Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Capt. Pork on April 25, 2004, 01:25:48 PM
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Mine was last night. On my way home I jumped into a bush(shrubbery), and it turned out to be a bush of thorns. This morning I pulled a nice sized wooden spike out of my backside.
The leap of faith also led to an undetermined muscle injury to my right leg, and now I'm dragging it around like a mummy.
Was a pretty fun night otherwise.
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Two women - at once...well maybe not the dumbest thing but certainly the most memorable :aok
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Drive
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I broke a beer bottle in the bathrooom late at night and just left it there. I later got up to use the bathroom and walked all over the broken glass.
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Broke into a Preist's House and partied till it 5:00am ... Yeah... I am going to hell....:aok
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Lost the keys to the house, went to sleep under my dad's car (I was 18 at the time) before he went to work the next day he found me under there and totally kicked my arse.
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As a teenager my brother got into some red liquor(slow gin?). My parents just had a brand new white rug(why white i'll never know) installed in the living room. He barfed all over the new rug. I remember him desperately trying to clean it up, didn't work. He tried to tell them it was blood and that he got hurt real bad, I was listening downstairs to him trying to explain it away and starting lmao, my dad heard me and came down and whooped my prettythang, my brother got off being grounded. We still laugh about it til this day.
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Originally posted by AdmRose
Two women - at once...well maybe not the dumbest thing but certainly the most memorable :aok
I'll second this motion :)
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Octavius---->(http://www.the-reel-mccoy.com/movies/1999/images/officespace_lawrence.jpg)
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Originally posted by storch
Lost the keys to the house, went to sleep under my dad's car (I was 18 at the time) before he went to work the next day he found me under there and totally kicked my arse.
You fit under a car? That's almost the most astounding thing I've ever heard!
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picked a fight with 6 of her majesty's royal Marine Commandos. I kept on bumpin into them yelling "OY REN ENTIO YOUUU BLOODY HELL" THey didnt appreciate that too much. Good think I didnt break out the pincess deye jokes.
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back then i weighted abot 160lbs, but in a pinch i probably still could do it today, under a hummer!
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I broke a beer bottle in the bathrooom late at night and just left it there. I later got up to use the bathroom and walked all over the broken glass.
Then there was the time that you got so drunk at my house that you puked in Berkely's bathroom and passed out on the couch.
Sounds routine except I had to pick up the slack w/ Cheryl(remember her? titty shot girl), Stacy, and Berkely. Berk was hot too... all you had to do was be awake lol. I miss those days.
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2nd Wife.
'nuff said.
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...had another drink...
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Originally posted by rpm371
2nd Wife.
'nuff said.
FWIW:
Life: Married people live longer. They’re healthier too. Single men drink twice as much as married men, and they smoke more too. Married women live longer than women who are single or divorced.6
Happiness: Married people are nearly twice as likely as singles or cohabitating couples to say they are “very happy.” Single people are more lonely and at higher risk of depression. Couples who cohabitate before marriage are much more likely to split up later. And 86 percent of couples in unhappy marriages report being happier five years later if they stay married.7
Wealth: Marriage plays a powerful role in both the attainment and maintenance of wealth. In 1994, a married couple in its 50s had net assets of $132,000, or $66,000 per person. But a divorced person’s assets were just $33,600. Surprisingly, a never-married person had an average net worth of only $35,000.8
Sex: “Married sex really is better sex,” report Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher in their groundbreaking book, The Case for Marriage. “Married women are almost twice as likely as divorced or never-married women to have a sex life that (a) exists and (b) is extremely emotionally satisfying.”9 Truly, the best love is made on a bed of trust.
Children: Marriage is safer for children and their future. “The empirical literature is quite clear that children do best when they grow up in an intact, two-parent, married household,” writes Dr. Wade Horn, a clinical child psychologist and former president of the National Fatherhood Initiative.
