Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => Aces High General Discussion => Topic started by: Hangtime on February 14, 2001, 12:38:00 AM
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A little background first.. I hate cats, have always hated cats, cats are morons; cats don't kick in fer the rent; cats don't do guard duty and won't bring in the paper. They shed, they play knock-hockey at 4:00am and they don't get chicks, they don't do a damn thing but eat; toejam and sleep.
At least, when my kid got a rotty and my wife gave me the boot we had something in common... overmatched; we were faced with suffering the indignity of being a poor second choice for each other together.
It's been a coupla years now.. we pass each other in the morning offering mutual gunts, when I come home I feed it; it subsequently leaves me alone. I'm happy.. it's happy. When it's sick; it tells me (bastard hurled on my keyboad once) and since it's older than I am (in cat years) I tend to avoid giving it flying lessons like my kid did in her youth.
For the most part; we live our seperate lives in the same place and experience life in our own ways... I fly a online computer sim.. it sits on the table and stares at me like I'm a moronwith with it's oh-so superior smug half-purr . When I get tired of this, I take off a shoe and threaten to toss it at it.. it bolts; I go back to flying.
Till tonight. I'm in the middle of havin a blast tearin up knitland, we've got a beachhead; things are goin pretty good.. phone rings. Ex-wife. Seems the kid; on her second day of school (new boarding school) has wigged out.. wants to come home, hates it there, nobody likes her (wait till they get to know her), she has no friends (see answer #1), etc etc. Being a doting and caring parent; I call the kid at her new school and offer some encouragement (no; we ain't comming to get you), explain that it's normal to feel lost scared and depressed in new surroundings (wait till you get a divorce, kid), and to buck up and give it a few weeks...
Mollified (for maybe 10-12 minutes; I bet) she gets off the phone and goes back to face the music, and I get in front of the computer and start booting up.
*thump* MEOWRRRRRR!!! *wham* *thump*
Unconcerned, I continue to stare at the bios and cmos statements as they scoll by, sure that Hairball is just having a little argument with the cat toys (hairball tends to be vindictive and dictatorial; a trait I understand is normal in a cat) and give it minimal notice. Ahhh a normal desktop; Winders 98 has surprised me again, I can try to get on the internet and get in virtual line for the world-wide-wait.
*thump* MEOWRRRRRR!!! *wham* HISSSSSSSSSS *thump* MEOWRRRRRRRR!!
Sounds like a hell of a battle... wonder who's winning... I continue with the ritual of cliks and nudges with the mouse; affix my headset; jostle the controls; getting closer to bishland and happy isolation from the cares of ex-wife, kid (hey; if I have an ex-wife; how come I don't have an ex-kid??); Dog; cat...
*thump* MEOWRRRRRR!!! *wham* HISSSSSSSSSS *thump* MEOWRRRRRRRR!! *CRASH*..
Ruh roh.. now somethings busted.. I get up to head towards the sounds of the ongoing ruckus and my foot snags the mic cord.. the tower whips off the table *WHUMP*, right to the floor so fast my stunned mind had yet to grasp the implications, then the monitor follows.. deperate; I lunge towards it.. damn thing must weigh 40 pounds.. UNNNGH, I save the monitor from certain doom, restore it to safety atop the desktop..
*thump* MEOWRRRRRR!!! *wham* *thump*
"GAWDAMMIT!" I roar, whipping around and again heading towards the sounds of a ruckus in progress in the bathroom and in the process yank the poor tower through my chair (cord still around my foot) whick smacks the endtable; sending the phone and the light crashing to the floor (which gets my now freaked out downstairs neighbor to start hollering and pounding) followed by the monitor I'd saved from certain destruction about 10 seconds before.
At about this point I loose my normal sense of cool equilbrium and shout at the guy downstairs "AWWW SHUT THE HELL UP: amazinhunk" and then holler towards the cat secreted in the bathroom engaged in some unknown battle royale "WHEN I GET IN THERE I'M GONNA KILL YOU TOO!"
Shattered.. like my new computer so carefully and precisley built by myself not 2 months ago, I retire to the kitchen to get an icepak for my mangled arm.. (bruised from elbow to wrist from cushioning the first fall of the monitor) and return to the living room and sit on the couch surveying the damage when I notice my ankle is bleeding profusely from that damn garrotte of a mic cord. I slowly pan my eyes around the wreckage of my life... when there comes a pounding at the front door.
