Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: deSelys on July 15, 2005, 10:24:52 AM
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From another forum:
-- If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
-- If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, as them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
-- This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
-- Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could possibly know you from.
-- Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
-- If the company calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
-- After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
-- Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
-- Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
-- Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either, now you know how it feels!"
-- Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
-- Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
-- Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
-- Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
-- Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
-- Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
-- Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder...
-- Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
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:)
I always ask them if they have gay porn magazines. They usually hang up right away.
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hehehe
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I had some fun with them for a bit until the do not call list took effect.
I would routinely answer the phone in a number of ways.
Hello, Mikes house of pain where we're not happy until you're crying.
Hello, Freds house of whips where only the plumber has a bigger crack.
Hello, Georges house of ill repute where the customer always comes first.
Palms Mortuary where with us at the spade you've got it made. Rest assured you're well interred.
There were others but it was fun getting the folks rattled. It was even more fun when people we knew were calling just to hear what I came up with next.
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unknown caller ID just answer "pizza hut, with this be for delivery or carry out?"
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When I am in the mood, and don't just hang up, I ask them to please hold for a moment. I then set a kitchen timer for 5 min and go back to what I was doing. When the timer goes off, I see if anyone is still on the phone. If so, I ask them to hold on again and repeat for another 5 min. I don't do this much since the do-not-call list went into effect, but I can't say I never do it for survey's and other equally annoying calls.
Regards,
Malta
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I hold the receiver up close to the wall jack until it makes that piercing screech sound. Usually it doesnt take long for them to hang up.
Since that do-not-call list came up, this hasn't been a problem.
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Telemark...eters
Guess the name of the county i live in :D
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I always handed the phone to my 4 or 5 year old daughters, was a riot listening on the other phone!
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THIS ALWAYS works....
The vast majority of telemarketers call and DO ask for specific person (usually me)...
"Calling for Mr. Brady....."
(me) "Are you calling for Bruce....(pause)...Brady?"
"Yes...yes I am..."
(me) "Ah...well...I guess no one told you...he died..."
click----dialtone
ROX
PIGSTOMPERS
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SOP for me:
"-- Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either, now you know how it feels!"
"
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Originally posted by mora
:)
I always ask them if they have gay porn magazines. They usually hang up right away.
I'm using that....
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I have a tape loop of "Dave's not here man" from Cheech and Chong (its under time limit so as to avoid copyright infringment) I play it until they hang up. Usually does not take long.
However, there was one tenacious one who kept saying she did not want to talk to Dave, for about 15 times before giving up.
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bet she was blonde
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I was laughing too hard to ask.
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Skuzzy teh evil!
:aok
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Stole this off a TV commercial. Ask them to hold on for a moment. if you have something that can play music like a baby's toy. Play it into the speaker. The pick up the phone and say
'Thank you for holding. You're call is important to us. Someone will be with you shortly'.
Problem is, around here all the telemarketers have seen the commercial and just laugh.
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I went with the one idea I read about once, when a young lady called and told me the long distance service she was representing was going to give me five cents a minute.
I asked when the checks would start arriving, and would it be weekly checks or monthly.
She said "what?".
I said since they were giving me five cents a minute, I figured that worked out to about 3 dollars an hour, about 72 dollars a day, about 500 dollars a week. When would the checks start arriving.
She stammered and said "we arent giving you money".
I pointed out that that was exactly what she told me. "we are going to give you five cents a minute".
During the next few minutes I asked if she was trying to pull some kind of fraud on me, calling and lieing to me, I wanted to start getting the money and soon, and if I didnt I would file a complaint with the Attorney General of my state.
It was fun, I finally let her off the hook, I was amused and she was confused.
dago
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Between "anonymous call rejection" and the "do not call list" I have'nt had a call from a telemarketer in years.
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tell em, just wait a minute while i finish digging my...basement, yeah
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Any game must have points.
http://idiot-dog.com/humor/telemarket.html
:)
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Originally posted by Sandman
Any game must have points.
http://idiot-dog.com/humor/telemarket.html
:)
:rofl
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Sorry, but do you mean that there is a group of people earning money by calling home phones and offering some goods/services?!
This is absolutely insane. If it's true - then I expect this **** to appear in Russia in a matter of weeks.
I have seen a person in a subway, a bearded 150+kg monster with a "kind" face, wearing a badge: "Want to die? Just ask me if I want to lose weight fast!"....
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It probably won't catch on in Russia until people actually have disposable income to spend.
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Originally posted by Boroda
Sorry, but do you mean that there is a group of people earning money by calling home phones and offering some goods/services?!
This is absolutely insane. If it's true - then I expect this **** to appear in Russia in a matter of weeks.
It's true!
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Originally posted by Dago
It probably won't catch on in Russia until people actually have disposable income to spend.
they already do have "disposable income". BTW, what a beautiful definition! ;)
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Originally posted by Sandman
It's true!
Damn... I am happy that we are still so far from reaching the heights of civilisation and democracy (tm)...
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As soon as I find out it's a telemarketing attempt a shouted "WHAT THE **** DO YOU WANT!!??". If it's after hours it's "THIS HAD BETTER BE ****IN GOOD, YOU ****ING LEACH!!!".
I don't much like telemarketers.
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i know this is diggin up an old thread. this is taken from an actual conversation with a telemarketer i once had. keep in mind i am saying these things in an asian accent.
me: herrow, chinese pizza!
"david": chinese wha... yah, this is david from AT&-
me: you cawr fo chinese pizza?
david: um, no. im calling abou-
me: why not!?! chinese pizza not good enough for you!?!
david: no i was just asking if you were interested in-
me: hay! no! you cawr chinese pizza shop, i ask qurestions!
david: well i was just-
me(covering up laughter with a sob story): i come from china fowr
new rife. and you just pwrank cawr my prace of business!!
david: im sorry, i didnt meen to do that.
at this point i cant control the laughter and tell him that i have been yanking his chain this whole time. we had a good laugh as i explained how i knew he was a telemarketer .
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Heres one I did.
Woman calls and starts her routine. I politely listen for about a min then say.
Me - "Wait a sec. I just have to say you have a really really nice voice"
Her - "Well thank you very much I appeciate that"
Me - "Tell me something please?"
Her - "Sure"
Me (in a slightly lower and softer voice)- "Do you have nice breasts?" (breathing heavy into the phone)
Her - Silence
Me- "Hello?"
"click"
My sister did one to a Visa guy. He called and asked to speak to John Mehalko. So. she handed the phone to John Mehalko...Jr
John Mehalko Jr. was 3 years old.
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i miss those annoying bastards.
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They always used to mispronounce my last name, I'd answer nobody lives here by that name and hang up.
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Me (with more accent then usual)- “Russian embassy, May I help you?”
Telemarketer – This is John…with….wait….embassy? Sorry..
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here's mine..
woman-hi this is "girl" from "place" how are you today?
Me- well im kind of tired, a littel hungry and i don't really feel like talking on the phone right now.
woman- (confused) oh...oookay...bye..click
i felt bad afterword because she sounded nice but it sure as hell was funny.
one time superdud answered my phone and the person asked hi is "person" there?
sdud- nope
woman-and who am i speaking to
sdud-YOUR MOM!!!
it was funny...