Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: LePaul on June 24, 2001, 08:06:00 PM
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Issued by the Maine Department of Tourism to ALL visiting Urbanites
Don't come up here and order Idaho potatoes or spiny lobsters. Doing so can get your bellybutton kicked.
Don't laugh at the names of our little towns like Piscataquis, Bingham, Penobscot, Rome, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
Don't order a bottle or a can of Pop here. Up here it's called soda. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an bellybutton kicking.
We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or hillbillies, we'll kick your ass.
We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living up here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass.
Don't laugh at our love of H.S. sports. Doing so can lead to an bellybutton kicking.
We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money at the ski lodge or at the snowmobile rental place, then get the hell back to Massachusetts or we'll kick your ass.
Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well-done like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake! Otherwise, we'll kick your skinny ass.
Don't try to fake a Maine accent. We don't have an accent. Say we do and you will get your bellybutton kicked.
Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Boston, New York, and Miami and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta Airlines has seats available. Move your bellybutton on home before it gets kicked.
Yes, we know that ice fishing is "not your thing." We don't care. If you don't understand the beauty of being out on a lake when it's minus 30 degrees then you should go home and try fishing in Boston Harbor. Also, don't hog the heater in the fish house or we'll kick your ass.
Don't complain that Maine has too many trees or is too hilly. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your flatlander bellybutton all the way back to Massachusetts.
Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your bellybutton just like they did ours.
So you think we're quaint or losers because many of us live on farms or fish for a living? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like Boston, New York or Miami Make fun of us and we'll kick your ass.
Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how the forest land should preserved as one big national park. This will get your bellybutton shot off (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will go home in a pine box - Minus your ass.
Enjoy your visit to Maine (or we'll kick....)
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sounds like my kind of place. Where is it again? ;) :D
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Hehe, my friend's site had that on it....he also had this...
More children's books you'll never see.
Pop Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games
You Were an Accident
Strangers Have the Best Cand
The Little Sissy Who Snitched
Some Kittens Can Fly
Getting More Chocolate on Your Face
Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
All Dogs Go to Hell
The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say
God Did It
Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?
Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
Bi-Curious George
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver
You Are Different and That's Bad
Daddy's New Wife Timothy
Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets
The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad
Babar Meets the Taxidermist
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse
The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy
Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead
How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
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Originally posted by Tac:
sounds like my kind of place. Where is it again? ;) :D
Maine! You know, that little state way up in the far right hand corner? :D
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My mom was born in Portland, Maine.
California messed up when she got her ID here and listed her birthplace as Portland, Oregon.
She wants to kick their asses. :p
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Hey! Massachusetts has hills! Why does everyone seem to think that we have no hills? We have some very nice hills! Know where North Adams is? If not, how about MASSMOCA?