Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Nilsen on March 10, 2006, 02:07:03 PM
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Three Rednecks were working on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are".
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Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here", says Bubba, "It's Zeb Jones' grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Earl, "here's one named Butch Smith. It says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Jeb yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!"
"What was his name?" asks Bubba.
Jeb lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Georgia."
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While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush? "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna switch back to paper."
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(http://funnies.com/funnypicsnov/redneckdate.jpg)
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Ole and Sven went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish, and Sven says, "The way I figger it, Ole, each of them fish cost us $400. Well. At dat price it's a good ting we didn't catch any more of em than we did."
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"Hello? Funeral home?"
"Yes?"
"It's Ole. My wife Lena died."
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. We'll send someone right away to pick up the body. Where do you live?"
"At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
"Can you spell that for me?"
"How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up der?"
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:rofl
Got some good norwegian style redneck jokes (yes we have em too) but the fun is lost in the translation and you have to know the "harry" culture to get it.
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Ole's neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?" "No," said Sven, "It's because you're NINETEEN."
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A Norwegian was in a pub in Sweden and a regular customer suggested to him:
- "I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head." The Norwegian thought for a while and finally agreed, partly because of the peer pressure. The Swede smashed the first bottle on the Norwegian's head, then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles.
- "So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?," asked the Norwegian.
- "I am not a total idiot," the Swede replied, "then I would have to give you that $200."
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Every year for the 17th of May parade the Swedes line up on one side of the road for the parade, the Norwegians on the other. Then, the Norwegians throw firecrackers at the Swedes. Then, the Swedes light the firecrackers and throw them back.
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A Norwegian road-worker was hired to paint the line that goes down the center of the road. The first day he managed to paint 2 kilometers, and his boss was very pleased. The next day he only painted 200 meters, but his boss thought that he'd probably started off too hard on the first day. But on the third day he was only able to paint 20 meters. The boss called him into the office and demanded an explanation. "Well, you see it's getting so darn far to walk all the way to the paint bucket," the Norwegian explained.
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LOL Mustaine :D
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I am offended and demand that this thread be deleted :aok
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(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c261/Kaw1000/moving2.jpg)
(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c261/Kaw1000/Moving.jpg)
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(http://funnies.com/fp221/redneckbirthdaycake.jpg)
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just hit this page and go to next picture
http://funnies.com/redpics.htm
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A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's home, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.
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redneck rollercoaster (http://www.onpoi.net/ah/pics/users/180_1142025325_redneckrollercoaster.wmv)
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> TOP 16 COUNTRY SONGS
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>16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your bellybutton Out All
>Day Long
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>14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
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>13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
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>12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well
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>11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
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>10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
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>9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
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>8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here
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>7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison
>By Now
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>6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
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>5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
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>4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
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>3. Her Teeth Were Stained But Her Heart Was Pure
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>2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
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(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c261/Kaw1000/TNBIRDDOG1.jpg)
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See Rule #5
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Originally posted by lazs2
See Rule #5
:rolleyes:
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See Rule #5
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Originally posted by Shuckins
Why not the same consideration for poor whites?
Whoever said rednecks were poor whites? You and Lazs completely miss the point. Never thought I'd see ole Lazs making a "PC" post. He must be gettin all sensitive and stuff.
Redneck is an attitude, not a class.
h
(not poor redneck in CO)
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IF we are to be 100% PC then lazs does have a point.
That also means no making fun of or speaking badly of French, arabs, mexicans, europeans, lutefisk, mac users, ipods, eurofighter, airbus, boeing, SUV's, eskimoes, gun nuts, gun hating nuts, spitfires, neo-cons, republicans, democrats, muslims, him --> :aok and skuzzy.
What would remain of the o'club?
I would find it very boring to be the only one left here.
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Originally posted by Nilsen
IF we are to be 100% PC then lazs does have a point.