According to Dr. Horn, “Even after controlling for differences in income, children who live with their married parents are two times less likely to fail at school, two to three times less likely to suffer an emotional or behavioral problem requiring psychiatric treatment, perhaps as much as 20 times less likely to suffer child abuse, and as adolescents they are less likely to get into trouble with the law, use illicit drugs, smoke cigarettes, abuse alcohol, or engage in early and promiscuous sexual activity.”10
Health: A man and a woman committed in marriage have the healthiest of all lifestyles.11 On average, single and divorced persons have worse health than people who are married.12 Tragically, the gay lifestyle is even unhealthier. The California Office of AIDS reports that a startling 79 percent of AIDS cases involve “men who have sex with men.”13
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Originally posted by rpm371
2nd Wife.
'nuff said.
I can one-up that.
My second wife was the same woman I'd divorced a year and a half before :(
culero (yes I was drunk and had rect-O-cranial inversion syndrome)
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used my visa on a pron site..
..i dont have visa anymore
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lol nilsen
<--- were never drunk
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Thought I'd be Spiderman at a bush party one night. Crawled over the side of a suspension bridge and thought I'd climb to shore along one of the support wires. It was MUCH longer than it looked, and I was totally exhausted about 1/2 way across.... I had to just hang there and take rests from time to time. Finally made it, of course.... not many options at that point. But this probably doesn't count... I was on 'shrooms.
I've done waaaay stupider chit.... but that's the only one where at that very time (and not the next morning) I said to myself "Man... this was a really, REALLY stupid idea".
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Happened in Hamburg, I took a leak from a pier and dropped into harbor... Of course I was alone and kept shouting for 10 minutes while holding to a ships rudder before I got help.
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Originally posted by Nash
bush party one night.
What's a bush party?
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Originally posted by Sixpence
What's a bush party?
Well, it's very highschool....
But, it involves parking on the side of the road, hiking a short ways into some spot that's basically known as a party spot. Bonfires, booze, and getting chased through the trees by cops on ATVs. And they can be huge.... 200 people. Sex everywhere. Good times. :aok
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Originally posted by Nash
Well, it's very highschool....
But, it involves parking on the side of the road, hiking a short ways into some spot that's basically known as a party spot. Bonfires, booze, and getting chased through the trees by cops on ATVs. And they can be huge.... 200 people. Sex everywhere. Good times. :aok
Ahh,ok, got it, yeah, we had pet names for such places, "the pit" "the rocks" "the dunes". My most embarrassing moment would be when my mom found out I was at such a place(the rocks) and snuck up behind me and dragged my arse outta there by the back of my shirt(with a good clump of hair). I could hear them pissing themselves laughing as I was being hauled away. I caught crap for that for a long time
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Originally posted by Nash
Well, it's very highschool....
But, it involves parking on the side of the road, hiking a short ways into some spot that's basically known as a party spot. Bonfires, booze, and getting chased through the trees by cops on ATVs. And they can be huge.... 200 people. Sex everywhere. Good times. :aok
Where were your parents? Did they know where you were?
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Decending through fog in a helicopter to land at a field with only GPS as a guide.
Camping near a riverbed, drinking and then ending up 2 miles downstream in the morning.
Climbing the flagpole after corp training and watching my mate slide down only to rip open his apple on the hook at the base of the pole.
I've never riden a bike while drunk on the road, but for some reason the track seems a safer place to do so.
I lived and worked in St Andrews Scotland as a barmen for some time, we often played golf at night though in winter was quite a challange to finish 1 hole.
...-Gixer
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Originally posted by Ripsnort
Where were your parents? Did they know where you were?
lol, better yet, know where your parents are!
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Originally posted by Sixpence
lol, better yet, know where your parents are!
Hehe!
Seriously, I wish my parents hadn't divorced, I would not have turned out to be such an uncontrolled, wild teen. (Mom never gave a crap about what I was up to after age 15, and it almost killed me.)
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Went cow tipping one night when in college. A buddy of mine pissed on an electrified fence. Was dumb for him. To this day, it's by far the funniest thing I've ever seen.
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We'd just won the next to last round in the midstate men's B class industrial softball tournament and the catcher, one of my best friends, threw a big party, with mass quantities of beer and pizza. The party was at the centerfielder's house out in the boonies.
I had a 5th of Jack Daniels and a 5th of Jim Beam in the car. Two or three of us polished off the two bottles of liquor, and I'd been drinking beer in those 32 ounce cups from drive in markets. We went in the house and several were dancing, and there was this one ugly chick who started stripping. When she headed in my direction, I bailed out through the window, and hopped in my Cutlass, drunk enough to peg the meter.
