*she walks in...looks at the screen and hits Nilsen's head with a full bottle*
ouch!! :o
better not go there straffo ;)
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In case you have a daughter:
10 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be
delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me.
You may glance at her, as long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body,
I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise:
You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not,
in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter,
I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers
securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.
Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex,
I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.
Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house,
and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl,
you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with
you.
If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.
If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.
My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
eyesight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided.
Movies which features chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay.
Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,middle-aged,
dimwitted has-been.
But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe.
If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.
Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a
rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up,
the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait
for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the
driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight.
Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.
The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
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Thx Silat, but she is gonna join the navy at 18 because that is tradition in our family and she will be safe from the guys there...
hmm
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the greatest thing ever, c-section.
no 38 hour labor (like with the first, before they finally decided to go with the c-section)
schedule the birth. (no, Thursday's no good for me, lets have the kid on Saturday)
no damage to recreational areas.
I wasn't (aren't) very good in the compassion area.
when she was in labor with my oldest she basically lost it.
she wouldn't listen to the Dr's or nurses.
she completely abandoned the breathing exercises to control the pain, which of course increased the pain which led to her going farther out of control.
she was in a major downward spiral and things where getting farther out of hand with increasing speed. it was very difficult for everyone involved, especially her.
at one point I actually had to put my hand over her mouth, pinch her nose shut, and say "Look at me. now, you are going to breath correctly or you aren't going to breath at all. when I remove my hand you are going to start breathing like this......, OK? ready, go"
it worked amazingly well. the younger nurses looked at me like I was the devil, and wouldn't even talk to me. the older nurse (late 50's) came up to me afterward and said "you know I always wanted to do that. it worked really well. somebody had to take control in there, don't you feel bad about that at all"
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we have thought about c-section but """""we""""" arrived at the conclution that we wnated to do it the natural way *sigh*
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Congratulations to you and best wishs for a speedy delivery to your wife.
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thx otto..if it was up to me the baby would arrive at about 0300 when im pretty wasted and dont understand whats going on anyways.. ;)
i would just wake up with a nice buzz and a brand new baby held by a smiling mommy that says "ill handle things from here darling, you just go ahead and see formula 1 and get a big burger and ill see you later"
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I won some cash when my second was born. I was about 20 at the time.
I told my foreman that I needed Friday off work because my kid was going to be born.
there where a couple of other guys there, they all laughed at me, trying to explain that your due-date was just an estimate.
I never told them that it was a c-section or that I had another kid.
I just went on and on about how the DR said it was the day, that we where very sure what day she got pregnant and that I'd need the day off so I wouldn't miss it.
things where slow at the shop so they gave me the day off, but still kept giving me crap.
so finally I got a couple of them to bet me that it I was wrong.
the following Monday I brought in the birth certificate, collected my money, told them about the c-section, then took the winnings and bought a savings bond for my daughter.
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:D
but for some reason my m8's wont bet with me anymore....maybe its because i cheat....ALWAYS
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Originally posted by Nilsen
thx otto..if it was up to me the baby would arrive at about 0300 when I'm pretty wasted and don't understand whats going on anyways.. ;)
i would just wake up with a nice buzz and a brand new baby held by a smiling mommy that says "ill handle things from here darling, you just go ahead and see formula 1 and get a big burger and ill see you later"
no you want to be completely sober and clear headed, or you'll miss the best high of your life.
when your kid makes his/her first noise (especially the first one) it's the greatest rush in the world. you'll feel like your walking a few inches off the floor, and that nobody had ever produced anything so cool in the history of the world.
of course that will soon be followed by the feeling of intense doom when you realize that you're trapped and that kid 'owns' you for the rest of your life.
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so basicly...what you are saying is that i dont need to record the noise?...it will return again....and again...and again??
sweet :cool:
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Let me give you a few insights into what is about to happen. (yeah, I think this is funny :)
Prepare to forget what its like to sleep.
The kid will want to eat at least once every three hours. Your wife will not be able to sleep continously for more than three hours. Have you any idea what this will do to a woman? If you thought it was bad enough when her PMS sets in...prepare to be surprised.
If you are lucky, she will just get up in the middle of the night and feed the kid. (riiight)
If you are unlucky, she will first wake you up and tell you how this is all your fault, and you should get up and try to get the baby to fall asleep again. So you will spend an hour trying to get the kid to fall asleep again, but the kid is really hungry and will continue to scream until it gets food. Fun.
