Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Sandman on September 08, 2004, 09:53:26 PM
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I sit here... reading online and surfing... meanwhile listening to my wife peck away at the 50 messages she receives every single day.
I am convinced. Women on the internet are just one great big collective denial of service attack that exist for the sole purpose of forwarding spam and silly self help anecdotes between them.
:eek:
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So long as they don't do it on MY email....
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Originally posted by Sandman
I sit here... reading online and surfing... meanwhile listening to my wife peck away at the 50 messages she receives every single day.
I am convinced. Women on the internet are just one great big collective denial of service attack that exist for the sole purpose of forwarding spam and silly self anecdotes between them.
:eek:
And in the mean time, you have a WAR to tend too Sultan Sandam!!@!
:cool:
Ahh, just kidding :)
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Originally posted by Sandman
I sit here... reading online and surfing... meanwhile listening to my wife peck away at the 50 messages she receives every single day.
I am convinced. Women on the internet are just one great big collective denial of service attack that exist for the sole purpose of forwarding spam and silly self anecdotes between them.
:eek:
You should hear her talk about your online flight sim addiction to her cronies.... And how many times a day you use the term whiner and dweeb while driving....
They all do it dont be surprised!
IKON
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I heard on the radio that the average woman says upwards of 6,000 words a day while the average man says only 1,700 words a day.
Then I saw a bumper sticker that said "Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History."
I thought of Lazs...
And came to the conclusion that he is correct.
There is no such thing as a "Well Behaved Woman"....
Otherwise they wouldn't talk so damn much.
<> Lazs. :aok
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Originally posted by Sandman
I sit here... reading online and surfing... meanwhile listening to my wife peck away at the 50 messages she receives every single day.
I am convinced. Women on the internet are just one great big collective denial of service attack that exist for the sole purpose of forwarding spam and silly self anecdotes between them.
:eek:
WHAT?????
Cmon Sand....THINK MAN!
Those denial of service attacks could be on your inner sanity by endless questions of "do you like my new hat?" type questions.
Be happy that your woman uses a computer, mine just *****es about me using mine.
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Airhead
lol it is good to see the funny Airhead back! :D
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Originally posted by Sandman
I sit here... reading online and surfing... meanwhile listening to my wife peck away at the 50 messages she receives every single day.
I am convinced. Women on the internet are just one great big collective denial of service attack that exist for the sole purpose of forwarding spam and silly self help anecdotes between them.
:eek:
Your not alone. my wife and her friends 7 sisters do the exact same thing. They even send each other pictures of kids they see ever other day.
You really wanna get your head shaking. Then check out the webites she visits.
they actualy look up sites that have those little self help thingies ad all sorts of totally useless sites
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... and horoscopes! Don't forget the horoscopes!!
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who else read this post looking for that flash joke abotu a chick on the BBS for that game with all the BBS dorks chatting with her?
LMFAO
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Originally posted by Gunslinger
WHAT?????
Cmon Sand....THINK MAN!
Those denial of service attacks could be on your inner sanity by endless questions of "do you like my new hat?" type questions.
Be happy that your woman uses a computer, mine just *****es about me using mine.
Dontcha just love the absurd questions they ask too?
One of my Favs was "What would you do if I died?"
My first thought was to say "Cleanout and reclaim the bathroom off the master bedroom then throw a party"
but I thought better of it and just said "Be Sad"
Another is when they come home sporting one of their new hairstyles then ask you how you like it knowing all along you would hate it. Then when you lie and tell them it looks ok they call you a liar.
Worst responce I ever gave to that question was "It makes you look like a bull dyke"
Her Reaction?.. Well at least I got 4 days of peace and quiet.
Always remember if they are complaining about something never to fix whatever it is they are complaining about.
If you do they will just find something new to complain about.
They shouldnt call marriage, Marriage.
they should call it "ultimate survivor"
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Am I getting fat?™
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Originally posted by Saintaw
Am I getting fat?™
Yeah that one.......