The first baseman caught me headed into town at about 80 MPH. They were trying to get me to pull over, and I looked at them, and flipped them off and floored it. They had a picture of it for years (TopGun had just come out and I did the "Greetings Comrade" thing). He said he lost me when I passed 125 MPH and kept pulling, said I went right through town at well over 125 and pulling away at around 2AM Sunday morning, through at least 8 redlights. Made it home unharmed.
We won the tournament the next weekend, I got drunk again, but we were at the lake and the boats were parked. The worst that happened there was a bottle rocket fight. Except maybe we left the plug outta the boat and forgot to turn the bilge pump on. We were going about 60 or 70 for a little while, but we kept getting slower. I was holding a beer in one hand and had the other over the side. When we got down to about 40, my was in the water all the sudden. I opened the ski locker and the skis floated out.
They don't call it stupid sauce or ignorant oil for nothing. I don't drink like that anymore. I was never addicted or anything, I just loved it. I should have been an alcoholic several times over.
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Back flips off the balcony
knife throwing...and catching
fighting
trying to start a fire with mixed gas (phoooomf!)
bow and arrow practice
Ghetto Quadding through the bush with no headlights. Ghetto quad was a pickup chasis, engine and seat. Ended in a loud cruch and a flight over the front.
There are more ... but that's all for now.
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*HIC Persting on dis boolitin boord *HIC
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Originally posted by Nash
Well, it's very highschool....
But, it involves parking on the side of the road, hiking a short ways into some spot that's basically known as a party spot. Bonfires, booze, and getting chased through the trees by cops on ATVs. And they can be huge.... 200 people. Sex everywhere. Good times. :aok
We called them field parties. Out of the ten or so I went to, not one ended without the help of the police. One time they actually made us smash the beer, then searched our cars to make sure we didn't have any more.
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Originally posted by culero
My second wife was the same woman I'd divorced a year and a half before :(
now thats dumb
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we never saw the beer/kegs after the police showed up. We allways assumed they were so hot to break up highschool partys because of all the free beer they could snag.
One night we were out at the rock qoury drinking and a state trooper shined his light on us and told us "idiots to muster up at our vehicles"
Somone had left their trunk open and he saw some of the alcohol in there. He searched the rest of the cars till he got to mine. He noticed the "semper fi" sticker on the back of my car and asked me for my military ID. I told him I was getting ready to ship to boot camp.....If he cut us a break I'd probably be able to still do that. He responded with "so you think you belong in my beloved corps?"
To make a long story short he was a Marine and made a deal with me. as drunk as I was if I could do 100 push ups with out throwin up and promise not to drive home he'd let us go.
I've never held puke for so long but 100 push ups I did.
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Originally posted by Yeager
Drive
That was it for me as well... The one and only time. I can recall sitting at a four-way stop sign for awhile. I thought... "Look right" and then I would turn my head and I looked for a moment or more and then thought, "look left" and turned and did the same for a bit and then thought, "look right again" and so on. I don't know how long the delay was between thought and action, but even then it felt slow. I may have been at that stop for ten minutes or more.
Really a stupid move.
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Plugged a fat chick.
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Originally posted by Ripsnort
Where were your parents? Did they know where you were?
Home I guess.
Did they know where I was? "Out"... that's all the parents of a 17-18 kid gets to know. There's a law about it somewhere.
I know you have this idea that your kids are gonna share all their secrets with you and you all are going to be best friends and everything... But tell us how that's going when they get into highschool... ;)
Gixer - "Decending through fog in a helicopter to land at a field with only GPS as a guide."
So... yer saying it's safe to fly a helicopter drunk, as long as you don't descent through fog? Whoah dude.... that IS stupid!
Sandman - "I can recall sitting at a four-way stop sign for awhile."
I'm real wasted, and I come up to a red light and stop. And Iwaited... and waited. Then eventually cars started to pile up behind me while we all waited for the light to turn green. The car directly behind me? The cops. And we all had a good long wait...
Until the cop car started flashing its lights, and making whoop whoop sounds. Then over their speaker I hear them say this muted "Mmppp yrrrr hrrricle mmmmmmrrrwww!". I'm like, "WTF?!"
