Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Silat on November 11, 2004, 02:12:18 AM
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You might be a conservative if:
* You watch the Rush Limbaugh show the same way your kid watches "Barney and Friends"
* You believe an adulterer who served his wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital and later had to be taken to court for lack of child support payments named Newt when he talks about how he's for "Family Values"
* You complain about the "liberal media" on any of the numerous
conservative political TV/radio talk shows.
* You have a bumper sticker that says "Insured by Smith and Wessen"
* You believe the hole in the ozone layer to be a myth created by crazy liberals.
* You believe the Holocaust to be a myth created by crazy liberals.
* You fervently speak about the evils of marijuana at social gatherings with a vodka straight in hand.
* You believe the Constitution states the Christianity is our official
religion.
* You molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television...oops, my mistake... that's "You might be Newt Gingrinch if.."
* You think the words feminist and lesbian are synonyms.
* If you fit any of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..."
* You believe every man, woman, child and fetus should be armed to the teeth with AK-47's, hand grenades, handguns, and any other weapon imaginable.
* You actually believe that people actually own AK-47's for "hunting purposes"
* You have faith in idiotic economic policies such as "trickle down
economics"
* You don't see why everyone's so down on Mark Fuhrman.
* You think that Michaelangelo's David should be wearing boxers at the least.
* The hostess at the Sizzler knows you by name.
* You have a button that says "I'm not prejudice, I hate everyone"
* You can ask your daddy to bail you out when you lose hundreds of thousands of dollars from embezzling S&L's
* Your main source for news is an egocentric man named Rush who distorts facts consistantly to fit his views and opinions.
* You want to find another out-of-work actor to play the figurehead for the Republican party (perhaps Bonzo's free)
* Your response to anything Bill Clinton says includes a reference to Arkansas hillbillies.
* You still attempt to defend Dan Quayle's intelligence.
* You get offended if someone is unusually quiet on the way to a funeral...oops, sorry, my fault again... thats another "You might be Newt Gingrinch..."
* You refuse to talk to your sister because she's a lesbian... dangit, sorry...once again, another "You might be Newt..."
* You obsessively impose your own morality upon others.
* You wish to ammend the Constitution to make desecration of the flag illegal.
* You wish to rewrite the first ammendment to make desecration of the flag illegal.
* You wish to rewrite the first commandment to make desecration of the flag illegal (and here, you thought you were such a good Christian...)
* You believe that if parents and teachers don't mention sex to a child until s/he is 25, then s/he won't even know it exists until then.
* You think Clarence Thomas is a good spokesman for the black community.
* You must first don rubber gloves before shaking hands with a homosexual.
* You attribute the lack of close families to Murphy Brown.
* You helped to ban Beavis from saying "fire", yet keep a loaded handgun in the house (doesn't matter if it's hidden.. your kid knows where it is, trust me.)
* You have a sticker saying "Guns don't kill people, people do" (and I suppose those little bullet things are harmless too)
* You believe that everyone else should hold the same moralistic and political views as you, and by God, you're going to see to it that they do!
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Left field is --->>> that way. You missed it by....
............that much.
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Silat! Great read! :lol Cheered me up, thinking of all the bananas on this board and reading this at the same time! :rofl
Silat, I toast you with a glass of 1947 Chateau Petrus! :aok
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Silat you crazy Luke Skywalker sound alike, you spelled 'Wesson' wrong.
This will not help your cause.
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Did you write that one yourself silat? You mispelled "Smith and Wesson". Typical liberal.
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You forgot one:
*You think "Saving Private Ryan" is offensive to broadcast on Veterans Day.
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You actually have enough time to come up with a list that consists of repeating the same three thoughts 45 times. :aok
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Silat,
As a moderate independant I do enjoy seeing two groups of clowns beating up on each other with inflated rubber hammers and I was really hoping to see a decent counter to the "You might be a liberal if"
You didnt start off half bad with
"
"* You watch the Rush Limbaugh show the same way your kid watches "Barney and Friends"
* You believe an adulterer who served his wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital and later had to be taken to court for lack of child support payments named Newt when he talks about how he's for "Family Values"
* You complain about the "liberal media" on any of the numerous
conservative political TV/radio talk shows."
But after that if just became more and more lame with each line.
Considering the wealth of legitimate material out there This has to be one of the worst counters I have seen on these boards in recent memory.
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You might be a liberal if...
If you are upset with a teacher in New Jersey for displaying a picture of the president on her wall, but have no problem with the teacher who forced a class to watch Fahrenheit 9/11, you might be a liberal.
You're so liberal if you are selling t-shirts on Ebay that read, "I supported Saddam Hussein against America, and all I got was an oil voucher and this lousy t-shirt".
If expressing your political ideals involves gunshots, urination, or intimidation, you might be a liberal.
You are a liberal if you equate terrorism with hos and bookies.
If you still think John Edwards "held his own" during the VP debates, you are a liberal in utter denial.
If you tried to buy wood from George W. Bush, you might be a liberal.
If your candidate is still pandering to secure the black vote, with only a couple of weeks before the election, you might be in trouble.
You might be a liberal if you insist on passing the Galactic Test before committing any unilateral action, including eating crackers in bed, singing in the shower or taking a wiz.
(Hat Tip - Scarey Kerry)
If you have to send your running mate to a New Jersey (which Gore won by 16 points), twice in two weeks, you might be a liberal.
You're so liberal if you feel bad for Kerry and his "war wounds". Just because you realize how much those shrapnel wounds to the buttocks will hurt after the election results come in.
