Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: JB88 on April 12, 2005, 10:49:24 AM
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sure you have all seen this, but mine sent it to me and i thought i would share.
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the
guys' side of the story.
We always hear "the rules" from the female
side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're
a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be
&n! bsp; clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do
not
work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other o! ne.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do
it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is
fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's
like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger
laugh.
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and you wonder why you are single.... :rofl
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au contrair...mine sent it to me...there is hope for our species yet.
:D
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And every word is true.
the only thing is I with the toilet seat arguement I always add
"You should be happy I lift it up in the first place. My aim isnt always that good"
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That list looks quite reasonable and generally accurate.
J_A_B
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Originally posted by Bodhi
and you wonder why you are single.... :rofl
Maybe he got married before all this feminization gunk took place.
this is my wife
(http://ww.northoltwing.com/~mietla/wife.jpg)
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seen the list before... pretty good.
On the toilet seat thing... it's just laziness on their part. One girlfriend who insisted that I needed to put it down for safety reasons I had to tell that.... there was no way with her butt she was gonna fall in or anything...then I comp...com... comprimised..
I told her fine... we would both put the seat down every time... both of em, including the lid... everytime I went by and seen the lid still up I would call her attention to it. she finaly just said to forget the whole thing.... we split up not long after that... don't think that had anything to with it tho do you? Oh well... no matter.
lazs
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Originally posted by mietla
Maybe he got married before all this feminization gunk took place.
this is my wife
(http://ww.northoltwing.com/~mietla/wife.jpg)
And thats absolutely the way it should be.
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Laz,
When I was younger I had girlfreinds wander in there in the dark, not turn the light on, pull their drawers down, forget to check and shreik like they just saw a tarantual walk over their foot. Then come back into the bedroom, turn the lights on and try to explain to my why everything wrong in the world at that moment was my fault.... :)
As I got older I started closing the lid because it looked cleaner, smelled better and if you drop something that bounces it can get a toidy water babtism. In the last 8 years my current girlfreind has left the seat up about 12 times. Every time I just told her to take a shower and clean your whatsits. Once in that time I called the local Hilton and made her a room reservation at 3:00 am for calling me a liar....................
The answer most men seem to have a problem with to the issues of this list is how to say "no" and not get scared that she will leave for good.
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Originally posted by Bodhi
and you wonder why you are single.... :rofl
you are thinking of the wrong JB
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You know, if you're going to blatantly rip something out of an email that has been posted on these exact forums no less then 4 times directly out of my memory you need to format the text.
Every suggestion having a "1.)" infront of it doesn't help.
The random characters in the middle of the text doesn't help either.
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how was i to know that youd already done it four times laser?
:D
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Originally posted by mietla
Maybe he got married before all this feminization gunk took place.
this is my wife
(http://ww.northoltwing.com/~mietla/wife.jpg)
this is so obviously photoshop
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Originally posted by Nath_____
this is so obviously photoshop
sure, what's your point?
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I always thought this forum was pointless. Has something changed?
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mietla. If that is your wife is that avatar you?:lol
If you want a doormat go buy one. If you want an interesting companion through life who can look after herself without you, well your F***ed looking like that mate!:lol :lol :lol
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yep bustr... if they are gonna leave you because you won't accept being called a liar then... good riddance. If they threaten to leave show em the door and help em load up their car.
I am pretty weak tho.... I tend to take em back too easy.
skyprancer.... agreeing to every femminist, socialist idea they have and then repeating it here on the BB under a myriad of handles is not having "an interesting companion".
lazs
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Lazs! Oh boy you got the needle bad haven't you.
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my wife-ack insists on putting one of those toilet lid covers that negates any chance of the seat actually staying up on it's own. I really pisses me off when I'm drunk and have to pea and have to stand up strait without the "hand on the wall support"
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That list is funny as heck. My ex sent it to me cause I had said most of those things to her at least once during our 12 year marriage and she thought it was hilarious.
Funny thing about the toilet seat is, I almost got written up at work a few years back over not putting the seat back down after I finished.
It was at a hospital, and all they have are the seats, up or down, no lids.
One of the nurses I worked with apparently fell into the water several times, and didn't like my reply of "look before you sit, or wake up before you get to work" and took it to my boss.
I laughed when I was told I was getting a written reprimand, til I saw they were serious.
I asked them just exactly how much more effort it required for a woman to reach over and lower the seat, as opposed to me lifting it and then lowering it when I was done. Also added that by their rules, they might wanna consider raising the seat as a courtesy gesture to me; anything less could be sexual discrimination in the work place.
They didn't like it, especially when I tore up the reprimand form and threw it in the trash, but I won that little skirmish.
The rest of the list is pretty accurate, most men I know will own up to dealing with most of the issues on there.
My second favorite is the speak what is on your mind, don't drop hints one.
I used to tell my ex "I can't look at your a** and read your mind, so just tell what you wanna say".
Any of you guys ever try using "their" tactics against 'em? If you haven't, it gets ugly, really, really fast.
HHHHhhhhhhmmmmm.......come to think of it, once I decided I was tired of two sets of rules (one for me and one for her) and told her we were gonna each play by the same set of rules, things really went downhill from there.
