Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: JB88 on March 31, 2005, 02:51:43 PM
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something not working, making you crazy? need an outside opinion?
ask 88!
now accepting submissions.
:cool:
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Never play leap-frog with a Unicorn
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should i play it cool, or let a girl know that i like her?
oh wait, you dont have much experience with women?
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It hurts when I pee. Should I call a doctor?
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Stop peeing. Save the money you would pay the doctor to have some fun.
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lmao
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furball asks...
should i play it cool, or let a girl know that i like her?
furball,
it really depends on the age of consent in your country. you might check your local law books or ask your neighborhood watch officer.
cool is always the best way to go.
but how do you do that you ask?
lots and lots of hair gel formed into a swank ducktail style...old spice applied liberally with a saturated washcloth for ambience...bow tie and suspenders are a must. brown shoes, black belt.
opening line you ask?
"hey baby...nice six."
but what about dinner?
man, there is nothing that a modern woman likes more than to take you out to an expensive restaurant...order the surf and turf and make sure you grow a healthy bar tab...your gonna wanna be drunk for the next episode.
best of luck.
88
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HERR JB88, WARUM SIE SIND HOMOSEXUELL ?
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Originally posted by Skuzzy
Stop peeing. Save the money you would pay the doctor to have some fun.
Trust me when I say, " that only works for a short ammount of time". (http://www.websmileys.com/sm/sad/106.gif)
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who bluej?
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Herr JB88, WARUM SIND SIE SO HOMOSEXUELL ?
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Heck I thought this was the JB's BBS. Seems they are on a course to outpost Drippy!
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why are they so gey who bluej?
your boyfriends?
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Vergessen Sie es.
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nein. dieses bemüht Sie offensichtlich.
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Is it wrong to put on blackface and try to get into Harvard with a scholarship even though I stink at basketball?
Oh I also want James Earl Jones as a teacher.
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Dear 88,
I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City.
I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel.
Her time there is limited as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would get them off the street and, hopefully, the heroin habits.
All things considered, my main problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my distant cousin who is French?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
(I know it's Olden, but this thread cried out for a classic)
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RTSTIGMA ASKS:
Is it wrong to put on blackface and try to get into Harvard with a scholarship even though I stink at basketball?
Oh I also want James Earl Jones as a teacher.
(http://80s.fast-rewind.com/soulman1.jpg)
i dont see any problem with advancing yourself by pretending to be a minority to gain scholarly advantage, but you may have to follow a few steps first.
1. you have to become an easilly forgivable teen idol at the height of your very short career.
2. you have to find a girl to serve as your secondary plotline.
3. she will have to discover your secret which will cause you great pain and agony.
4. you will have to be forced to go back to your normal whitebread life and wait for step 5.
5. you will have to look surprized when james earl jones shows up to tell you that the university has reconsidered and they want you back just like you are...just like they do in real life all of the time.
6. you wll have to look surprized when the girl shows back up...having forgiven you for your foibles...as happens all of the time in real life...AND you will have to live with that girl for the rest of your life even though she will develope a drinking problem a club foot a third eye and saggy boobs...
she wont be able to cook her way out of a paper bag.
but for a few brief years she will be the shining pinnacle of your manhood.
oh...and you are going to have to fake an injury somewhere in there to avoid having to play basketball.
oh, wait. i dont think that you have to be all that good to play harvard basketball.
88
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Speaking of Basketball who should I bet on this weekend in the final four. Leaning toward the Tar Heels but lose when I bet from the heart.
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Can i get aids from my hand? Should I use protection?:confused:
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Where's Ripsnort?
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drifter asked.
Speaking of Basketball who should I bet on this weekend in the final four. Leaning toward the Tar Heels but lose when I bet from the heart.
i tend to bet on the team with the hottest cheerleaders.
but go with your gut anyway, if you lose the bet you can write and ask for advice on how to manage your gambling addiction.
;)
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slurpee asked,
Can i get aids from my hand? Should I use protection?:confused:
slurpee,
it depends on what else you are using that hand to play with.
always better safe than sorry.