That also means no making fun of or speaking badly of French, arabs, mexicans, europeans, lutefisk, mac users, ipods, eurofighter, airbus, boeing, SUV's, eskimoes, gun nuts, gun hating nuts, spitfires, neo-cons, republicans, democrats, muslims, him --> :aok and skuzzy.
What would remain of the o'club?
Especially lutefisk and mac users. Especially them. They are 'thenthetive.
h
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Originally posted by Shuckins
Lasz has got a point Curv. Why is it acceptable to laugh at one group and not another?
because rednecks have a sense of humor.
BTW- the proper PC term is 'Appellation-American"
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Originally posted by Shuckins
Lasz has got a point Curv. Why is it acceptable to laugh at one group and not another?
No no...you misunderstood. I think it is mind boggling that lazs is showing that HE personifies the thread topic....a sensitive redneck. lol:rofl
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The term "redneck" was first used by governor "Jeff" Davis of Arkansas to refer to the poor white farmers with sun-burned necks who helped elect him. They were the direct opposites of what Davis called the "silk-hat" crowd, the intellectual elites, who opposed his election.
I'll be if you took a poll, most people would identify rednecks as poor, illiterate, and racist.
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Originally posted by Shuckins
I'll be if you took a poll, most people would identify rednecks as poor, illiterate, and racist.
And they'd be completely wrong
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See Rule #7
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Originally posted by Horn
Whoever said rednecks were poor whites? You and Lazs completely miss the point. Never thought I'd see ole Lazs making a "PC" post. He must be gettin all sensitive and stuff.
Redneck is an attitude, not a class.
h
(not poor redneck in CO)
The term redneck was derived from coal miners from the Virginia coal mines that attempted to unionize in the 1920's. The mine owners paid thugs to break the strike and several people where killed. As a result the miners (of which many where WWI vets) formed armed groups. To tell who was miners during shootouts the miners wore red bandanas around their necks and where first referred to as rednecks by the mine owners hired guns.
It has since been used to mean generally anyone from Appalachia. Or anyone who lives that lifestyle.
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Originally posted by Curval
....a sensitive redneck. lol:rofl
Yeah, he became kinda girlie. Guess libs finally got him. :rofl
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Originally posted by weaselsan
The term redneck was derived from coal miners from the Virginia coal mines that attempted to unionize in the 1920's. The mine owners paid thugs to break the strike and several people where killed. As a result the miners (of which many where WWI vets) formed armed groups. To tell who was miners during shootouts the miners wore red bandanas around their necks and where first referred to as rednecks by the mine owners hired guns.
It has since been used to mean generally anyone from Appalachia. Or anyone who lives that lifestyle.
The gunfight at the end of Matewan is one of the best in any movie IMO (also IMO, anyone who disagrees is wrong, dumb, the enemy), but I dont remember the bandanas
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Man, this thread went down faster than Michael Jackson at a daycare center.
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Five hours into his first night in new york Olaf steps into a bar and orders 10 double shots of finlandia, straight up. The bartender pours 10 doubles and lines 'em up. From left to right; Olaf works down the line.
As he finishes the 10th double shot the barkeep asks "So, whatcha celebrating?"
Olaf solemly states "My first american blow job."
"well, hell;" sez the barkeep, "..let me buy yah one!"
"Noooo.. that's fine of you, but I think not. If 10 didn't kill the taste, 11 won't do any good."
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Originally posted by weaselsan
The term redneck was derived from coal miners from the Virginia coal mines that attempted to unionize in the 1920's. The mine owners paid thugs to break the strike and several people where killed. As a result the miners (of which many where WWI vets) formed armed groups. To tell who was miners during shootouts the miners wore red bandanas around their necks and where first referred to as rednecks by the mine owners hired guns.
It has since been used to mean generally anyone from Appalachia. Or anyone who lives that lifestyle.
I think you and Shuckins oughta compare notes.
To what lifestyle are you referring? Red bandanas around our necks? Hired by mine owners?
Thanks for playing.
"Redneck" is an attitude. An attitude derivative of the rural life. From simple and sometimes stupid ways of enjoying one's self when there's little else to do to the macabre: "Wow, I would have never thought of that" ingenuity that can define the "common" in the everyday rural American.
