Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Captain Virgil Hilts on October 25, 2004, 10:58:57 AM
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What is that, the United Kingdom's answer to the "Weekly World News"?
Screen burn
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Dumb show
Charlie Brooker
Saturday October 23, 2004
The Guardian
Heady times. The US election draws ever nearer, and while the rest of the world bangs its head against the floorboards screaming "Please God, not Bush!", the candidates clash head to head in a series of live televised debates. It's a bit like American Idol, but with terrifying global ramifications. You've got to laugh.
Or have you? Have you seen the debates? I urge you to do so. The exemplary BBC News website (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news) hosts unexpurgated streaming footage of all the recent debates, plus clips from previous encounters, through Reagan and Carter, all the way back to Nixon versus JFK.
Watching Bush v Kerry, two things immediately strike you. First, the opening explanation of the rules makes the whole thing feel like a Radio 4 parlour game. And second, George W Bush is... well, he's... Jesus, where do you start?
The internet's a-buzz with speculation that Bush has been wearing a wire, receiving help from some off-stage lackey. Screen grabs appearing to show a mysterious bulge in the centre of his back are being traded like Top Trumps. Prior to seeing the debate footage, I regarded this with healthy scepticism: the whole "wire" scandal was just wishful thinking on behalf of some amateur Michael Moores, I figured. And then I watched the footage.
Quite frankly, the man's either wired or mad. If it's the former, he should be flung out of office: tarred, feathered and kicked in the nuts. And if it's the latter, his behaviour goes beyond strange, and heads toward terrifying. He looks like he's listening to something we can't hear. He blinks, he mumbles, he lets a sentence trail off, starts a new one, then reverts back to whatever he was saying in the first place. Each time he recalls a statistic (either from memory or the voice in his head), he flashes us a dumb little smile, like a toddler proudly showing off its first bowel movement. Forgive me for employing the language of the playground, but the man's a tool.
So I sit there and I watch this and I start scratching my head, because I'm trying to work out why Bush is afforded any kind of credence or respect whatsoever in his native country. His performance is so transparently bizarre, so feeble and stumbling, it's a miracle he wasn't laughed off the stage. And then I start hunting around the internet, looking to see what the US media made of the whole "wire" debate. And they just let it die. They mentioned it in passing, called it a wacko conspiracy theory and moved on.
Yet whether it turns out to be true or not, right now it's certainly plausible - even if you discount the bulge photos and simply watch the president's ridiculous smirking face. Perhaps he isn't wired. Perhaps he's just gone gaga. If you don't ask the questions, you'll never know the truth.
The silence is all the more troubling since in the past the US news media has had no problem at all covering other wacko conspiracy theories, ones with far less evidence to support them. (For infuriating confirmation of this, watch the second part of the must-see documentary series The Power Of Nightmares (Wed, 9pm, BBC2) and witness the absurd hounding of Bill Clinton over the Whitewater and Vince Foster non-scandals.)
Throughout the debate, John Kerry, for his part, looks and sounds a bit like a haunted tree. But at least he's not a lying, s******ing, drink-driving, selfish, reckless, ignorant, dangerous, backward, drooling, twitching, blinking, mouse-faced little cheat. And besides, in a fight between a tree and a bush, I know who I'd favour.
On November 2, the entire civilised world will be praying, praying Bush loses. And Sod's law dictates he'll probably win, thereby disproving the existence of God once and for all. The world will endure four more years of idiocy, arrogance and unwarranted bloodshed, with no benevolent deity to watch over and save us. John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr - where are you now that we need you?
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Is that some sad crap or what?:rofl :rofl :rofl
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excellent article... put a smile on my face :D
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Originally posted by Captain Virgil Hilts
What is that, the United Kingdom's answer to the "Weekly World News"?
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Is that some sad crap or what?:rofl :rofl :rofl [/B]
Calling for the assasination of the POTUS.
Classy guy. I'd take what he says seriously.
:rolleyes:
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:rofl
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This wasn't printed in the Guardian, but in the "Guide" which is a supplement to the Saturday edition of that august publication. As you'd guess from its title, the Guide is an entertainment guide. The author of the piece under discussion is a well known (well in some circles) comedian and satirist.
He is taking the piss. If he posted that piece on the AH bbs you'd see it for the troll bait it undoubtedly is. This isn't the first USA-centric bbs I've seen it posted on. No doubt there will much righteous indignation here as elsewhere. :lol
For a bunch of guys who don't care about world opinion, you sure work hard at creating the opposite impression. :p
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Originally posted by Momus--
This wasn't printed in the Guardian, but in the "Guide" which is a supplement to the Saturday edition of that august publication. As you'd guess from its title, the Guide is an entertainment guide. The author of the piece under discussion is a well known (well in some circles) comedian and satirist.
He is taking the piss. If he posted that piece on the AH bbs you'd see it for the troll bait it undoubtedly is. This isn't the first USA-centric bbs I've seen it posted on. No doubt there will much righteous indignation here as elsewhere. :lol
For a bunch of guys who don't care about world opinion, you sure work hard at creating the opposite impression. :p
It's not that we don't care , it's just that we recognize it as completely irrelevant.