:aok
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Panzzer asked
Where's Ripsnort?
you want 88's psychic chat...down the hall, to the left and up the stairs...1st door on the right.
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hmmm, this brings the question. If i "do it" in a dream, but have not "done it" in real life. Am i a virgin?:(
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JB888,
How do I tell all of these JBNumberGuys apart? Are they really all the same, or are there subtle differences between them?
eskimo
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JB88, SIE is the polite form of You, as well as they.
So basically he was saying, "Kind sir, you are a handsomehunk." But much more offensive like.
And is BlueJ taking german or something?
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We used to make fun of eachother on country channel in german back in the day. Unless Im confusing him with someone else.
First question asked why you are so ghey ? :)
JB88- Warum so unheimlichen Lasersailor-Geruch tut?
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Dear JB88,
it's almost 4:30 am here in Finland now... I don't have anything important to do tomorrow, so should I get one more drink now or should I go get some sleep at this time?
Thank you...
edit: I actually went and got some sleep, which was good, because today has been sunny and warm (+10 degrees C), a nice day to be out...
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Slurpee asks
hmmm, this brings the question. If i "do it" in a dream, but have not "done it" in real life. Am i a virgin?:(
yes. sorry.
but really this is an advice column, so i will naturally extend this question to "how do i go about transiting the line from nocturnal emission to money shot."
dear slurpee.
in order to make the transition from nightime valentino to real life pron king i usually recommend a few important but easy to accomplish tasks guaranteed to set your love life on fire.
a. move out of your parents house.
b. get rid any and all pocket protectors and replace them with a nifty little electronic PDA with lots of blinking lights...women like sparkly things.
c. buy the entire collection of tom waits cd's and practice singing them in the mirror...
d. quit looking at pron. it kills the desire for real game.
e. never wear black socks with shorts, instead, find a nice pair of comfortable sandals...trim your toenails, repeat from time to time.
f. and this is the hardest but the one most likely to get you to hallowed ground...ask her to a movie...suggest a chick flick. works every time.
oh. and never underestimate the mystical powers of alchohol. fruity drinks for the lady work best.
(if they are of age of course)
88
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eskimo2 asked...
JB888,
How do I tell all of these JBNumberGuys apart? Are they really all the same, or are there subtle differences between them?
eskimo
resistance is futile JB02.
88
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Originally posted by Panzzer
Dear JB88,
it's almost 4:30 am here in Finland now... I don't have anything important to do tomorrow, so should I get one more drink now or should I go get some sleep at this time?
Thank you,
honestly sincere Panzzer...
:D
its still cold as hell there.
drink damn you!
drink to the warmer clime!
drink to the snowbunnies where ere they be!
drink to the yeti!
drink to the mighty finnish army and its victories!
drink damn you. drink like the wind!!!
and then stop.
and pee.
and then sleep.
and then wake up and see her there and seek help...
and pray its not to late...
the yeti loves you.
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Originally posted by JB88
furball asks...
should i play it cool, or let a girl know that i like her?
furball,
it really depends on the age of consent in your country. you might check your local law books or ask your neighborhood watch officer.
cool is always the best way to go.
but how do you do that you ask?
lots and lots of hair gel formed into a swank ducktail style...old spice applied liberally with a saturated washcloth for ambience...bow tie and suspenders are a must. brown shoes, black belt.
opening line you ask?
"hey baby...nice six."
but what about dinner?
man, there is nothing that a modern woman likes more than to take you out to an expensive restaurant...order the surf and turf and make sure you grow a healthy bar tab...your gonna wanna be drunk for the next episode.
best of luck.
88
so the opening line of:-
"i r teh l33t intardnet piolet and i like nookie nook"
is not the way to go?
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Heh. Art not workin out for you JB?:p
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Originally posted by Furball
so the opening line of:-
"i r teh l33t intardnet piolet and i like nookie nook"
is not the way to go?
no no...by all means...thats a keeper.
along with "i like cheese" one of my other more successful pickup lines.
:aok
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Originally posted by slimm50
Heh. Art not workin out for you JB?:p
lol
i always have time to help out my fellow man slimm.