The same everyday common American that can kick any foreign bellybutton known on the friggin planet, OK?
The jokes in this here thread are something of a high form of flattery. I enjoy the heck out of 'em.
h
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Screw Snopes, I got a dictionary. (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=redneck)
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Originally posted by Horn
The same everyday common American that can kick any foreign bellybutton known on the friggin planet, OK?
Wow. Now that really should be in the dictionary under 'redneck.' :)
BTW, ever been outside the US, Horn? Might be good entertainment to watch you say that in a bar in Australia, New Zealand, UK , Ireland, Germany, Russia, Norway, too many to list. ;)
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as usual curval... you missed my point. I have no problem at all with rednecks being made fun of. I just think that colored folks are about 10 times easier to make fun of.
I figure everyone is fair game. You are the one who doesn't. I find it really strange that you haven't protested the hurtful and biggoted non PC jokes.
If anyone even hinted that colored folks might be excellent material for the butt of a joke you would get all fluffed up and self rightious.
just seems a tad hypocritical to me but then...
I really didn't expect any different.
lazs
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I have no problem with jokes lazs. Jokes aren't really your forte though...you are better at blaming all of societies problems on "coloured folk".
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Originally posted by Rolex
Wow. Now that really should be in the dictionary under 'redneck.' :)
Just my point.
BTW, ever been outside the US, Horn? Might be good entertainment to watch you say that in a bar in Australia, New Zealand, UK , Ireland, Germany, Russia, Norway, too many to list. ;)
That would be entertainment? Heck no, it would be a slaughter. They wouldn't stand a chance. Besides, we've already kicked butt in some of those places :)
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curval... where did I ever blame any problem (much less societies which I care not at all about) on "colored folks"?
If I have blamed certain ones of them for certain problems then it was for a good reason. That reason being.... they were at fault.
I find it humorous that you can say the redneck word but the "n" word burns your toungue like a hot coal. Try to think for a change.
lazs
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I have always wondered about the double standard language taboos prevelant in this country surrounding the 'n' word.
actually.. 'wondered' is a poor choice of word in itself.
restated: I have always considered the double standard language taboo surrounding the use of the 'n' word by anyone white vs the use of the same word by anyone black. it's assinine.
I've seen plenty of 'n' types, both white and black.
IMHO, we should ALL be able to call 'em like we see 'em.
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hang... curval sees no problem with that... and that is what makes me "wonder"
lazs
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Originally posted by lazs2
curval... where did I ever blame any problem (much less societies which I care not at all about) on "colored folks"?
Gun crime. "Nuff said.
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curval... If I said that colored folk commit 48% of all homicides even tho they are, what, 15% of the population? how could you not say that colored folk were a main cause of gun crime in the U.S.?
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/race.htm#ovrace
The rate is like 5 times higher than white. This is a very real problem that can be attributed to one race.
I care not why this is so.... only that it is. I find someone saying that it is not true to be very disturbing. To come up with half baked apologist theories is only slightly less disturbing.
Facts are facts.
you could also look at who is killing who.... look at the site. It is black who are killing black.... they also kill whites.... very seldom do whites kill colored folk.
That may not be what you want to hear but take it up with the government site (BOJ) that printed the bad news or the FBI that gathered it.
Rednecks seem downright saintly in that light.
lazs
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Originally posted by lazs2
curval... where did I ever blame any problem (much less societies which I care not at all about) on "colored folks"?
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So you "DO" blame this problem on coloured folk?
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lazs-- this sort of relationship may indeed exist, but there is an implication of drawing a causal relationship through correlation that is invalid. For example, you could do a study that finds that 75% of serial killers are double-jointed. But it would be a fallacy to claim that double-jointedness causes serial murders.
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I cannot believe a thread, started with jokes (good ones too!) got to be so putrid. Lighten up folks. Politics has a place, but this thread was not one of them. Sheesh.