But I'm panicking now, cuz I want VERY badly to get away from all this and the freaking light is still red. I look in my rearview, and now one of the cops is getting out and walking up to me. "Ah man, I am hooped.".... I roll down the window and in a moment of bravado I pre-empt whatever he's about to say with a witty "What the hell is wrong with these lights?!" I can't imagine how it must of actually sounded.
He said, "These lights are controlled by the weight of your car. You're way too far back. Move forward on to the pad."
Ahhh...
So I moved up a bit, the light turns green almost immediately, and I am a free man. I think my legs stopped shaking by the time I got home.
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wow Nash! Thats just, wow :)
If I were in that situation, the officer would not have been smelling any alcohol as my pants would be promptly filled. :D
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Frying bacon nekid,
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Not so much my stupidity but a friends. He started drinking in San Francisco one night, woke up the next morning sitting in a parking lot, in his truck, and after a few minutes he figured out he was in Los Angeles. He didn't drink much after that. :)
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Originally posted by Saurdaukar
Plugged a fat chick.
The few times I did that while drunk were actually OK, gud fun.
However, the one time I failed to bail after, and then had to see it the next morning while hungover....that was the last time :eek:
culero (still horrified 20+ years later)
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Tried to mow the lawn at my buddy's cabin. With no shoes on. At 3 am.
After getting pelted with a few rocks and twigs (and having my friends yell at me), I realized it was a pretty retarded idea. Especially when I started imagining what would happen to me if I slipped or did something stupid like pull the mower back over my foot.
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"So... yer saying it's safe to fly a helicopter drunk, as long as you don't descent through fog? Whoah dude.... that IS stupid! "
Yeah it is stupid but pretty common. I know of alot of instances where guy have flown from having a few drinks to alot. I'd see my old CFI drinking at the bowling club and then taking students next day. I once picked him up after he'd been drinking at the BBQ flew him and a couple guests home and the bastage logged the time as PnC even though he was asleep. LOL
Only accident I can recall where a good hangover was a contributing factor was a guy who didn't quite lock the collective down and watched the helicopter slowly lift up and over the side of a hill.
Dunno about the fix wing crowd but I guess it's why some airlines now do alcohol and drug tests of their pilots.
...-Gixer
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Originally posted by Nash
Until the cop car started flashing its lights, and making whoop whoop sounds. Then over their speaker I hear them say this muted "Mmppp yrrrr hrrricle mmmmmmrrrwww!". I'm like, "WTF?!"
LOL! I dunno why but I laughed pretty good here. :D
EDIT: Screw it - thats going in my sig.
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Luckily I don't remember them but I still hear stories from the AH con 2000 and 2001. So, I must have done something really dumb :D
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Tuned up on Beer and microdot mesc. Driving to 6 flags (We call it Great Adventure) Came to a circle type intersection.
Drove around and around the circle....
For about an hour. Laughing our A's off.
Fla Keys at a place called "Tiki Johns". After many, many Rumrunners Wife and I decided we wanted some sex and searched for a nice secluded spot.
We THOUGHT we found one between some bushes.
Got all nekked and were going at it her on top when All of a sudden I heardwhat sounded like a crowd of people chanting "GO! GO! GO! GO!" and looked over my shoulder to see a nice sized group of people standing on a balcony looking down on us,thrusting their fists in the air and chanting away.
So..we Obliged them.
By far though the bumbest thing.
Drank a couple 6 packs of beer then about 95% of a bottle of Takillya. and about an hour and a half
Woke up the next morning and looked at the chick in bed next to me and thought to myself "OH MY GOD! IT WASNT A NIGHTMARE!"
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Originally posted by culero
The few times I did that while drunk were actually OK, gud fun.
However, the one time I failed to bail after, and then had to see it the next morning while hungover....that was the last time :eek:
culero (still horrified 20+ years later)
Large women are equally as good and often better then small ones. and they are so much more greatful-- Benjamin Franklin
then again. He couldnt exactly be compaired favorably to Tom Cruise either LOL
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Bejamin Franklin was a well known ladies man in his time with many, many conquests. as less famous but equally successful ladies man once told me "he who is prone to eat as cat does will often go hungry, he who eats as a dog does will always get his fill". as I have stated before I can find something charming in every woman. The ladies that are often overlooked are indeed both appreciative and fun. I haven't messed around in over 15 years but I'm sure it's still the same today and will be one thousand years from now.