"POLICE! Open up!" Oh; no... groaning; I stagger to my feet; step to the door and open it.. two real big kids in blue suits; steely eyes, they take in the scene.. the place in ruins, me bleeding; ice pack.. "Anybody else here?" As they swarm thru the doorway moving me back by force of presence I answer.. "unnnh.. no... just a cat, for the moment. Maybe not much longer tho.." Now standing in the middle of the scene of what is obviously some sort of domestic dispute, they eye me dubiously "We got a complaint from the guy downstairs, he thinks a murder was taking place here, mind if we look around?"
I sink back down onto the couch; replace the icepack; groan and listen while one, still eyeing me carefully gets on his nifty little radio and begins talking while his big blue twin goes prowling thru the bedroom and kitchen. When he reaches the bathroom (door closed) and opens it Hairball explodes out between his legs and comes close to meeting the just rewards I had planned for it in the moments immediately preceeding the arrival of the Law.. the cop goes fer his gun.
"HOLY COW!" exclaims the cop (were do these guys come from? Modesto??) 'No,' sez I.. 'cat.'
Mollified, but a bit edgy; the cop pushes the door open on the bath to reveal the scene of the crime... and he starts to laugh.
"What happened here?" sez the first cop, and I tell him about the noise from the bath; getting up, catching the cord, wrecking the computer, all in gristly angry detail. The interview concludes with the name, rank; ID and serial number stuff (I'm peeved they didn't rake the cat over the coals) decline to arrest the cat despite my injuries and politely suggest I change the kitty litter instead.
After they are gone I have a look in the bathroom... 4 full rolls or charmin are shredded (about knee deep in hugahunk in there) the shower curtain and rail are down; all the deruitius of human personal hygiene are missing from the sink (no doubt sunk in the sea of charmin) and the litter box has been upturned. eeeeewwww.
Outraged, I limp back to the living room. Hairball is perched upon the spot that at one time was reserved for my glorious 21" monitor, industriously grooming, pickin the charmin outta her claws and purring a very loud self satisfied purr. I notice there's and odd refraction to the sound of a cat purring while simultaneously licking it's chops. I believe I can correctly classify this cat noise as...
"I won my fight amazinhunk. How'd you do in here??"
Did I ever tell you guys I hate cats??
Bish, sorry; I ain't gonna be on-line fer a few days.. I'm down to a laptop till I get this mess cleaned up. Knits; you can send Hairballs medal for saving knitland and covering my toothbrush with cat turds to the rooks, who know what to do with such things.
Hairball, meanwile; basking in the self-satisfied glory of whipping up on Mr Whipple, continues to languish on my vacated desktop.
I think I will hide my laptop tonight when I go to bed.... most assuredly still bemoaning the existence of ex-wives; kids and their gawdammned cats.
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Hang
1st/AG "Bishlanders" << Recruiting!!
"Turn to kill, not to engage."
Commander 'Willie' Driscoll, USNR
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MEEEEEAUW! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
Youre kidding, right???
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If I was 20 years younger that damn cat would be 3 hours dead. (Not sure I can take it one-on-one in my condition)
No; I ain't kidding. Thank god I can whine freely on the BBS or my neigbor woulda called it right...
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*falls outa chair laughing*
You actually break anything Hang, or did the computer just take a light beating?
PS here ist Hairball's medal! Nothing like ze Ritterkreuz for a Luftwaffe Pilot's job well done!
(http://www.worldaccessnet.com/~delta6/article/kcross.jpg)
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Flakbait [Delta6]
Delta 6's Flight School (http://www.worldaccessnet.com/~delta6)
Put the P-61B in Aces High
"With all due respect Chaplian, I don't think God wants to hear from me right now.
I'm gonna go out there and remove one of His creations from this universe.
And when I get back I'm gonna drink a bottle of Scotch like it was
Chiggy von Richthofen's blood and celebrate his death."
Col. McQueen, Space: Above and Beyond
(http://www.worldaccessnet.com/~delta6/htbin/delta6.jpg)
[This message has been edited by flakbait (edited 02-14-2001).]
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If that story didn't involve the death of your computer, it would be pretty funny. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/frown.gif)
How much got broken hang? Your tower might be ok, just check to make sure all your cards are still in place and your heatsink has not broken off your CPU. <cross fingers>
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bloom25
THUNDERBIRDS
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Hahahahahahahahahha...
