Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Mini D on August 11, 2004, 11:05:06 AM
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A cowboy was herding his cattle in a remote pasture when suddenly a brandnew BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out of the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peaceful grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to et an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Plot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not."
"You're a consultant,: says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required" answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about my business."
"Now, give me back my dog."
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:lol
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:lol
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ROTFLMAO:D
Les
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No critising consultants unless you've been one.
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Last time I saw this it was an "auditor" joke.
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Originally posted by Pongo
No critising consultants unless you've been one.
i told someone to shutup once, does that count?
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One of my friends works as a consultant, and it's his favourite joke :D
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Originally posted by Pongo
No critising consultants unless you've been one.
i've worked with enough to earn the right to laugh.
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Originally posted by Pongo
No critising consultants unless you've been one.
Been there, done that (3yrs as IT-Consultant), got the t-shirt. I thought it was funny, you're waaay too sensitive Pongo. Lighten up bro, you'll live longer AND happier.
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My taxes have paid for enough to make me cry
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Originally posted by Edbert MOL
Been there, done that (3yrs as IT-Consultant), got the t-shirt. I thought it was funny, you're waaay too sensitive Pongo. Lighten up bro, you'll live longer AND happier.
You have a grossley underdeveloped scense of humour.
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This is waaaay better:
(http://www.mse.mtu.edu/~milligan/images/consult.gif)
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Originally posted by Pongo
No critising consultants unless you've been one.
LOL!
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:rofl :rofl :lol
QUOTE]Originally posted by Pongo
No critising consultants unless you've been one. [/QUOTE]
Well I did sleep at a holiday inn last night.
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we would have to get a ruling on that one.
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:rofl