Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: AKDejaVu on March 09, 2001, 05:21:00 PM
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I enjoy good jokes as much as the next guy, but I can never remember them. One thing I don't have difficult remembering, however, are scenes I find incredibly amuzing.
I work at a large corporation... In a large officebuilding (next to a large fab (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif)). We have bathrooms at each end of every floor. They are shared by literally thousands of people. As a result, you see all sorts of folks there and abouts. Here are some truly funny scenese I've seen:- A man standing at a urinal and peeing while simultaneously brushing his teeth. Was hard to keep a straight face two u's down.
- A man who makes $100,000 per year with his shirt off completely washing his upper body at a sink (in a building that has showers).
- Someone talking on his cell phone while in a stall
Its strange just how some very simple images really strike a funny bone with me.
AKDejaVu
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Without a doubt, the funniest thing I've seen in a bathroom happened about 10 years ago. I was in D.C. to catch a Bullets game at the old Capitol Center. We stopped at a McDonalds, and I went in to use the bathroom. As I was passing one of the stalls, this little black kid comes busting out of the door with powder all over his face, vampire fangs, and a cape. Scared the piss out of me. Oh toejam! it's Blackula! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
Another funny incident happened to me when I first arrived in Desert Shield. I went to take a dump on one of my first nights there. At our camp, we used the old barrels sawed in half with a toiletseat on top. Someone thought it was a good idea to let a little fuel in the bottom after they were burnt to soak into the waste and make it burn better. Having just arrived in the country, I thought it was a good idea to smoke a cigarette on the toilet to pass the time. Let's just say I was really lucky I stood up before I decided to flick my cigarette into the toejamter (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
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I think my funniest recollection was from the Knebworth Fair way back in the early 80's(Deep Purple Headlining - Scorpions, Meatloaf etc support).
It absolutely pissed it down all day and in the temporary toilets which had been installed it became very (Well amongst other things) Muddy.
I remember some poor guy who struggled in for a piss on crutches. About half way through it became obvious that his 1 crutch was sinking into the mire slowly but surely over he went. He was absolutely covered in (Amongst other things) mud.
(Of course we all rushed to his aid - Did we hell). (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
TTFN
snafu
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I almost forgot why I posted this in the first place.
Today as I was heading towards the restroom, a gentleman came out just before I reached the door. He was smelling his hand.
AKDejaVu
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Yeah, Intel must be not be doing so well anymore. I heard they switched to 1 ply instead of 2.
This guy you speak of was *obviously* a large shareholder and decided to use his hand to save the paper. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif) (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/eek.gif)
:P
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bloom25
THUNDERBIRDS
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ahhh bathroom humour. Funniest and perhaps the most disgusting) thing i ever saw in a bathroom:
i was in a local pool hall's bathroom taking a leak. There were a bunch of kids there that day for a birthday party or some other dumb thing. so as i got to dry my hands after washing them, i see some kid wiping his bellybutton with the rolling towel dispenser on the wall . ( one of those old cloth type circulating dryers)
well needless to say i got a good laugh outta that one
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While on a military exercise outside of Fairbanks Alaska in mid winter... my platoon decided to go hi-tech (no AH pun intended) and took a portable folding toilet seat to assist in... well you know. Immediately after doing my duty (which isn't easy to do at 30 below) I try to get up when the seat collapses. Needless to say... it was messy. I went through a whole roll of TP and still had some mess to clean up so I actually grabbed handfuls of snow and rubbed them on my butt. Darn near had frostbite by the time I was cleaned up.
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This is gross and i haven't done it in years. I had to take a dump in this pub one night, So i went to the bathroom to do my business I had to hover because well ITS GROSS. well it turned out i shat on the seat (one log) My friend came in so i hollered for him to come look. (i was so drunk) he suggested we put it in the air hand dryer. So we turned the nozzle to the side and placed the turd in and went back to our seats to drink more. 10 minutes later a guy went in the bathroom and 2 minutes later he came busting out the door and started screening at the bar tender. the bar tenders reply was shouldn't have washed your hands then.
we were laughing so hard the rest of the night.
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LMAO!!!
probably the new soap. :D
Kanthy
Originally posted by AKDejaVu
I almost forgot why I posted this in the first place.
Today as I was heading towards the restroom, a gentleman came out just before I reached the door. He was smelling his hand.
AKDejaVu
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omg!!! thanks so much for the laughs!!!
I wish I could share something about the women's bathroom but I'd be killed immediately. :)
Kanthy
Originally posted by loser
ahhh bathroom humour. Funniest and perhaps the most disgusting) thing i ever saw in a bathroom:
i was in a local pool hall's bathroom taking a leak. There were a bunch of kids there that day for a birthday party or some other dumb thing. so as i got to dry my hands after washing them, i see some kid wiping his bellybutton with the rolling towel dispenser on the wall . ( one of those old cloth type circulating dryers)
well needless to say i got a good laugh outta that one
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Deja-
Not really an intel bathroom story, but it is an intel story.