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Remember that movie with Eddie Murphy and Dudley Moore...the latter took credit for designing the "Dip-Gyro" and he had to go and be part of a CIA "sting" operation?
While he was heading for the rendevous with the terrorist dude in the parking lot he was muttering to himself. One of the things he was muttering about was lamenting about not being able to relay important "guy-stuff" to his son as advice.
One of his choice pieces of advice was that "fat chicks tend to cum alot". I'm sure he was right.
:D
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Jumped a bar ditch in a '77 Celica just south of Steele Mo.
Was doing 80 mph plus. Trying to read road signs, was lost. Went right through the T intersection. Landed in cotton field right side up. Front suspension put dents in fenders from the inside out.
Had to drive through 3 strands of barbed wire to get out of the field.
2nd dumbest: Let girl friend drive same vehicle a few months later, as I had too much to drink. Apparently so did she. Tried to climb an Oak tree after exiting the road surface to the right and bouncing through another bar ditch. Car was a total loss. Broke my nose and her right arm.
Got lucky, friends nearby helped get us to the hospital and removed empty and full beer cans from the scene.
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Mine: Let a girlfriend drive the golf cart. She drove us off a cliff.
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throwing up in a denny's restraunt bathroom,,then having a girl run up and kiss me right after it,,she started probing my mouth,,,then i said,,im sorry,,i just threw up,,,should of seen the look of shock on her face,,lol<~~im still dating her to this day,,lol,,im lucky my night of drinking didnt blow it for me,,lol
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drove
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LOL sometimes when I get wino drunk, I forget how to read english.
:lol
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Was at a party all day long drinking hard liqueur. Left the party in my VW bug, blacked out and woke up airborne after I had just left the road and flew over a dirt burm. The VW took a hard landing, but car and I no worse for wear. After collecting myself and getting back on the road, I went to my favorite tavern and closed it down.
By the way, this summer will mark 20 years since I've drank alchohol.
:aok :aok
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Originally posted by 2stony
Was at a party all day long drinking hard liqueur. Left the party in my VW bug, blacked out and woke up airborne after I had just left the road and flew over a dirt burm. The VW took a hard landing, but car and I no worse for wear. After collecting myself and getting back on the road, I went to my favorite tavern and closed it down.
By the way, this summer will mark 20 years since I've drank alchohol.
:aok :aok
It works if you work it.
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My social drinking pretty much involved binge drinking from the time I was 14 to 28, so there are a few. One of the funnier (as opposed to scary) events took place my senior year in high school.
Three of us were out driving around on a summer night drinking in my buddy's rustbucket 280Z (a pretty common condition for a 7-year old or so "Datsun" of that era) with some Boston or other arena rock playing. We were heading in for the night (not particularly drunk by the standards of the day) and about a block from my house when he ran a stop sign in a deserted commercial park. Suddenly the lights went on behind and we were pulled over.
I'm busy trying to cover the empty Old Style cans on the floor board when the cop walks up.
Cop: "Why did you run that stop sign?"
Me: (thinking to myself) "all right Scott, say something smart now..."
Scott: (after a brief pause) "Well, there's usually nobody here..."
Since it was the early 1980s, and we weren't that drunk and we were close to my house he let us go. A happier ending then when I totaled my ancient Volvo a year later during a drunken drag race (yeah, it made sense at the time).
Charon
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Originally posted by Charon
(yeah, it made sense at the time).
Charon
I love it how that one simple phrase makes all references to how wasted you were while doing something stupid, totally redundant.
You ate THAT?
Made sense at the time.
You said THAT?
Made sense at the time.
You slept with THAT?
It made sense at the time.
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Dumbest thing i did was to taunt a dog with food i had just bought from the local 24hr shop on the way home from the pub. Well i was thrusting food in it's face and then eating it, finding it highly amusing. The dog was not as amused as me....it bit my ear almost completely off, however at the time i i thought it was just a little nick. It wasn't until i got home and looked in the mirror i realised how serious it was (everything above my earhole was mangled and hanging off).
