Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ripsnort on May 09, 2000, 07:22:00 AM
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>Advice for Newcomers to Texas
>
>1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use
>it.
>
>2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay
>home the two days of the year it snows.
>
>3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
>four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along
>shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what
>they live for.
>
>4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.
>
>5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is
>plural possessive.
>
>6. Get used to hearing, "Yew ain't from around here, are yew?"
>
>7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone,
>directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive
>on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and
>lane position for that vehicle.
>
>8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his
>way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
>
>9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the
>collateral phrases "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
>
>10. There are no delis. Don't ask.
>
>11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a
>point, especially in a bar.
>
>12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.
>
>13. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven.
>
>14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
>
>15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down in December.
>
>16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!
>
>17. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Chevy 3500 pick- up is.
>
>18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can
>be certain they are.
>
>19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl
>of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.
>
>20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.
>
>21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean
>anything's broken.
>
>22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really
>mean to say is 'margarita.'
>
>23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school
>football and Nascar Racing just keep your mouth shut.
>
>24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the
>door, but the availability of shade.
>
>25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two-lane road pull on to the
>shoulder that is called "courtesy".
>
>26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hotdogs
>outdoors.
>
>27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular
weekend
>pastime.
>
>28. "Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
>
>29. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.
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Ripsnort(-rip1-)
I./JG2~Richthofen~
=CO=Panzer Group Afrika-15th Panzer division
JG2 Communications Officer
Aces High Training Corps
CLICK>> JG2 "Richthofen" (http://www.busprod.com/weazel2/)
CLICK>> 15th Panzer Division (http://members.tripod.com/deutcheafrikakorps/index.htm)
(http://saintaw.tripod.com/ripsnort.jpg)
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when
someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it
only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm, grasp the joystick button,
and shoot the sucker down!
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Nahhh Rip.
You got that titled wrong.
It should be:
Yankee's guide to the South (Vol 123 of the Idiot's Guide Series) [literally in this case (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif) ]
Oh and you forgot the lines about gun racks and deer hunting (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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Vermillion
**MOL**, Men of Leisure
Carpe Jugulum
"Real Men fly Radials, Nancy Boys fly Spitfires"
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LOL! That's great Rip! Y'all come back now y'hear?! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
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John "SUPERFLY" Guytan - Art Director
HiTech Creations
"Happiness is a warm gun momma" - The Beatles
-=HELLFIRE=- SQUAD
[This message has been edited by SUPERFLY (edited 05-09-2000).]
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I think they are better named in Texas as Praire Oysters Rip.
We have them here too, and each year we have testicle festival,or "here we go gathering nuts in May". (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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nuts in may, hehe, I think I would rather go to the rattle snake round up!
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Nathan "NATEDOG" Mathieu
Art Director
HiTech Creations
-=HELLFIRE SQUAD=-
"Man's 2nd greatest thrill in life is FLYING. His 1st greatest thrill is LANDING!"
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Heck, I can even make it simpler.
Before coming to Texas, be sure to watch at least 10 episodes of "King of the Hill".
Then you will know what to expect when you get here. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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Roy "Skuzzy" Neese
President, AppLink Corp.
http://www.applink.net
skuzzy@applink.net
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See Rule #10
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HOLY watermelon BRO........ You just won the Ray Guy Award!!!! LOL
im just posting here because its such a old thread :D :D :D :lol
(http://skinnypost.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Ray_Guy_punt.jpg)
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Skuz, don't kill it.... DON'T KILL IT!!! :cry
So much I'd love to add..... About going to Kentucky. :devil
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LOL!!! Being a n00b to Texas, and having been through ALL of that culture-shock, I love this thread!!!
And I love Texas!
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I'm a Minnesotan working in the Texas panhandle. Down here for a couple weeks and thought I'd be getting away from snow and below zero windchills. I was wrong.
When someoen says, "in a minute" how long is that really?
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whenever we get around to it
if you want it expedited offer beer or whiskey
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Holy NecroThread batman! :O
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I'm a Minnesotan working in the Texas panhandle. Down here for a couple weeks and thought I'd be getting away from snow and below zero windchills. I was wrong.
When someoen says, "in a minute" how long is that really?
Anywhere between 2-10 minutes.
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Anywhere between 2-10 minutes.
"In a minute" is the preferred procrastination term for Texans
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"In a minute" is the preferred procrastination term for Texans
It pretty much is for anywhere in the South.
In KY it is procrastinating anywhere from 2-10 minutes.
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Holy NecroThread batman! :O
lol but Rip your Avatar pic hasnt aged in years, how do you do it? :rofl