Gunns
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Originally posted by DREDIOCK They shouldnt call marriage, Marriage.
they should call it "ultimate survivor"
Funny thing is, my wife would appreciate that statement, and then go about making our life one big game. Complete with prizes, hers always better than mine. Wich really wouldn't matter, because my answers are allways wrong.
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Now don't go painting us all with the same brush! :p
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Women! :mad: My wife elbowed me hard the other day! We were out on the porch, happened to both glance at the neighbor as he arrived home from work, his beautiful wife came to the door to greet him, they hugged, he gave her a big kiss! My wife said "Why don't you ever do that!?" I said "I tried, but she slapped me!"
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Originally posted by DREDIOCK
You really wanna get your head shaking. Then check out the webites she visits. they actualy look up sites that have those little self help thingies ad all sorts of totally useless sites
Dang straight! Not like the ones we visit!
(You know --- the ones where we endlessly whine about a game and solve all the world's political problems.)
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How to impress a woman:
wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Support her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Listen to her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Romance her,
Encourage her,
Believe in her,
Pray with her,
Pray for her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.
How to impress a man:
Show up naked ... Bring chicken wings .. Don't block the TV
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Originally posted by myelo
Dang straight! Not like the ones we visit!
(You know --- the ones where we endlessly whine about a game and solve all the world's political problems.)
:eek: :eek: :eek:
Myelo...a feminist FDB!!!!!
Abandon ship at once!!
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Originally posted by myelo
Dang straight! Not like the ones we visit!
(You know --- the ones where we endlessly whine about a game and solve all the world's political problems.)
Yes, and your point is? :)
Oh BTW you forgot to mention porn sites
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My favorite is Women want Romance. men just want kink/sex
Men usually have no interest in romance unless its going to get them sex.
Women want romantic candlelit dinners and a hotel room with a heartshaped tub in an equaly romantic setting of flowers chokolates and soft music.
Give me a room with a dungeon and Im a happy man!
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hiya airhead...
My rule for girlfriends this last decade has been... no girlfriend who does not live at least 50 miles away.
this info was hard learned for me... I first began to suspect it was a good idea when I noticed my second failing marriage was doing much better during the time I worked out of town all week.
never comprimise... you are right and they are wrong... you know it and they know it... if you give in they will lose respect for you.
the self help section is nothing but a bunch of women and really stupid books and a few kerrie voting men with ponytails and or greatful dead shirts.
lazs
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Originally posted by Flossy
Now don't go painting us all with the same brush! :p
I would never use a brush Ive used on one woman on another.
Its just unsanitary :)
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Originally posted by lazs2
hiya airhead...
never comprimise... you are right and they are wrong... you know it and they know it... if you give in they will lose respect for you.
lazs
That is a very good point. And really true.
Women dig strong men.
I heard a woman actually confirm this and say
"A Strong man has the same effect on a woman that a large set of breasts have on a man"
My experiance is its true.
Tried telling my 16 year old son this but he had to learn this lesson for himself the hard way.
Now he has a zero crap tolerance policy
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Her: "Does my butt look fat in this?"
Him: "I need a reference... those clothes, this room, what?"
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Originally posted by deSelys
Myelo...a feminist FDB!!!!!
Abandon ship at once!!
We don't need ships -- we float good.
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Originally posted by Saintaw
Am I getting fat?™
Almost Sandman, but it's this one that will nail you.
"Does this make me look fat?"
Man: No dear
Woman: Are saying I am fat?
You cannot win.
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...and dont' forget (in reference to another woman)
"Do you think she's pretty?"
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That's a good one.
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Originally posted by Ripsnort
Women! :mad: My wife elbowed me hard the other day! We were out on the porch, happened to both glance at the neighbor as he arrived home from work, his beautiful wife came to the door to greet him, they hugged, he gave her a big kiss! My wife said "Why don't you ever do that!?" I said "I tried, but she slapped me!"
lol
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Originally posted by Skuzzy
Almost Sandman, but it's this one that will nail you.
"Does this make me look fat?"
Man: No dear
Woman: Are saying I am fat?