Mwuwhahahahahah...hehehehahah ahaha..
And I love cats..
Heheheh. Wow. Sucks about your machine man, but as an unsympathetic rook I'm just laughing my bellybutton off at this one.
Guess that means all joint-bishop ops are off for this week? (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
/edit - that monitor, being 21", has to be about 60lb. My '17 is 55lb.
Man oh man, still chucklin..
[This message has been edited by Moose11 (edited 02-14-2001).]
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Damn, Hang, tough luck! Pretty funny though! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif)
Camo
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Camouflage
XO, Lentolaivue 34
www.muodos.fi/LLv34 (http://www.muodos.fi/LLv34)
Brewster into AH!
"The really good pilots use their superior judgement to keep them out of situations
where they might be required to demonstrate their superior skill."
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Relax Hang, Take Yoda's advice (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
Trust me, you'll feel better
(http://milenko201.tripod.com/yodasays.jpg)
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"ASSASSINS have BIGGER Joysticks!"
<< MILENKO >> (http://pages.hotbot.com/games/davekirk/milenko.html)
ACES HIGH ASSASSINS Website (http://www.cybrtyme.com/personal/hblair/mainpage.htm)
WB/AH ASSASSINS Website (http://members.xoom.com/rowgue/assassins.html)
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<<=== Off to clean litter box!
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Damn, I love cats.
Hang TRUST me on this one:
That cat will live maybe a few more years with you. The day she dies, TRUST ME, you will be really sad, you wont believe it, but you will miss her a lot (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
Enjoy your time with her.
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HAHAHAHAH!
ROFL!
The LW conspiracy is finally paying off!
I KNEW bribing the SMARTEST species in the US was a good idea (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif).
Sorry about yer puter though Hang; have probs myself. Stick works, but throttle doesn't, and it doesn't wanna do a hard reset.
Life is tough dude; but now you got an excuse for buying an even more expensive puter and an even bigger monitor (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif).
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Baron Claus "StSanta" Von Ribbentroppen
9./JG 54 "Grünherz"
Go HAIRBALL!
[This message has been edited by StSanta (edited 02-14-2001).]
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Well...at least your Girlfriends cat didnt piss on your Joystick like mine's did (look it up, i posted about it)
THATS why I have a ferrit (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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LOL
send the cat downstairs to neighbor
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wolf37
C.O.
THUNDER BIRDS
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Wow-
Good reading WobbleTime.
(http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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When I was a kid,
I threw my cat off of a five storey building.
Thirteen times.
His parachute opened perfectly, every time.
I would have jumped myself,
But I didn't have enough Hefty Bags and tape to make a big enough chute.
True story;
eskimo
P.S. (Good thing Creamo wasn't around!)
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Classic Eskimo, but I wouldn't shoot at a cat, chute or not! Virtual human fools? Of course... But I assume you were just a tard, and the cat was OK. That's some odd toejam you were doing.
HAngs "WobbleTime" story is a classic as well, and I'm sure his point was to entertain rather than deceive. It sure as well parallels some of the goofy stuff people post trying to be believable. Pretty funny.
BTW, my dad is a veterinarian, so you can imagine I had a whole lota pets growing up, and as a "employee", LoL ($0/hr) watched alot of cats get "fixed" and "fixed up."
One thing he told me I never forgot was people that hate animals was covered in veterinary college, and they are insecure about being men, or on the extreme side, mentally challenged.
You see enough grown men cry in a Veterinary clinic to figure it all out in a hurry.
Still the point was a good "tale", and if you can envision hangtime talking to stealy eyed police officers as a smooth rubber mouse cord bloodied his leg, so be it. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
[This message has been edited by Creamo (edited 02-14-2001).]
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(http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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Never put yer CPU on yer desk.. its very cozy secure on the floor hangtime, then again ... Hairball would just pick a beach head landing on the tangle of cords back there instead! AHHH Hell... cats suck! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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WarChild
VMF-323 ~Death Rattlers~
"Where's the Charmin!"
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I don't like cats- at all. Your cat wouldn't have lasted long here after that episode...
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Cats are fiercely independent and loyal only to their food source.
Sort of like us humans.
(http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif).
