Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: VOR on November 10, 2005, 01:15:53 AM
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Hey guys, greets from beautiful, scenic Tikrit. So far so good. Everything is nice and quiet here for the most part. In fact, this place is reminding me more of Bosnia circa 1996-1997 than the Iraq I left early last year.
We still have two major combatant forces challenging our manifest supremacy in this area, however. They are ruthless, persistent forces with the robotic determination of the Borg and are armed with the relentless, heartless tenacity of a Jehova's Witness at supper time. They are:
1. Dust
2. Pigeons
Against the dusty foe, I have armed myself with tube upon tube of "Caulk-It" (registered trademark, General Electric Company, 2002). I have accessorized my weapon with the latest in precision applicator nozzle technology for those hard to make shots, and my weapon is resealable so as to keep my powder dry and ready for use at a moment's notice. I remain vigilant in my well-prepared defensive position deep within the building I live in. (Yes, I live in a 4-walled structure with a roof this time. I even have electricity!)
Against the avian soldiers of the Ansar al Sunnah Army, I am thus far relatively defenseless except for my keen situational awareness and ninja-like reflexes. They take potshots at me almost daily as I step outside for my evening cigar and coffee ritual. (Apparently, pigeons have no respect for western tradition. Infidels!) Much like the loitering FW190, they like to wait until you're thoroughly distracted or otherwise engaged before swooping in for the easy kill. I've had a couple of close calls...one shot landed about an inch from the toe of my boot with an audible splat. I mocked my shooter and threw a few expletives his way to which he retorted with a series of "coo..cooo...flap.flap..coo" which in the local pigeon dialect I am told means "DETH TO AMREEKA!!!" One day, wiseguy...I'll get you.
Every few days I make the pilgrimage to the internet cafe (LOL!) to get sitreps on the homefront. Apparently, fifth columnists have taught my 10 year old son some dirty knock-knock jokes. Is nothing sacred anymore?
To borrow a line from the famous internet film clip, the situation here is as volatile as ever. We remain vigilant, as always. Nothing further to report.
:D
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Requistion a Patriot battery.
Blow 'em all to kingdom come.
VOR..
stay safe, dude!
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one word.....
ATOMICS!!!!
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Typical, the locals are trying to put free milk in your coffee (this time it was close to your boot... next time, who knows), and all you want to do is shoot it away!
tsss...
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So SHawk was a pigeon in his past life
Makes sense
:)
NwBie
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Requistion a Perigrine Falcon, A8 Model.
Then have it HO the LaLaPidgeon! Always to land with kills!! :aok
Stay safe VOR! <<>>
Mac
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great post VOR, let me know where I can send you a box of your favorite cigars.
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Try feeding them some alka-seltzer. Works for Sea Gulls (or at least I've heard).
What brand do you smoke?
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sir, and keep up the great work. there are many of us proud of what you soldiers over there are doing, and i personally have the utmost respect for anyone with the bravery to do your job.
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Originally posted by VOR
Hey guys, greets from beautiful, scenic Tikrit. So far so good.
If somebody say sutch thing and dont post any pictures, im about to AKDGBAUKVGFASV^*OQWBVF$%C^OV*WE&BVR him.
Make it nexttime, when you visit the temple Haji.
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VOR,
Good sitrep there. One observation. If you have a "ritual" that the insurgents can time you by, you are too damn much of a target dude!!:O
JNow here is a way to deal with the insurgent air force. You must give them supplies. Yes you heard me right. I suggest you start with a 5 lb bag of UN supplied dry rice. Provide the rations for the insurgents. You'll soon have them eating out of your hand. After they have feasted, provide them with a suitable amount of water to wash it down with. Soon you will notice that you have been able to actually do something usefull with the UN's supplies. The UN could then claim an actual victory in the war on terror by the use of their equipment........;)
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Originally posted by Yeager
one word.....
ATOMICS!!!!
"I say we take off and nuke the place from orbit: it's the only way to be sure"
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Two words.
Alka Seltzer
Seems pigeoons like Alka Seltzer
Alka Seltzer doesnt like them.
Just dont telll PETA I told you that;)
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Oh and dont forget to sing this while your doing it
http://perso.wanadoo.fr/prof.danglais/englishdepartment/pigeons/pigeons.mp3 (http://perso.wanadoo.fr/prof.danglais/englishdepartment/pigeons/pigeons.mp3)
:D