You cannot win.
"Why would anything make you look fat??
"Where do you want to go for dinner?"
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Originally posted by Gunslinger
Be happy that your woman uses a computer, mine just *****es about me using mine.
Yours, too? Glad to know I'm not alone.
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That only sometimes works. But if ya plan the next sentence right, and spit it out before she can rail ya, you're golden.:D
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Originally posted by slimm50
Yours, too? Glad to know I'm not alone.
LOL, The AH anonymous club of America contacted my wife, suggested lawyers, sent her a schedule of local support group meetings, and gave her tips on how to get (manipulate) me off the computer.
Trust me, you are not the only one:cool:
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Originally posted by Lazerus
LOL, The AH anonymous club of America contacted my wife, suggested lawyers, sent her a schedule of local support group meetings, and gave her tips on how to get (manipulate) me off the computer.
Trust me, you are not the only one:cool:
Man, my wife can go from cute and cuddley to white- hot, veins-poppin-out-in-her-neck mad in the blink of an eye if I'm playin on the 'puter when she thinks there's something else I ought to be doing instead. I think she's just jealous.
Yeah, I'm pw'd.
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When she does that, wait for her to stop *****in/talkin. About 2 seconds later, turn towards her and say, "Huh, I didn't hear ya?"
BOOOM!
But do it again.
After about 3 years it works.
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Originally posted by slimm50
Yours, too? Glad to know I'm not alone.
I used to have a real problem with this during the '80s. Now I am paying the mortgage and sending the kids to private schools because of the computer. She doesn't bi....errr...complain about them as much.
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Originally posted by Airhead
the average man says only 1,700 words a day.
ahh, err , do grunts count as words?
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Originally posted by Lazerus
"Why would anything make you look fat??
"Where do you want to go for dinner?"
You have to know that the immediate response is going to be, "Why are you avoiding the question? I DO LOOK FAT!!!"
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"does this dress make me look fat"
im not sure, lets see you without it
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Originally posted by vorticon
"does this dress make me look fat"
im not sure, lets see you without it
"Do I look so bad you cannot remember what I look like without clothes?!?!" She then packs and goes home to mother.
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Oh Lordy...memories....Arielle was forever sending those Life Channel surveys, horoscope analyzers, "Tell your friends about yourself" and infinite amounts of those 'Are you right for her/him' type questionaires the chicks drool for in your 17/Cosmo magazines.
Drama. Chicks dig it.
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Originally posted by Skuzzy
"Do I look so bad you cannot remember what I look like without clothes?!?!" She then packs and goes home to mother.
And you WIN!:D
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Until her lawyer calls,..or doesn't...does not matter as you are sweating bullets by day 2 wondering.
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As you sit on the beach in the Cayman's.......Well, that would be you. Me, I'd be sitting in the back of a slew in the Tennesee River, throwin wood on a fire and wonderin why I was there.
Wife??
What wife?
Hey!, I think I got a bite!
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Well,..Lazerus aside as he seems bent on getting rid of his other half,..you cannot win. :D
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Bent?
Hmm, when does the wife get home???
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LOL! You're a twisted pup.
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When does the pup get home?
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Originally posted by Lazerus
When does the pup get home?
thats even worse
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Damn cat just sittin outside the door, won't come in.
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(http://www.imagedump.com/index.cgi?pick=get&tp=120568)
http://www.imagedump.com/index.cgi?pick=get&tp=120568
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TEASE! I expected at least two different pictures.
Oh, and speaking of *****cats.....
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Before I found the lady of my life, I had a lot of married freinds. My comment on their relationships with their wives when they complained too much was:
" I get the best of this. I get to sit around and bu!! watermelon and drink coffee with her. You have to sleep with her!":)
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You guys are also forgettting how you can say one thing and to them it HAS to have some deeper meaning.
her "How did you like the movie"
Him "It was good"
her "Whats that supposed to mean"
him "IT means what I said. it wa good"
her "Well thats NOT the way you said it"
And ya ever notice how right when your in the middle of doing one thing they want you to do something else for them?