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Baron Claus "StSanta" Von Ribbentroppen
9./JG 54 "Grünherz"
"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up space"
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Sorry about this Hang but........ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! Great storry, bad ending (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/frown.gif)
ts
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Its too friggin funny (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
sorry the injures, Hang, glad to hear u are OK...but, really, that cat is priceless (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
P.S. no, the cat wont have lasted longer here than in Kieren's house (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif)
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Normally when i get a "bogey" in sight,my cat
starts"that",i want food dance(and all you cat
lovers,nows what that´s like)PRETTY DAMN!
anoying.
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So, the AAR is that in rushing to the aid of your wingie Hairball, who was in a life and death knife-fight-in-a-phone-booth against four evil rolls of Charmin....
You totally trashed a new 21" monitor and your new computer as well?
Hang...you lost your SA on this one. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif)
At least Hair gets to paint 4 rolls on the side of his litter box!
Good luck getting it all running again.
We missed you in Bishland immediately after you left. The attack on the nit home island instantly fell apart. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/frown.gif)
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Well atleast the cops didn't find anything else when they came into your place...
Here's a tip for ya:
Whenever you want to sit down for an evening of Aces High, give the cat a small bowl(I'm talking about maybe 4 creamers worth) of warm milk (microwave for 30 seconds). Your cat will lap it up and be zonked out for a good 3 or 4 hours. This is what I do when I want an uninterrupted game session... cat is passed out behind me on the futon and I can play for hours and hours. :-)
-SW
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I have 2 cats, formally belonged to my sister...they all seem to love to shred toilet paper, paper towels and hate it when your on your computer and not paying attention to them. Been tryin' to sell mine to the chinese restaurant down the street for years (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
CRASH
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I'm telling ya, when they do stuff like that, its their way of saying 'Screw you, you're not paying enough attention to me!"
(http://Ripsnort60.tripod.com/MADKITTY.jpg)
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oh man...ya gotta luv Hang!!
i've seen the "sea of charmin" twice!! it aint funny when ya gotta go.
fediddlein cats (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
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And you still won't believe me when I told ya a sheep shot me down???
If a cat can do that, imagine what a sheep could do! It's bigger! and meaner!
(http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
Daniel, aka CyranoDB
[This message has been edited by CyranoAH (edited 02-14-2001).]
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LOL Hang, had the whole building laughing here !
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Hang old buddy, sounds like it's time for you and Hairball to play "Incredible Journey."
Drive cat 30-40 miles out into the country, put cat outside of car, drive away.
This gives the animal a sporting chance, and is nothing like the old "burlap-bag-in-a-lake" trick.
Some domestic cats love a feral existence.
Then move. If the cat for some reason does make it back a la Disney, it's going to be really, really pissed.
This way you can say to everyone that the cat must have got away while you were moving, and you're really, really broken up about it, and you just don't know what to do.
Unfortunately, your new landlord doesn't allow pets, or you'd get another one so that your daughter and ex would have a cat to play with in the few and far between times that they might see you, but your hands are tied.
Every now and then, remember to look off into the distance wistfully, and look like you might start to cry. When your daughter or ex says, "What's wrong dear?", you just look down at the ground and say, "Oh nothing...just thinking about 'ol Hairball...never knew how much that old cat really meant to me..."
I've been trying for a few years to figure out a way to get rid of "Muffy", but my family is too smart, and has caught me before.
"Where are you taking the cat?"
"Um...nowhere hee-hee, must have left the window down on the car. Just getting her out..."
I feel your pain.
Mk
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As I look down at the mangled remains of what used to be my little toe (Caught on a dresser when going to investigate crashing noises)... I know exactly what you are going through.. except my puppy didn't cost me a computer (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
BTW.. I swear my cat was on the phone last week talking to a Washington number. I hope this isn't the start of some kind of anti-AH feline conspiracy!
AKDejaVu
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The credit card company will issue me a credit for the new monitor on a nifty insurance program they have.. same for my CDR which now sounds like a Firestone 500 doin 90. Aside from the Mic itself; the dent in the corner of the case and a bent powersupply mount frame internally, seems the tower came thru ok. The monitor is a total loss. They do need a copy of the incident report from the police tho.. LOL, I'll thank my neighbor later. That will be interesting reading.. I'll stick a copy up here when I get it.
My right arm is a mess.. can hardly move it; and the mic cord burn/cut on my ankle bled a lot worse than it looked. As I lamented to the cops... "I'll heal, that damn computer won't."