Before any of you chime in and comment about me being single cause of my attitude, know this: I look at my divorce as kinda like early parole from prison. I was miserable, now I have a blast living life. And I get to weed out the whiners really fast, cause I am up front about how I look at life.
Most of em, believe it or not, run like heck when they hear "Treat me like you want to be treated, cause that's exactly how I am. Treat me good, and you will be treated like a queen. Treat me like sh*t, and you'll get the same in return."
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Originally posted by Skydancer
mietla. If that is your wife is that avatar you?:lol
If you want a doormat go buy one. If you want an interesting companion through life who can look after herself without you, well your F***ed looking like that mate!:lol :lol :lol
you are just envious, admit it. You discuss Heisenberg's principle while easting microwaved Sara Lee's thing, while I'm enjoing a pipe, and a glass of brandy after a four course meal.
BTW, women just love big belly (and other big things), you just have to "present" it properly.
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Laz,
A funny thing about women. They really want to know a strong man in the sense of "what I say is who I am, and what I do is what I say". Ive found the quickest way to find out who a woman "is", is to say "NO" and not negotiate or make any concessions. The ones who cannot comprehend "NO" will spend the whole relationship treating you like the back end of a mule. I find this the same with many "progressives" I meet...:)
By the way our resident progessives probably call anyone who lives this way---->"what I say is who I am, and what I do is what I say". A knuckle dragging moron or some species there of. But hey, I always found exotic dancers and prono actresses liked knuckle draggers for some strange reason............ :D
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Thats great if you want a dipsh*t pole dancer or a woman who's been dipped into more times than a dunkin donuts cup of coffee!
Go home
(http://www.biblebelievers.org/image/pa155cav.jpg)
:rofl :rofl :rofl
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Skydancer,
I dunno, one of those exotic dancers I dated for a while was a Editor for the Washington D.C. National Geographic Office. She had a P.H.D. in Behavioral Science but had a thing for Lap Dancing and Belly Dancing on weekends for a room full of knuckle draggers. Thats how I met her................the Kinkyest women I've ever met in my life were well educated Progressives...... :) The 70's and 80's were alot of fun...............:D
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I'd say she was the exeption rather than the rule!
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yep... most of the "progressive women" cheat on their wimpy boyfriends with us knuckle draggers.
I start out every relationship with by being honest. You "progressives" seem to think that you can pretend to be what they want and that is somehow "enmlightened" or "comprimise" you only lose in the end with that attitude... every dishonest day get's a little worse... life is too short.
If they don't like you for who you are then what makes you think you will have a good honest relationship by pretending?
Addmitedly... I am not the expert on relationships. I thinl all wo9men go in with the goal of being able to "change" thier men. When they don't get any progress in that deartment after trying all their best shots at it... the leave... by then it is fine with both of us.
Bikers used to control the massage parlors and strip joints (topless bars in those days) I collected funds from them. I know a little about those women and they were simple hookers.... some with good stories tho. They were not looking for a realtionship.
lazs
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Originally posted by bustr
Skydancer,
I dunno, one of those exotic dancers I dated for a while was a Editor for the Washington D.C. National Geographic Office. She had a P.H.D. in Behavioral Science but had a thing for Lap Dancing and Belly Dancing on weekends for a room full of knuckle draggers. Thats how I met her................the Kinkyest women I've ever met in my life were well educated Progressives...... :) The 70's and 80's were alot of fun...............:D
i dont know about the seventies (well ok star wars was fun) but the 80's were definately a target rich environment.
:aok
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Lazs you are a label lover aren't you? Liberals, progressives, blah blah blaH blah blah.
;)
My gal can actualy help me in the garage, strip down a bike,ride the thing bloody well, look after herself, fix up the house hold a decent conversation and perform the other essential functions and looks damn fine doing it all. Shame you find these kind of gals so threatening you're missing out mate! not the least on a spare pair of hands for the important jobs.
Still the caveman's loss is my gain :D :D :D
I made a few mistakes and got rid of those that couldn't get past the clothes shop or who tried the I'll change him tactic. yes you are right honesty is best and with luck you might find the one in a million who thinks who you are is fine and just gets on with enjoying the same stuff without all the other poop. They are a rare find though I'll concede that.
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correct me if i am wrong, but in my experience it was always the catholic school girls and the cute fuzzy bunnies that really liked to get the freak on.
:aok
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Yep true I married a cotholic girl. The freak was fine but the rest deteriorated until it became no longer tenable.
So it was time to try a new model and the new one seems to be performing fine has great handling charachteristics and is way more versatile!
;)
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Originally posted by Skydancer
So it was time to try a new model and the new one seems to be performing fine has great handling charachteristics and is way more versatile!
;)
just make shure you tune it up once in a while...........
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skyprancer.... I have no problem whatsoever with capable women. I don't really need their help in the garage tho. I just assumed that you were parroting all her ideas since all your views seem to come from a woman.
lazs
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Don't need help either, but a second pair of mitts is usefull now and again and it helps if those mitts know what they are doing! Besides it means I don't have to fix her bike as well as my own:D
point taken though Lazs scrub the caveman remark.