One time I was cooking something and the oil fell off a lazy susan type shelf I have in a corner cabinet.
Well it fell into the back of the cabinet. So Im cussing and digging around the cabinet literally my body is half in it when I suddenly hear "Tom can you open the other cabinet for me so I can dump this in the trash?"
My mistake? I sighed. thats right sighed.
"Well what was THAT for?"
what was what for?
The sigh.
Yea I sighed, so what
Its the way you sighed
Well I was busy.
Oh forget it Ill do it myself
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Our next door neighbor works out of town during the week, so we were surprised to see his car in the driveway the other day- and my wife was emberassed cause we'd had loud sex the night before that he had to have heard. I asked her why she was emberassed? After all I was the one who had been screaming.
Another thing she does that I can't understand is she gets mad if I use her toothbrush. We've been a couple for over twenty years and we've exchanged a heck of a lot more than spit, and we've had various body parts- the same body parts that the language filter makes look like ***** if we type their slang names here- in each others' mouths countless times, and she rarely complains about that.
I don't understand.
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does anyone have one of those wifes that CONSTANTLY like to rearrange the furnature?????
Mine is planning out our 6th living room floor plan.
She agreed to get me a wireless router so we can relocate my computer BUT
She never takes into account thos little unimportant things like:
POWER OUTLETS, PHONE LINES; WERE THE DIRECTV COMES IN
I don't know how much more of this I can take. She keeps moving the TV from one side of the room then back to the other. Each time I have to restring the cable for it.
TO TOP IT OFF we now have a 55 gallon fish tank and stand wich she wants to relocate.
My wife had been Beachin at me for weeks to clean up the garage so I finally got around to it.
What does she do???????
She cleans out the house and puts all these old boxes of junk IN THE GARAGE I JUST CLEANED. To add insult to injury she decided to block my work bench.
:mad:
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well we've pretty much been through it all huh? I'm just sitting here reading through ya'lls entries and nodding....yup, heard that.....yup....remember that one......but there are some good times though, you must admit. Hell I admit we had some and we're divorced :p HA-HA
They sure as hell didn't make up for all the crap she put me through, glad I get to be myself again.
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Guess I'm lucky with my girlfriend, she lives 130 miles away talks less than I do, owns her own house and earn more money than I do. She's also blonde. You can see why I'm marrying her.
I heard this one recently
Him: Your in a bad mood. What's wrong?
Her: Nothing!
Him: Is it something I said
Her: No!
Him: Is is something I didn't say?
Her: No!
Is is something I did?
No!
Something I didn't do?
No!
Is is something I said in casual reference to something I did when the thing I did shouldn't have been done or at least done differently with more concern for your feeling?
Her: Maybe!
Him: I knew it!
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cpx... whaa?? she lives 130 miles away and has her own house and you are going to ruin that?
lazs
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Originally posted by Gunslinger
does anyone have one of those wifes that CONSTANTLY like to rearrange the furnature?????
Mine is planning out our 6th living room floor plan.
She agreed to get me a wireless router so we can relocate my computer BUT
She never takes into account thos little unimportant things like:
POWER OUTLETS, PHONE LINES; WERE THE DIRECTV COMES IN
I don't know how much more of this I can take. She keeps moving the TV from one side of the room then back to the other. Each time I have to restring the cable for it.
TO TOP IT OFF we now have a 55 gallon fish tank and stand wich she wants to relocate.
My wife had been Beachin at me for weeks to clean up the garage so I finally got around to it.
What does she do???????
She cleans out the house and puts all these old boxes of junk IN THE GARAGE I JUST CLEANED. To add insult to injury she decided to block my work bench.
:mad:
lol...good luck with that. ;)
My wife drives me crazy with the clothes drawers. One day my shorts are in one, the next they are in another. She does it with the kid's clothes too.
Wouldn't be so bad, except she gets frustrated with me when I can't find what I am looking for. No amount of "well stop changing where you put stuff" helps.
But I am clearly better off than some.:D