A neighbour dropped me off at the hospital, it was just starting to don on me what i had done the nurse walked in and said "theres not much we can do for dog bites".....i got very freaked out! the thought of only 1 ear wasn't very appealing. The nurse looked it at said soemthing along the lines of "Oh my! Ok, you're gonna need
to be sent to plastics for this".....i have never felt so relieved in my life!
My ear looks pretty darn good, most people don't notice unless i tell them. This truely was the most stupidest, drunken thing i have ever done!
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you don't meet somes definition of "drunk"
buzzed would be a better word for some of these stories..
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Well... Its different for everyone. Personally I've never blacked out and can go back through events the next morning sequentially and remember pretty much all of it. And I don't stop at "buzzed". If I reach buzzedness I am going for it.
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I'm generally the same. I don't black out and can remember events, as well as their progression, but that doesn't stop me from calling around in the morning to confirm that my version of reality regarding the previous night is a legitimate one.
If I could only remember exactly what was going through my mind to make diving into a bush of thorns seem logical, then I'd be in really good shape.
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WHere I used to live, I would pass out in the park w/ my friends and wake up in my bed.
I owe my parents so much....
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Originally posted by Devourer
WHere I used to live, I would pass out in the park w/ my friends and wake up in my bed.
I owe my parents so much....
Where in Gaithersburg do you live?
Not that I know the area well or anything. I just moved here recently.
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I said I was king Arthur King of the Britons and picked upa pair of fat chicks luckyly nothing happened I was rescued :D
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Puked on a cop's shoes while underage and drunk in public. Thankfully he was the nicest police officer ever and let me go after asking my friend, who was equally as drunk as me, if he was going to make sure I got home alright.
Splitting eighteen pitchers of beer with a friend will make you do things like that. Oh, the days.
-- Todd/Leviathn
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Originally posted by Dead Man Flying
Splitting eighteen pitchers of beer with a friend will make you do things like that. Oh, the days.
-- Todd/Leviathn
You're saying you split something like 54-72 12 ounce beers?
Are you just one person or an entire basketball team?
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ohhh Mr Pork, it is possible :)
A friend of mine is a frickin septic tank. He warms up on a case (24). He can soak up alcohol like a sponge. A tolerance that high is insane - I mean, sure, cool you can impress your friends. But in the end it gets old and turns into a money pit... just for beer! :)
Lets see... I was trying to think of a good one but I probably forgot all the good ones. I'd say one stupid thing, not the stupidest, was when I went to the pub with a sheriff while underage. Was homecoming at some campus and some of the alumni were floating around.
Another would be NOT turning my cell off before its too late. I end up calling EVERYONE in my phone book. I once found out I had an hour long conversation with a good buddy's mother.... hey, she's hot.
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Originally posted by Capt. Pork
You're saying you split something like 54-72 12 ounce beers?
Are you just one person or an entire basketball team?
It was Rolling Rock, for one. And we had friends coming and going throughout the night. So I probably had a little bit less than nine pitchers for myself. However, we definitely ordered eighteen pitchers of beer that night, and we definitely drank them.
I had a hangover for three days after that. Probably the most I've ever had to drink in one sitting, before or since.
-- Todd/Leviathn
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Originally posted by Soulyss
Dumbest thing you've ever done while drunk
I think her name was Tina.
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hehe :)
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Originally posted by Dead Man Flying
Puked on a cop's shoes while underage and drunk in public. Thankfully he was the nicest police officer ever and let me go after asking my friend, who was equally as drunk as me, if he was going to make sure I got home alright.
Splitting eighteen pitchers of beer with a friend will make you do things like that. Oh, the days.
-- Todd/Leviathn
Reminds me of a ex girlfriend who spat out a mouthfull (not sick) at a security guards feet just as he walked upto the Jeep while we were parked up at a no go area at the airport. Poor bastage don't think he ever realised what it was. :rofl
Funny as hell to us though.
...-Gixer
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ehh Gixer :(
please..dont EVAR tell us what it was (http://www.zen33071.zen.co.uk/puke.gif)