Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Habu on October 29, 2004, 01:52:04 PM
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When the US election is over and all these stupid Bush Kerry Bush Kerry Bush Kerry posts stop.
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when the election is over then we get to talk about the lawsuits and recounts. this year it will not be just florida.
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Or we could post funny jokes. Like this one.
A guy asks his friend Bubba, a ladies' man, how he satisfies women.
"I just slam my noodle on the dresser until it's numb, then I can go for hours," says Bubba.
That night the guy slams his unit on the dresser while his wife's in the bathroom.
She calls out, "Bubba, is that you?"
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Originally posted by Habu
Or we could post funny jokes. Like this one.
A guy asks his friend Bubba, a ladies' man, how he satisfies women.
"I just slam my noodle on the dresser until it's numb, then I can go for hours," says Bubba.
That night the guy slams his unit on the dresser while his wife's in the bathroom.
She calls out, "Bubba, is that you?"
someone been reading Maxim too much?
hehehe
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i liked this better:
An old-timer in Scotland sits down at the bar. The bartender notices the guy looks depressed and asks him why.
"See that fence over there? I built it myself," the old man says. "But do they call me McGregor the Fence Builder? No."
"And those trees," the old man continues. "I planted 'em myself. Still no one calls me McGregor the Tree Planter."
Then the man becomes silent and looks into his beer for a moment. Finally, he looks up at the bartender.
"But you hump one sheep..."
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:lol
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Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first turtle turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."
"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."
"I promise I won't," says the turtle. "Just hurry!"
Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second turtle. Exasperated and starving, the first turtle digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not f-cking going!"
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One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said. But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place - the grass is almost a foot high!"
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A kindergarden teacher asks her class "What vegetable makes eyes water?"
one boy raises his hand and says, "An eggplant".
"No" says the teacher. "An onion".
"An onion?" asks the boy "Ever been hit in the balls with an eggplant?"
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A Frenchman and an American were seated next to a Canadian on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "And this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the American responded, "And this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."
When the Canadian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the American arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop." :aok
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Old man in an old folks home comes into the Courtyard buck nekkid. All the ladies begin laffing at him. Nurse comes up to him and tells him....
You do realise you are nekkid don't you?
he says...Yes...Im having a wake.
She says a Wake? For What?
He said his peepee...
She says it looks dead if you must know.
He says I know that you dummy...Today is the viewing
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Originally posted by Habu
When the US election is over and all these stupid Bush Kerry Bush Kerry Bush Kerry posts stop.
LOL you really think they are gonna stop with the election?
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What's the difference between a Scotsman and a canoe...
A canoe tips...
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A man is out driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, the cops pull him over. The policeman walks up to the man and asks, “Have you been drinking, sir?”
“Why? Was I weaving all over the road?” the man answered.
“No,” replied the policeman, “you were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away.”
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whats white and goes up?
a retarded snowflake
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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas.
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee."
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Slow will I!!
sorry I could't resist:D
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If you choke a smurf..
what color does it turn?
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Originally posted by DREDIOCK
If you choke a smurf..
what color does it turn?
something that small? i dunno.. what happens when you "choke it"?
oh yeah, add one of those thumbs up but smilies, or that rolley one, dunno which is appropriate
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Originally posted by Scootter
Slow will I!!
sorry I could't resist:D
It was a slow day at work when I typed that...........
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Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation
took place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every
room in the house next weekend.
Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not
said a word. So they asked him."You haven't said anything about what
you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the
deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut
off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex"
............and she said, " Wear sun-block"