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Originally posted by DREDIOCK
Silat,
As a moderate independant I do enjoy seeing two groups of clowns beating up on each other with inflated rubber hammers and I was really hoping to see a decent counter to the "You might be a liberal if"
You didnt start off half bad with
"
"* You watch the Rush Limbaugh show the same way your kid watches "Barney and Friends"
* You believe an adulterer who served his wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital and later had to be taken to court for lack of child support payments named Newt when he talks about how he's for "Family Values"
* You complain about the "liberal media" on any of the numerous
conservative political TV/radio talk shows."
But after that if just became more and more lame with each line.
Considering the wealth of legitimate material out there This has to be one of the worst counters I have seen on these boards in recent memory.
Thats what im saying, you could have come up with alot more stuff that wasnt repetitive. I do think you did a great job but it just got old real quick.
P.S. I saw a bumber sticker the other day that said 'Who would jesus kill" is this a liberal or a conservative bumber sticker.
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Originally posted by Silat
* You have a sticker saying "Guns don't kill people, people do" (and I suppose those little bullet things are harmless too)
Paper, substrate of holy constructs that are Mother Gaia's pretty trees could surely not harm Her sons, yet if I print out this tantra of yours fifty times and stuff it all dry down your oesophagus, you think paper's innocence or guilt has anything to do with it?
In kindergarten, spelling mistakes aren't the kids but the pencils' fault.
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Now we need to remove our current goverment next autumn... there are some people there that fits the same list as yours Silat if you change some of the names with their norwegian counterparts.
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* You believe the Holocaust to be a myth created by crazy liberals.
I would think that most conservatives (if not all) would find this remark rather offensive...
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Watch out, the spelling nazis are the first wave of a Repunlican assault. They fling vowels and drop esses.
You know you're a neocon when you believe "traditional values" means no blacks and lots of porn :D
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Originally posted by TweetyBird
Watch out, the spelling nazis are the first wave of a Repunlican assault. They fling vowels and drop esses.
You know you're a neocon when you believe "traditional values" means no blacks and lots of porn :D
Are you black, Tweety?
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Do I look black? :D
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Not bad silat, I liked mine better (made more sense) but good attempt overall. I give ya 7.6 out of 10 stars. ;)
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I figured silat would explode pretty soon. Well... maybe if you keep telling us how dumb and evil we are then next time when you run a candidate that thinks we are dumb and evil.. we will vote for him.
or maybe... we will still be too dumb and evil to know what is good for us. It's all so confusing but....If I were smarter I guess I would be choosing the democrat candidates ..
lazs
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you are a liberal if you talk about "AK47's" all day but you try to put the magazine in backwards.
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john... you are either a woman or a liberal if you have no desire to shoot an ak47 or use a skillsaw.
You may be a liberal if you think hybrid cars are "peppy".
lazs
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Originally posted by john9001
you are a liberal if you talk about "AK47's" all day but you try to put the magazine in backwards.
:rofl
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You know you're a neocon when you complain the goverment doesn't subsidize your shotgun shells for you ak47 or your gun wax...
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You might be a liberal if you post your stupid mug for the world to see while apologizing for our democratic process.
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tweety... what did I tell you? DO NOT make gun references till you check with me first so that I can correct your post...
"You know you're a neocon when you complain the goverment doesn't subsidize your shotgun shells for you ak47 or your gun wax..."
Now see... you went and made a fool of yourself in front of all us rednecks again.... First...
we don't want the government to subsidize anything to do with firearms except possibly the CMP and the oppossite is true... our buying ammo of any kind subsidizes the government.
second... Ak47's don't use shotgun shells... shotguns do tho..
and thirdly... I don't think any of us own any "gun wax"
lazs
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6 minutes - hmm- you slow today laz....
Yea its a keeper...
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oh... I get it... tweetie really does know a lot about fireams and ammo but he is pretending to be ignorant so that we will think he is... ignorant.. worked on me. works every time you make a gun post actually. plus... I think you beat my time.
lazs
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Sorry, was flipping through some old "Soldier of Fortune" centerfolds...
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never had much interest in that magazine myself. They have centerfolds?
lazs
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Originally posted by beet1e
Cheered me up, thinking of all the bananas
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Originally posted by Silat
You might be a conservative if:
* You have a bumper sticker that says "Insured by Smith and Wessen"
* You believe that everyone else should hold the same moralistic and political views as you, and by God, you're going to see to it that they do!
The bumper sticker is a liberal sticker, conservatives were home schooled and know it is spelled Wesson http://www.smith-wesson.com
You know you're a party line liberal when you believe that anyone who is not tolerant of opposing views is stupid and insensitive and you don't see irony in your own belief.
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GINGRICH IS HIMMLER!!!!!!!!OH JEEBUS!!!!OH JEEBUS!!!!!
oregonians and canadians....whats the difference again?
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Originally posted by Yeager
oregonians and canadians....whats the difference again?
Possibly the State of Washington.
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If I was a cop and I wanted to inquire about someone's familiarity with a certain area, I wouldn't ask them. I'd be their friend and become a person in distress. "Man, I've got to get here in 15 minutes, I don't know how I can possibly make it.."
Or I might be 4 people asking 4 questions - sort of like gps.
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Originally posted by beet1e
Silat, I toast you with a glass of 1947 Chateau Petrus! :aok
Excellent choice.
Just don't forget to spit it back into the communal bucket once you're done swishing it around.
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quote:
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* You believe the Holocaust to be a myth created by crazy liberals.
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Originally posted by soda72
I would think that most conservatives (if not all) would find this remark rather offensive...
Not to mention rediculous
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Originally posted by DREDIOCK
Silat,
I do enjoy seeing two groups of clowns beating up on each other with inflated rubber hammers
Hehe COOL!
a CLOWN FIGHT!!
(http://home.swipnet.se/~w-28870/mainkill.jpg)