I'm sure you are familiar with "codes" (for those less fortunate to have worked onsite at an intle facility, codes are called over the PA system whenever an Emergency Response Team needs to meet, and the code is followed by the building number assiciated with the meeting). At least that's how it worked up until I left. Anyhow, I was working down in the subfab of Fab5 (I think this has been torn down now?) by an acid storage room. I was familiar with a lot of the chemicals in this room and I knew that most of it was stuff you really didn't want to get in contact with. Anyhow, I walk past the room, and can see someone lying on the ground inside, through the small window that's in the door. He wasn't moving. So I knocked on the door. Nothing. Now I was panicked. I banged on the door a few more times, no luck. Finally, I opened the door and peeked in (shouldn't have, really, without SCBA gear on). I said, "Hey, are you alright?"
Nothing.
"Hey man, I'm going to go call someone, if you can hear me."
So I went to the nearest phone, thinking this guy must be dead. Called up the emergency line, and told them what was going on. At first they treated me oddly, and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I just wanted someone to respond to this emergency. Finally, someone came on the line and said that this guy was an ERT member, and they were just about to run a drill, and that he must be thinking I'm the one whose supposed to "discover" him.
Shoot, I nearly swore a blue streak, after practically crapping my pants thinking that something major was wrong. Shortly afterwads, I hear over the PA, "Code 5, Code 5, Code5". They were just assembling to have the drill. So I walked back to the Acid room and did what I needed to in there, and the guy on the floor apologized for scaring me so bad.
Anyhow, that's my best intel story.
Oh, once we caught a contractor over in D1B (while it was being constructed at Aloha) peeing in a trash can on the main fab level. That counts, doesn't it?
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Paxil-
A snow wipe is the best wipe in the woods. If your out there for any length of time and don't like hiking out all your used TP, the best thing you can find to do the job is snow. I don't know about 30 below though...
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we had someone pass out in the office and one of the supervisors thought it was a heart attack, so he pulled the fire alarm to get help asap.
Wasnt a heart attack, he just passed out, he had low blood pressure and was diabetic (oy).
Anyway, 20 minutes after all calmed down we noticed someone was missing. We thought this guy had taken the chance to go home or grab something to eat.
We found him 10 minutes later in the bathroom stall. When the alarm went off he had bolted upwards (he was "seated") , slammed his head on the door (apparently he had opened it so quick it bounced off the wall, so he hit it the edge of the door with his face), fell on the floor uncounscious (sp?).
We thought it odd for him to be out for 30 minutes... then we saw his pants... he had torn them in half from the bottom. That was why he didnt come out.
He was named employee of the month. LOL
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We were watching a "safety" film at work dealing with someone that had been in a pipeline (refinery) explosion that had burned 70% of his body. About halfway through the film, I hear a "SLAM" from right behind me. A gentleman had passed out from the intensity of the story being told on the screen... slamming his head on the table on his way down.
Always odd to have to call a code for ERT to respond to a safety class.
AKDejaVu
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One summer I was helping my friend's brother finish up his job so he could drive us both into town.(a favour for a favour)...His occupation was to pump out all those nasties from portable toilets.It was simple enough and all I had to do was hit the "Suck" button when he had the hose touching the bottom of the tank....
Well,after several stop n' pumps things were looking good for our night on the town.With only a few stops left we pulled up to a porta-johnny at a construction site and did the same routine...He got out the hose,opened the door and stuck the hose down the poop chute.I waited what seemed like at least a minute with my finger on the button listening for the "GO!"...
I hit the switch the instant he said "GO!"...Unfortunately I had my hand on the "Blow" button.
Needless to say we didn't get our ride into town...Later that same summer he died after drinking a 26'er and chocking on his vomit.
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Stayed in a youth hostel in East Berlin when we were visiting the GDR on a school trip. Had loads of fun getting drunk on vodka, and eating only chocolate b/c the East German food sucked badly... with all the chocolate, i went to the toilet the first time after two days.
Produced a really big pile of crap, try to flush the toilet, rip off flushing handle, no flushing. I was drunk again I might add. The handle had been on the wall, no way to reach the water reservoir which was in the wall.
So I roll TP around my hands, grab two BIG handfuls of toejam, and throw them out of the 4th floor window... to land on the glass above the entrance door ! :eek:
Everybody leaving and entering the hostel did so with a good view of my toejam. Fled the toilet, acted unconspiciously.
Years later, when watching a TV show about the Stasi, they mention the hostel had been under Stasi video surveillance, and a short piece of their footage was shown... they must've had a perfect view of my imperialist toejam throwing, the camera angle was excellent :D
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i walked by a porta-pottie at work the other day to hear an arguement coming from inside, i had to wait to see who comes out, turns out he was just on his cell phone.
one of my wifes favorite ways to mess with peoples minds, when leaving the womens restroom she leaves the seat up.