Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ripsnort on April 18, 2001, 11:35:00 AM
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No matter how hard your kids try, they can't baptize cats.
If one brother hits the other, I've told my sons "don't hit back"... I always always catch the second person.
Never ask your 2-year old son to hold a tomato.(or, an egg for that matter)
You can't trust dogs to watch your kids food.
Reading what kids write on desks,walls, computer cases can teach you a lot...don't leave pens out unattended.
Don't sneeze when Dad is cutting your hair.
Never allow the kids to hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
Kids can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't let boys wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
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good lessons (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
Eagler
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Add some of your own, I'm always learning each and every day! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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ANY ball, no matter how small and soft it is, is capable of knocking any fragile object off of it's perch when thrown higher than two inches.
A child can carry a glass of water around the entire house without spilling a drop. A glass of cherry Kool-Aid, however, will immediately spill onto the lightest colored rug in the house.
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You can try to teach your child to say anything you want...but he'll only repeat the words you screamed when you stubbed your toe...and he'll repeat them over...and over...and over.
You can take a child to bathroom...but you can't make him pee.
Your son can get anything he wants from your girlfriends...you on the other hand can only squeak about the fact that he can.
Never start a sentence with "Whatever you do...don't..." This is the equivelant of me telling you, not to think of a banana.
Your children are smarter than you could ever imagine and before spanking them the second time, check for sharp objects hidden in the back of their pants.
You don't want to know EVERYTHING you child has done...some things are better left to the unknown.
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Locks on the master bed room are a very good idea.
A stick is pretty much the best toy ever made.
People without children really dont understand.
Dishonest kids have a huge advantage at school.
WW2 fighter models look more real with the landing gear and prop blades broken off.
Very young kids can easily detect idiots.
There are a million ways to tell your dad to put his seat belt on.
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Buy them an expensive toy, and they have more fun with the box it came in (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/frown.gif)
Never! NEVER! toss your daughter your wallet and tell her " take what you need"
Kids can break their arm and be out playing 15 minutes later, Stub their toe and they need 2 days off from school (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/frown.gif)
AND never ever under any circumstances tell em about AH (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
Tommy Hilfiger fleece top $89.00 US
Same fleece (noname) $19.99 US...DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT BUYING THIS, unless it's your size (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
Buy them a Dog, then they want a cat, buy the cat they want a hamster, buy the hamster , they want a guine pig, buy the pig, they want a parrot, buy the parrot, they want trombone lessons, buy the trombone , they want karate lessons, buy the karate lessons, they want a guitar, buy the guitar , they want a car.... hey wait that was me, sorry, where were we?
NUTTZ
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Actually what i've learned ..
A kiss and hug, supportive dialect go a long long way (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
NUTTZ
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Don't say F*ck near a child learning how to talk or it will be it's first word.
When doing home repairs...always keep one eye on the toolbox. And as a further precaution make sure all plugins have covers.
Don't tell them what you bought mommy for Christmas.
Don't bother taking them to emergency for "stitches" they just glue them together now....keep a tube of crazy glue handy at all times.
(http://www.skernsk.50megs.com/re.jpg)
[This message has been edited by skernsk (edited 04-18-2001).]
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It is way easier than being a Mother.
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When did they put this thing in here and WTF is it for?
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Keeping your 1 yr old's finger nails trimmed drastically reduces facial lacerations...
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Originally posted by Pongo:
Locks on the master bed room are a very good idea.
A stick is pretty much the best toy ever made.
People without children really dont understand.
WW2 fighter models look more real with the landing gear and prop blades broken off.
Very young kids can easily detect idiots.
There are a million ways to tell your dad to put his seat belt on.
GAWD PONGO, these REALLY hit home! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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LOL
sounds like being a parent is quite an adventure.
I've begun to better understand the joys such a thing can bring from watching my brothers two twin girls. They're way cool (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif).
But, still another 10-20 years til I'm mature enough to take care of anyone but myself (and i barely manage that (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)).
Good ones rip (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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Von Santa
Staffelkapitän 9./JG 54 "Grünherz"
"If you return from a mission with a victory, but without your Rottenflieger, you have lost your battle."
- D. Hrabak, JG 54 "Grünherz"
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One I just thought of:
My dad was pretty dam good after all. If I am half as good as he was I'll be ok. Thanks Dad!
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Oh jeez skernsk.....bleeeech.
You tryin' ta git kicked outta tha squad or whut? (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif)
Seriously though....no kids myself yet, but I have learned a thing or two from my nephews (age 6 and 2)
The correct answer to every "Why" question is..... because.
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My favorite Mark twain quote...
...When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
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Originally posted by sling322:
Oh jeez skernsk.....bleeeech.
You tryin' ta git kicked outta tha squad or whut? (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif)
Seriously though....no kids myself yet, but I have learned a thing or two from my nephews (age 6 and 2)
The correct answer to every "Why" question is..... because.
Yanno...I tried the old tactic of turning the tables on my son...he kept asking me why questions...I finally said
"why do you ask so many questions?"
To which he answered without even missing a beat
"because I'm 6!"
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1. If you have something really, really important to do, whether it's "squad night", work, or much-needed housecleaning, your child will suddenly be sticken with an incurable case of insomnia, that can only be rectified by watching really crappy videos with them.
If you have absolutely NOTHING to do, there's nothing good on TV, your squaddies are taking the night off, and you had a big evening of Candyland and card games planned, your child will fall into a deep slumber at 8:15pm on the couch.
2. Children don't care that you've just fried chicken using your grandmother's recipe, that the mashed potatoes are made from scratch using red potatoes, or that you cooked green beans from the farmer's market. All things considered, they would have preferred Kraft macaroni & cheese.
3. The only time a child will beat you to the door after the doorbell rings is when they are not wearing clothes.
4. No matter what the size, clothes they do not want to wear will not "fit."
5. Without even being able to read prices, children will always pick out the most ridiculously expensive popsicles on the first try.
6. Children will only pick up the phone if it's an important business call. A child can detect the ring of a phone solicitor, and will always avoid them like the plague.
7. After only a few minutes of being wrapped up in a blanket, cats get eerily quiet.
8. No one's children are as intelligent, good-looking, and neat as yours.
9. All wrongs can be instanly righted with a big hug, a kiss, and the statement, "You're the bestest Daddy in the whole WORLD!"
Mk
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Mk, ask my squaddies, everytime we have Squad night or our monthly MAG-33 get together, and We're 2 min from rolling a ton of aircraft, thats when my 2 year old comes into the office with the biggest dang 'blow out' you've ever seen, dripping down the legs, stinking the place up, wifes always working those nights, ITS A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU, IT IS! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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Originally posted by Ripsnort:
Mk, ask my squaddies, everytime we have Squad night or our monthly MAG-33 get together, and We're 2 min from rolling a ton of aircraft, thats when my 2 year old comes into the office with the biggest dang 'blow out' you've ever seen, dripping down the legs, stinking the place up, wifes always working those nights, ITS A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU, IT IS! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
Thanks for the visual! Excuse me while I go throw up about half a pound of sushi...