Baby poo when they are just born is a black gooey mess that looks like crude oil. Nuff said.
ANDsSince your wife will hate your guts already for making her pregnant in the first place and thus being directly responsible for her not getting to sleep at all, you will find yourself on permanent diaper-duty.
Ahh parenthood :)
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i have a trumh card.... its called navy-reserves :D
If it gets too bad ill just say that i need to return for an "excersice"
ill just get a room at "sas hotellet" in Oslo and sleep 2 nights and party for 12....then its back to her :cool:
i have planned this for a long time Hortlund, i've even made sure that a friend of mine in the navy does that paperwork :D
when she is 95 and senile...ill tell her so that i wont "feel bad"
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Originally posted by Skuzzy
Ignore her when she reaches up, and grabs you by the throat and yells, "First thing I am gonna do is cut it off when i get through!" No matter how convincing she sounds,..she is just having a moment.
...or worse yet, she grabs you by the crotch and says that! Reminds me, you should wear a protective cup just in case. Hehe
Oh yeah, Congrats!!!
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heheh thx....the cup is always there when i go out partying so im set for the next few hours anyway :D
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Happy Day Nielsen!
Bring yourself, the wife and the sprog to England, and we'll show you a good time!
Take care and well done!
Ravs
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"well done" is ...well...
i just took my curiosity towards the female anatomy abit too far and this is what happened :D
i blame it on to much porn on the WWW :rofl
but thx :)
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How much aquivit have you had, young man!
Ravs
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none....thank "god?"
im only into beer and whisky tonight :aok
btw...im not sure im that much younger than you (29 in 14 days)
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lol! much younger!
but if you ever visit here, you must bring me me aquivit! I love it!
Whisky makes me smelly in the mornings!
Ravs
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i have 5 bottles of "linje aquavit" or "line aquavit" in my basement. that pertiqular aquvit is special because it will have to be stored and is stored for an entire trip around the world on a freighter. it is the original aquavit and it costs more than the "regular" once but the time at sea makes it something special.
onew thing is sure....it makes you very drunk
:eek:
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Send a bottle here,and I shall return the favour with a bottle of the finest malt!
Ravs
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ill see what i can do ravs...but it sounds fair and ill ask "my better half" ;)
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Do that! If you havn't drunk Lagavulin, you havn't lived :)
Ravs
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actually i havent tried that brand so that is something ill have to think about :)
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It needs a splash of water otherwise it tastes of medicine. but give it the water and wow...it's fab!
Ravs
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hey when in delivery she pull your bottom lip COMPLETLY over your head and speaks in that exorcist voice all the painful and horible things she gonna do to ya for "this is ALL your fault" it's spoken with love :rofl and that gleam in her eye isn't homicidal thoughts of male torture its the loving,caring , nourishing look of a mother to be that still love you.......just keep her away from any sharp objects cause she might just show ya HOW much she loves you
Congrates:cool:
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Best of luck to you and yours. May they be safe and healthy always.
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Originally posted by Nilsen
celebrating my last saturday ever without kids! :cool:
Next saturday is may 1. and that is when my daughter is supposed to be born!!
Anything can happen from now on in, so i have a deal with my dad so he can drive if "someone" feels the need to arrive abit before planned :aok
cheers !!
(http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/emailfarquhar/beer.jpg)
The best and most challenging part of your life is about to begin. Keep a sense of humor and spend as much time with those kids as you can because before you know it they will be grown
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Nothing to it, We have three, I caught all three, I cut all three umbilical cords. If you are a responsible person your world is about to be profoundly impacted, hopefully for the better. Mine sure was and has been.
Best of luck to you and your spouse. may God bless your child.
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Originally posted by Nilsen
Thx Silat, but she is gonna join the navy at 18 because that is tradition in our family and she will be safe from the guys there...
hmm
Erm... ever hear the phrase "Out of the frying pan and into the fire"?
And as was said above... DO NOT LOOK DOWN THERE!!! If the doc offers ya the chance to cut the cord, by all means take it.. but don't look. Your first thought will be along the lines of "there goes sex for the rest of our lives" or "damn.. will I be able to use that again?".
And capt apathy did a pretty good job of describing how it goes at the delivery, and hortlund gave a good desription about aftwards.