Within a week; I'll be back up to full speed on the equipment.. it may be a mite longer before my pride heals.
Hairball meanwhile seems to think nothin is wrong... I guess from her perspective (she obviously won her battle) things are just great in Hangland.
I think I will paint 4 rolls of hugahunk on that litter box tho.. and that medal. One more and Hairball will be an Ace. yah.. I'll let Hairball live.. at least till my arm heals. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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Hang
1st/AG "Bishlanders" << Recruiting!!
"Turn to kill, not to engage."
Commander 'Willie' Driscoll, USNR
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awwww you love hairball and you know it! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
my cat 'pouncer' is a killer little hunter. i have seen her sit there patiently eyeing a circling fly and then STRIKE! she is one bad kitty!
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I Frekkin Pissed my pants laugh'n at this Hang.....I used to have a Burmese Cat that got into a buddies drug stash (can you say purple haze). Man was that cat a trip heheheh. Good luck on healing up.
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"Little boy blue....cause he needed the money".....owwwww
[This message has been edited by Jayhawk (edited 02-14-2001).]
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Classic happenings Hang!!!
I copied your story and e-mailed it to people at work! They had a hearty laugh at your expense also. Sorry dude, but it is funny!! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
Good to see the insurance is covering the Monitor. Those 21 inchers are mucho $. Dont be too hard on Hair because it's all in the game!! Our cat used to attack my feet when I used the rudder pedals. Ouch! A swift kick to the head one time when she was too slow ended that!
Good Luck and give Hair an extra Pounce for me.
(Pounce is a cat treat. In case ya dont know, go out and buy the critter some. They love em!!)
(http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/cool.gif)
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I suggest you get a new desk for yer toys, the cat won the old one fair and square.
I think that was probably the outcome the cat was after when the whole incident began too, they are sneaky and underhanded, that's why women like them so much.
Great story!
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When did they put this thing in here and WTF is it for?
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Whenever you want to sit down for an evening of Aces High, give the cat a small bowl(I'm talking about maybe 4 creamers worth) of warm milk (microwave for 30 seconds). Your cat will lap it up and be zonked out for a good 3 or 4 hours. This is what I do when I want an uninterrupted game session... cat is passed out behind me on the futon and I can play for hours and hours. :-)
Yea, and then when It wakes it will toejam a hole in yer wall. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/frown.gif)
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<this one's for you hairball>
<S>
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Thanks mason.
<hoists a slug of JD>
Cya Hairball.. nobody played "Beat the Reaper" better than you. Hope I can hold out as long.
<S!>
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S! to you and your cat. I was thinking of punting this post up myself but mason got to it before I could.
I remember reading this from work and laughing out loud at my desk. :D
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Man I don't believe I missed this thread the first time around. I just about hit the ground laughing.
Sorry to hear about Hairball Hang, I think he was one of the knights greatest allies operating deep behind enemy lines for so long.
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<S> Hairball, ya tard. :(
I hope you come back from heaven (or hell?) to step once again on Hangs keyboard while he's lining up a Tempest kill..
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BTW, my dad is a veterinarian, so you can imagine I had a whole lota pets growing up, and as a "employee", LoL ($0/hr) watched alot of cats get "fixed" and "fixed up."
One thing he told me I never forgot was people that hate animals was covered in veterinary college, and they are insecure about being men, or on the extreme side, mentally challenged.
You see enough grown men cry in a Veterinary clinic to figure it all out in a hurry.
See Big Gay Hang, I didn't hate you as much as Animal.
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<S> Hairball
Hang in there Hangtime, tough days I know.
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I laughed like mad when I read this one the first time. I laughed again today when I read it...
I think is a good tribute to Hairball. Nice idea to bring this thread up :).
<S> Hairball.
[ 07-24-2001: Message edited by: R4M ]
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bump
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lol :D
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Damn near spat coffee over my keyboard when I got the "sea of Charmin" bit - Cats are great. :rofl
DmdJW
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(hey; if I have an ex-wife; how come I don't have an ex-kid??)
Not sure what to make of that from your story, but not my buisness. Funny story.
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ROFL Wheew man , the BBS needed that.
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Inside cats are useless animals.
We have 3 cats all inside/outside cats. Mostly outside and only come in to sleep. well one comes in to sleep and groom the dog (Golden retriver)
This cat LOVEs the dog
Outside these cats at least have a use. havent had my garden raided by squirels,mice,moles or rabbits in years. although they often bring home rather sizable rabbits often bigger then the cats themselves. And couldnt tell ya the last time I saw a bird (other then our duck) on the ground in years.
