Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ripsnort on July 10, 2001, 10:11:00 AM
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It is the year 2001 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S.Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft."
Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has." AMEN...
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sad but true except God would just let it rain...
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ROFL!
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You know what Geroge W Moron said...the same thing his dad said in 1991 about the enviroment.
WTG America you have a war hero and a moron and you elect the moron WTG again. America the great? LOL.
[ 07-11-2001: Message edited by: Glasses ]
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Yep, I'll be cursing that moron out when I'm purchasing my mods for the BMW, all $1200 dollars of it, in August. Thanks George! ;)
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G.W. may be a moron, but atleast he's got some decent advisors.
-SW
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When you compare GW to Goron, he's a genius, add his staff - he's the best bet for this country for the next four years, that's why he got my vote.... but thanks for your opinion Glasses :)
[ 07-12-2001: Message edited by: Eagler ]
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Eagler, do you watch the "Daily Show" on comedy central?
They had a clip of G.W. Jr. and several immigrants becomming legal Americans.
He started off "put your right hand in the air" everyone did it, seconds later "on second thought, put your right hand over your hearts"
I laughed my bellybutton off, but he's still done a great job so far... no denying that.
-SW
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Originally posted by SWulfe:
Eagler, do you watch the "Daily Show" on comedy central?
They had a clip of G.W. Jr. and several immigrants becomming legal Americans.
He started off "put your right hand in the air" everyone did it, seconds later "on second thought, put your right hand over your hearts"
I laughed my bellybutton off, but he's still done a great job so far... no denying that.
-SW
Actually I saw that live on Foxnews and got a kick out of it too. I find it refreshing to see that he doesn't get bent and takes it all in stride with a smile.. :)
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Ironically, most high profile "Southerns" are typically stero-typed as 'dumb' in America, due to accent, Chuck Yeager points out this stero-typing in some literature I've read over the years, and its unfortunate, because once the press portrays it, the ball starts rolling, regardless of ones educational background, and remember, it was GORE who was the drop out (in his post-degree schooling) not Bush. ;)
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Originally posted by Ripsnort:
Ironically, most high profile "Southerns" are typically stero-typed as 'dumb' in America, due to accent, Chuck Yeager points out this stero-typing in some literature I've read over the years, and its unfortunate, because once the press portrays it, the ball starts rolling, regardless of ones educational background, and remember, it was GORE who was the drop out (in his post-degree schooling) not Bush. ;)
well, if so many southerners wouldn't contribute to the stereotype... ;) You know Cleetus, the slack-jawed yokel from The Simpsons??? I see a few of those every day to and from work. ;)
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“Come the millennium, month twelve,
In the home of greatest power,
The village idiot will come forth
To be acclaimed the leader.”
-Nostradamus, 1555
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Originally posted by Glasses:
WTG America you have a war hero and a moron and you elect the moron WTG again.
Now that is some funny toejam. I wouldnt exactly refer to Goron as a war hero.
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At least George Ws speeches make you smile.Can you imagine having to listen to Gore all the time.
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Originally posted by ET:
At least George Ws speeches make you smile.Can you imagine having to listen to Gore all the time.
well, since you asked, the tin man himself :)
http://www.c-span.org/ram/rwh070397_gore.ram (http://www.c-span.org/ram/rwh070397_gore.ram)
If you are still awake, here's more...
http://www.2000vote.com/gore.htm (http://www.2000vote.com/gore.htm)
Funny, I'd forgotten what a robot this guy was :)
gore 2004!! LOL
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Blur, this is a no-spin zone :) Here is the truth ... http://www.dreamscape.com/morgana/election.htm (http://www.dreamscape.com/morgana/election.htm)
[ 07-12-2001: Message edited by: Gunthr ]
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Originally posted by blur:
“Come the millennium, month twelve,
In the home of greatest power,
The village idiot will come forth
To be acclaimed the leader.”
-Nostradamus, 1555
did you get a promotion last December blur?
:)
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When I meant War hero I didn't mean "All" Gore I meant Mcain. Sad,you have a guy with previous leadership know how (i.e. he fought for the damn country he lived in,indured the most heavy onslaught a human being can endure psycological and physical) and somehow this idiot got elected :/. Texas well... I can't say much for it but as long as they don't let W. speech impediment Bush run the country directly I'd think we'd be safe for a while.
I don't think he'll be re-elected will probably one of those one shot one kill presidents he'll screw up sooner or later that I guarantee you.
There you go the US is turning into France lol.
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War heroes do not neccesarily make the best leaders in more* peaceful times. The last big war was the Gulf War and that lasted all of 2 weeks. Bush Sr was president and Powell was his General. That was Bush's time to shine, after that it was more of a shoulder shrug across the nation when he did something. (Bush Sr was a WWII war vet, he flew a TBM in the South Pacific and was shot down. The mission he was shot down on was also in Aces Of The Pacific)
I'm not saying Bush Jr. is going to be great, but I'm certainly saying he's not going to be a bad president. So far he's done pretty well, especially in that whole Chinese fighter/U.S. Spyplane collision ordeal.
No nuclear holocaust occured, we got our people back unharmed, China got an indirect apology so they could save face and here we are months later still communicating over a somewhat peaceful World Wide Web.
All in all, so far he's done a pretty damn good job.
-SW
* by peaceful I mean no large conflicts, WW1, WW2, Korean War, Vietnam War, Iran-Contra, Balkans, etc.
[ 07-12-2001: Message edited by: SWulfe ]
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YA,
W'S we haven't had the unemployment rate climb this fast since his dad's first year