;)
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"Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?"..
Isn't that a Frank Zappa tune?:cool:
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Hi 88,
I have a problem. My cat like to sleep on my wife's face at night. It is cute, but in the morning my cat' prettythang stinks like morning breath...what can I do?
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This is the funniest thread.
:lol :lol :lol
WTG
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FiLtH asks...
Hi 88,
I have a problem. My cat like to sleep on my wife's face at night. It is cute, but in the morning my cat' prettythang stinks like morning breath...what can I do?
dear filth,
what to do when the grapefruit is nuzzling your muff?
cats are notoriously clean and lick themselves often so one would think that a quick cleaning of your cats butt would cure the problem...but halitosis is no mean feat to get rid of, even with the saliva and sandpaper tounge of a well groomed kitty cat.
i think that youve reached a point where you have to decide whether or not you can live with this problem or whether its time to purchase a nighttime mint muzzle for the mrs.
:)
88
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ROTFLMAO! When this thread has run its course, if it ever does, it'll be one for the archives, to be revisited in the years to come.
Like Scavenger's posts.
"I go diving down..."
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dear 88..
I sometimes think that people aren't listening to me... it is allmost like they are deliberately ingnoring me...
not all people.. just a few really wussie girly men but still... Is it my "lack of sensitivity" as they have said?
lazs
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Dear JB88,
Whenever I fly my El-Gay-Seven, all of the Barbie-fires out turn me, and whenever I fly my Barbie-fire, all of the El-Gay-Sevens run and climb away. What to do?
Sincerely,
Clueless in the MA.
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lazs asks..."this person is on your ignore list"
dear lasz,
i can only begin to speculate what you have asked but based upon our previous exchanges i am willing to hazzard a few guesses.
so here goes.
1. no, some lives arent worth saving...sometimes its best to do the world a favor and take one for the team.
2. the blue dress DOES make your butt look big, but the red dress has vertical stripes which help minimize your frumpy dwarflike figure.
3. don't worry, mullets will be back in fashion before you know it...
4. it really doesnt cost that much to get your GED...and its worth the effort.
5. use a phonebook and you should be abe to see right over that steering wheel.
6. perhaps an afghani mail order bride would do.
7. chronic masterbation is a curable addiction...but being an azzhat is harder to overcome. i'd start with the former and work your way to the later...though i havent seen the cure for your kind yet, you may surprize someone yet.
8. creams and pumps my friend, creams and pumps.
hope it helps.
:)
88
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eskimo2 asks
Dear JB88,
Whenever I fly my El-Gay-Seven, all of the Barbie-fires out turn me, and whenever I fly my Barbie-fire, all of the El-Gay-Sevens run and climb away. What to do?
Sincerely,
Clueless in the MA.
dear clueless in the MA.
i treated shane for this once and i am glad to say that in nine out of ten cases, it wasnt the plane that was causing the problem, it was the weight displacement caused by the heavy purse and makeup case that come standard in the models.
to fix this use the dot command ".dweebqueenoff"
this will jetison these bulky items and bring them back to normal flight characteristics.
:)
88
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Dear JB88,
Ever since Ripsnort died I haven’t been able to follow trivial world events. I keep looking for his threads on the AH BB, but they are just not there anymore. How can I find out what is going on?
Sincerely,
Clueless on the BB
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Originally posted by clueless on the bb
Dear JB88,
Ever since Ripsnort died I haven’t been able to follow trivial world events. I keep looking for his threads on the AH BB, but they are just not there anymore. How can I find out what is going on?
Sincerely,
Clueless on the BB
dear clueless,
appearantly you haven't read any of nuke's posts regarding the exciting world of faux-turf/and faux-turf accessories. i highly recommend those.
you get the whole seat...but you'll only need the edge.
;)
88
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Originally posted by JB88
dear clueless,
appearantly you haven't read any of nuke's posts regarding the exciting world of faux-turf/and faux-turf accessories. i highly recommend those.
you get the whole seat...but you'll only need the edge.
;)
88
So, is Nuke the new Ripsnort?
Clueless on the BB
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not even close.
:cool: