Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ripsnort on November 30, 2001, 01:39:00 PM
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Post them here!
If Santa were Creamo, and answered his mail honestly...
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer yer Frend,
Fredyy
Dear Freddy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a f@&$king book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom, who rides his bellybutton constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the tulips of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to
know.
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,like in the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? What a 'Tard. Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again this year, TARD!.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky
Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your bellybutton whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
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AAAAAAAA!!!!
Rip, please, next time write a warning for those who have a full glass in their hand!
I'll translate it to Russian and post somewhere if you don't mind!
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Funny but disturbing... :) :p
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Be my guest Borodo, make sure to give Creamo credit if they know him. :)
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LOL!
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The final one was pretty good.
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Is Marky the English version of Boroda???
<GDR> :D
(http://www.13thtas.com/mav13sig.jpg)
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Those were great Rip!
LOL.
Thanks for taking the time to write and post them.
eskimo
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I cannot take credit, this is a email joke I had from last year, just editted Creamo into it. ;)
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Santa fly's a 109. Sometimes I've seen him in a Flack Panzer.
His reindeer are gay.
He wears leiderhozen. Leather. Black. With a hole in the ass.
Little Billy and Sweet Sue will be scarred for life when he pops out their chiminey.
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[ 12-14-2001: Message edited by: Durr ]
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Hang's got it. He just forgot to say that I got a trimmer for the hair that grows around my anal orifice. Gotta keep it neat and tidy, according to the rules of the Latex ManLady Ruler.
If I was Creamo? Please. More of this: this sort of humiliation I usually have to pay through my bleeding nose for.
<scratches crotch>
Hey Hangtime, did your rashes ever disappear? I fear I've given you a present that's resistant to all but the newest forms of penicillin.
Oh, and yeah. I hate this time of the year.
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Nah, I'm kewl Santa, but thanks for askin... I pre-dosed.
Pass on to yer four-eyed reindeer wingie that I think his new bikini wax looks simply charming on you..
.. and yah better get the resta yer midgets on the company Rx plan, pronto.
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This thread has turned terribly wrong. We got shaved orifices and the like,yikes!
I like it.
Still, remember Drippy’s post’s consist of browsing the internet and posting discovered day old news or pictures to comment on, adding nothing new or clever.
(Pry time building a 7 line SIG’s, and racing a factory model car, but who’s to say.)
Bottom line, clever and Drippy are rarely connected, although he does make a good internet browser update newscaster.