Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => Aces High General Discussion => Topic started by: BBQ_Bob on February 06, 2006, 10:56:26 AM
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A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender.
"Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal. :aok
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Big competition for best macho man: a rook, a knight and a bish, everyone gets a monkey to have fun, and after 9 months the results:
1st Place the winner is -- the Rook macho man, his monkey gave birth to 4 baby (alt)monkeys.WTFG
2nd place-- the knight macho man, his monkey gave birth to 3 baby monkeys,wtg
3rd place-- the bish macho man-- his monkey gave birth to 2 baby monkeys, :(
The audience asked: --- Mr. bish macho, you were the favoritte for this competition, you won always last years, why are you the last now??
Bish macho replys: --cheaters, this year gave me a male monkey
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HUH?
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Hold on I can still save this thread.
A rabbi, a priest, and a bishop walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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No no no, thats not how it goes.
Here's how it should go.
Two men walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.
Bada-boom.
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Errrr fellers....don't quit yer days jobs
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I was watching the Boondocks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boondocks) last night , and it said the top killer of blacks in the USA is....
FEMA
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A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."
The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"
"Well, here at the post office, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"
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Originally posted by Meatwad
A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."
The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"
"Well, here at the post office, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"
:rofl
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Originally posted by Meatwad
I was watching the Boondocks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boondocks) last night , and it said the top killer of blacks in the USA is....
FEMA
Grandpa's Fight! A favorite around my house. Got the avi sitting on my desktop lol.
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Don't mess with grandma (http://www.geocities.com/mossimopooky/grannyairbag_1.wmv) :)
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A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
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Personally, this thread should be (http://forums.maxima.org/images/smilies/lockie.gif)
The comment about Canadian's and seals, that is an insult to me as a Canuck. I'd (http://forums.maxima.org/images/smilies/ban.gif) but I don't have the priviliage.
Lock it HT.
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A trapper is on his snowmobile going into town when it dies......
He decides to go into a diner for a sandwich after he makes the call to a mechanic to come out and look at the machine.
Once he's finished eating...he walks back out to the snowmobile and the mechanic is already there looking at it...
The mechanic says."looks like you blew a seal"
The trapper wipes his mouth and says" Nah...it's only Mayo"
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Originally posted by Mister Fork
Personally, this thread should be (http://forums.maxima.org/images/smilies/lockie.gif)
The comment about Canadian's and seals, that is an insult to me as a Canuck. I'd (http://forums.maxima.org/images/smilies/ban.gif) but I don't have the priviliage.
Lock it HT.
Sorry Mr. Fork
I KEED
(http://www.satiricpress.com/sp/archive/2004-03-01/img_triumph.jpg)
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The rich man was showing off his house to a neighbor. As they walked around to the back they passed beautiful trees and flowers and came upon three swimming pools.
The rich man explained that the first swimming pool was kept at 90 degrees and was for his friends that liked to swim in warm water.
Then the rich man explained that the second pool was kept at 33 degrees and was for his friends who liked to swim in cold water.
The neighbor asked "Why is the third swimming pool empty?"
The rich man explained "I've got friends that don't swim."
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A Nit and a Rook both watching the game on TV. Rook looks over at Nit's dog licking his nuts.....
Rook: "I sure wish I could do that"....
Nit:"I bet he'd get pizzed off and bite you if you tried"...
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Originally posted by ghi
Big competition for best macho man: a rook, a knight and a bish, everyone gets a monkey to have fun, and after 9 months the results:
1st Place the winner is -- the Rook macho man, his monkey gave birth to 4 baby (alt)monkeys.WTFG
Amazing, you make your MA cherrypicking regardless of alt. Hello kettle.
Karaya
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For many years the gate keeper at the BBC building in London was an old fellow by the name of Robert. Having spent some of his youth in military Service, active combat, he had lost his left hand.
So one day Bob is sitting in his gaurd's building, opening the gate, letting all the celebs in and out, sipping his coffee and smoking his cigs when who should come rolling up to the barrier but Spike Milligan! now Spike was one of Bob's all time comedy heroes, and to see this great man was a delight.
"Good day Mr. Milligan, how the devil are you today?"
"Very well thank you, and call me Spike"
flushed at this act of generosity, old Bob thought he might push the boat out and go for gold.
"I say Spike, the wife and I have always loved you shows, we roar with laughter at you jokes, really have been life long fans"
"Very good sir" came the reply " I have always tried to make people laugh."
plucking up all his courage, old Bob furtively ventured..
"I say Spike, I noticed you are putting on a show in the paladium next week, I wonder if by some wonderfull chance you might be able to spot the wife and I a set of tickets?" holding his breath....
Spike, pausing for a second, took a look at the poor man's disabled stump, felt compasion for a fellow maimed in conflict (spike himself had taken a wound to a mortar round in Italy, WW2), looked up straight into old Bob's eyes and replied...
"Not bloody likely mate, we want people who can clap!"
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Originally posted by Mister Fork
Personally, this thread should be (http://forums.maxima.org/images/smilies/lockie.gif)
The comment about Canadian's and seals, that is an insult to me as a Canuck. I'd (http://forums.maxima.org/images/smilies/ban.gif) but I don't have the priviliage.
Lock it HT.
lol, relax man... I'm Canadian, and thought the Canadian Club joke was funny :p
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A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."