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And Martlet wins a cigar! *ding!*
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Originally posted by texace
And Martlet wins a cigar! *ding!*
Just don't tell him where it's been.
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Originally posted by Momus--
This wasn't printed in the Guardian, but in the "Guide" which is a supplement to the Saturday edition of that august publication. As you'd guess from its title, the Guide is an entertainment guide. The author of the piece under discussion is a well known (well in some circles) comedian and satirist.
He is taking the piss. If he posted that piece on the AH bbs you'd see it for the troll bait it undoubtedly is. This isn't the first USA-centric bbs I've seen it posted on. No doubt there will much righteous indignation here as elsewhere. :lol
For a bunch of guys who don't care about world opinion, you sure work hard at creating the opposite impression. :p
If that's what passes for comedy in Europe, I weep for you
guys.
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Originally posted by Rino
If that's what passes for comedy in Europe, I weep for you
guys.
Whereas the US produces works of comic genius such as.....
(http://vision.york.ac.uk/articles/133/features/images/screech.jpeg)
Saved by the Bell? :eek:
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Momus thank you so much to bring back Save by the bell on the table!
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Originally posted by Rino
If that's what passes for comedy in Europe, I weep for you
guys.
Doesn't seem much different from the kind of ranting people like Carling get upto on the other side of the pond (less profanity of course).
Whatever you believe about Bush you have to admit that he is a satirists dream come true. If he is the great man that many on the BBS seem to think then he should be able to take it all in his stride.
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Originally posted by Momus--
Whereas the US produces works of comic genius such as.....
(http://vision.york.ac.uk/articles/133/features/images/screech.jpeg)
Saved by the Bell? :eek:
Exactly how many heads of state has Screech advocated
assassinating?
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Originally posted by Rino
Exactly how many heads of state has Screech advocated
assassinating?
I thought we already established that it was a JOKE. If Charlie Brooker was really advocating the offing of GWB, no matter how attractive a proposition that might appear to many Brits, he would soon have his collar felt by the boys in blue.
However, on the subject of assassinating foreign leaders, you're on pretty shaky ground given the USA's past proclivity for such activities, so you might want to think that before you protest too much. ;)
Anyway, it just wouldn't be Screech's style. Slater maybe but never Screech.
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The final sentence of a column in The Guide on Saturday caused offence to some readers. The Guardian associates itself with the following statement from the writer.
"Charlie Brooker apologises for any offence caused by his comments relating to President Bush in his TV column, Screen Burn. The views expressed in this column are not those of the Guardian. Although flippant and tasteless, his closing comments were intended as an ironic joke, not as a call to action - an intention he believed regular readers of his humorous column would understand. He deplores violence of any kind."
source (http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/tvradio/story/0,,1335307,00.html)
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Each time he recalls a statistic (either from memory or the voice in his head), he flashes us a dumb little smile, like a toddler proudly showing off its first bowel movement.
Hehehe, that part was especially funny.:D
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Humour != Humor ... or whatever you call it ;)
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Charlie Brooker's job before he joined the Guardian (http://www.tvgohome.com/)
Warning: British humour*
*Not the Benny Hill kind.
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Originally posted by Captain Virgil Hilts
Is that some sad crap or what?:rofl :rofl :rofl
W's debating skills or the article?
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(http://www.houseoftam.com/asp/d56/images/35132.jpg)
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Oh dear (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1254550/posts?q=1&&page=1) 500 posts that make the O club look like afternoon tea with Granny. Frankly I'm disappointed in all of you.
So!
This is the pathetic, nasty, vicious, ugly English coward and skunk!
His pic is going of to the Secret Service right now, if they don't have it already.
Like I said before, any freeper that sees this terrorist even try to enter this country, should feel free to either call law enforcement or put this loser out of business.
"John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr - where are you now that we need you?"" That does it! Time to declare The Gurdian an outlaw, terrorist organization and send The Green Berets after them. First order of business will be to blow up their ugly offices in London, hopefully with the moronic English skunk who write this piece if garbage, Charlie Brooker still at his desk, so he can go join his nasty English ancestors in hell where he belongs
Said it here before, and I'll say it again, The British newspaper, The Guardian is easily the most evil newspaper on the planet.
And I am speaking as someone who read it for over 10 years when I lived in Britain. They don't come any more evil than these guys.
I think the last one is from Beetle.
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Udie, where are you when we need you?!!!
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Last one I promise, this one conjurs up great imagery ;)
My email to that socialist filth:
So, you want to see our President assassinated?
Listen up, you bloody limey Redcoat ba$tard. America is OUR COUNTRY. You LOST that war. I was at Yorktown, Virginia last month, and stood on the very spot where Lord Cornwallis surrendered his sword to George Washington. And I laughed while I raised my star-spangled middle finger high and pointed it at Jolly Olde England!
When I read drivel like yours, I almost regret that my countrymen did not leave yours to the tender mercies of the Nazis SS. But those were the days when Britain had Winston Churchill, and God Save the Queen meant something.