Yes we have a Duck. We dont have a pond, but we have a duck
One of my wifes bright ideas.
Ever notice how each time your wife has a bright idea it turns into your headache?
Anyway
She first brought it home as a duckling my daugter named it "Angel" I promptly renamed it "Tender Vittles" figuring it wouldnt be long before it became catfood orrr dogfood.
I figgered wrong.
Eventually the duckling grew into a duck and we started letting it out of its cage/box to run around. This was the first contact the duck had with any of the cats
Each cat I saw get ready to stalk and pounce the duck, and each time I saw the duck see the cats first and charge the cats. This must be pretty unnerving for a cat to have its prey attack it instead because each time the cats turntailed and ran away. Its funny because our best hunting cat which is pretty big even by tomcat standards for the longest time wouldnt even come into the yard as long as the duck was out of its cage.
and in view. It would just sit on the other side of the fence and MEOWW untill we cleared the duck away from the door at which point it would bolt into the house.
Now I also mentioned that we had a dog. a golden retriever, which as we all know are bird dogs. usually used to retreive birds often geese and DUCKS specifically.
Well when the dog saw the duck it got this look on its fice like "what the hell did you bring home now"
showed some interest untill the duck the dock ran at it at which point he backed off in a hurry with a "what the hell is this" expression. After that he just got used to him and now the Duck loves him too. so I have a cat, and a duck that each enjoy grooming the dog. the dog loves it
Funny thing is the duck will quack at anything th e dog barks at also. A few eeks ago my neighbors had some landscapers doing some work and the dog charged the fence growling and barking. and there was the Duck right along side looking at the guys and quacking its head off
Eventually all three cats must have just accepted it into the family cause they dont even bother with the duck anymore. and as we speak I have 1 cat pawing on the door to be let in and not a foot away is the duck now renamed once again (Aflack) quacking its head off. Assumingly wanting to come in also.
Sorry Duck you stay outside.
But its pretty funny to think that the most fearless thing we have in our yard is the duck
He must agree cause as I am finishing this up he just started again
Quack quack quack quack quack!
LOUD little bastads too
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Those were the days when even Grünhertz was still normal, sane human :)
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Here kitty kitty kitty.
Cat: The other white meat.
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Originally posted by SEgunner
Here kitty kitty kitty.
Cat: The other white meat.
Cats are disposable commodities.
Our cats are ok but Im not particularly broken up when they dissapear. We just get a replacement.
Put it this way. Dog died and got buried in the back yard.
Found one of our previous cats dead along side the road.
Bagged him and trashed him
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Drediock,
Wow you went out of your way to trash the little song bird killer. I found one of mine dead along side the road about 1/2 mile away from the house and left it for the crows. Once the kids grow up and leave the house then its no pets. I'm tired of stepping in coughed up hairballs with other choice nasty morsels mixed in with it. No more shed hair all over the house. No more emptying the litter box. The best is this. No more waking up in the morning with the little furballs spread out on my chest and me sneezing the next 1/2hour.
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Originally posted by Hangtime
A little background first.. I hate cats, have always hated cats, cats are morons; cats don't kick in fer the rent; cats don't do guard duty and won't bring in the paper. They shed, they play knock-hockey at 4:00am and they don't get chicks, they don't do a damn thing but eat; **** and sleep.
...
Cats are why God created dish-washing machines. And microwave ovens a couple decades later.
-DoK
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Originally posted by SEgunner
Drediock,
Wow you went out of your way to trash the little song bird killer. I found one of mine dead along side the road about 1/2 mile away from the house and left it for the crows. Once the kids grow up and leave the house then its no pets. I'm tired of stepping in coughed up hairballs with other choice nasty morsels mixed in with it. No more shed hair all over the house. No more emptying the litter box. The best is this. No more waking up in the morning with the little furballs spread out on my chest and me sneezing the next 1/2hour.
Well it was in front of my neighbors house.
Figgered it was better then him bringing it over and asking me if I wanted it back.
I wouldnt have cared but my daughter gets squeemish about such things
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:rofl :rofl :rofl
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Somebody went diggin'...
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Originally posted by Howitzer
Somebody went diggin'...
something is worth digging up :)
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My cat furball sends cudos to Hairball.
When I hear a fight going on, I have to run outside and yell at furball to put some ones cat down and come home. He's a big white fluffy murderous bully. Last week he went into a neighbors house and beat up her cat in the living room. It had it coming. It sits outside my bedroom window at 3:00am and taunts furball. Then he gets pissed and jumps up and down on my chest and face because I won't let him out. But she leaves a window open for it to come and go.........and I let furball out on weekends......revenge is a mouth full of fur......;) Definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice expecting different results........the other cat's owner keeps changing the window she leaves open for her cat thinking furball won't follow him home and whip his arse........furball 3...other cat 0..........insanity. Anyone want a date with her???? she's a cutiie, just not bright.
My girlfreind just brought home the new cat named Lockwood. He has an afterburner in his kester. And I swear he has never touched the floor since he's been in the house. All you see of him is a tail with hair standing on end going by at MACH 3. You don't do anything in the house without shorts on or a bathrobe with Lockwood loose. He sneeks up behind you and cold wet noses you where it aint nice. You don't leave the toilet seat up, he's not afraid of water. When you flush that lid better be down or he tries to jump in and play with the contents.................he commands worm holes, I have no clue how he just shows up, then dissapears a moment later, then shows up behind you killing one of 12 Mr. Mousies furball has lost in the last 7 years........
I had to put a stool in the computer room for furball to sit next to me when I fly. Other wise he leaps into my lap and tries to fly for me. At least on the stool he eventualy curls up and sleeps. Only after he decides I'm not flying the way he likes and nips me on the wrist. You can imagine how bad my aim is, even if furball's not in the room, I have an unconcious flinch at times when I pull the trigger...................... ..:)
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One of my cats, "Bengal Man", is a 100% pure bread Bengal.. he tips the scales at just over 20lbs. He's 1/16th Puma and illegal to own in some cities.
The neighbors Psycho Duck lets Bengal Man get just close enough, stands there with that dorky duck look of defiance, then charges. Wings spread and screaming.
Like a bullfighter B man jumps, bobs and jukes.. taking the occasional swipe with a "Toro" cat spit.
B man is a stone killer, my doorstep is constantly littered with the corpses of rats with wings and other assorted vermin, but he’s met his match with that crazy Duck, “El pato loco”
My neighbor, heh, “Is my Duck harassing your cat again (snicker)”
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Originally posted by x0847Marine
Like a bullfighter B man jumps, bobs and jukes.. taking the occasional swipe with a "Toro" cat spit.
your cat bails at the sign of a fight?
Originally posted by x0847Marine
B man is a stone killer, my doorstep is constantly littered with the corpses of rats with wings and other assorted vermin, but he’s met his match with that crazy Duck, “El pato loco”
your cat can only kill defenceless other creatures?
bwahahhaahahaha.
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:rofl LOL
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Last Summer my wifes 16 yr old Purebred Himilayan let us know it was time to go.
His spot at the food bowl got filled by a ball of orange tabby fur with attitude named of all things "buster" Well buster has spent the last year growing into his name.
I recently invested in a pair of airsoft pistols & mouse traps just so I could have 1 or 2 flat surfaces that he didn't rule. Little sucker is half the size of our other cats but he's got 4 x as much attitude and he just does NOT back down.
He is a smart little dude, for every 10 hours of terrorizing, & 13 hours of sleeping he sneaks in 1 hour of sitting on your lap purring. Just enough to keep us from getting rid of the little monster.
He reminds me of furball in many respects. Ohh well the other 2 cats each had their turn to terrorize the house, what goes around comes around I guess. They are sure paying for it now. :)
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>>Knits; you can send Hairballs medal for saving knitland and covering my toothbrush with cat turds to the rooks, who know what to do with such things.<<
Don't bother with the cat turds or medal; send us the cat instead.
:D That cat has potential to be of use to us :lol
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>>Ever notice how each time your wife has a bright idea it turns into your headache? <<
Yeah...MY headache :(
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OMG LMAO that was too dammmmm funny blew coffee all over monitor:)
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Originally posted by Nilsen
something is worth digging up :)
Thanks Nilsen, was well worth the punt.
:).
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Originally posted by mason22
<this one's for you hairball>
<S>
OK, just when I thought I was getting the hang of l337 speak, what the hell is "<S> all about? I'm toally confused now.