Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: easymo on October 24, 2001, 04:26:00 AM
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The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces
(Snake Model)
The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations or A Diversified Approach to Military Operations:
Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.
Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.
Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicures.
Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.
Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel voucher upon return.
Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5-series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.
Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALs kill Muslim extremist snakes.
Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.
Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.
Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.
Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.
Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.
Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)
Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.
F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses target due to weather.
AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red.
UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake starts bonfire to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into the fire.
B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.
Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.
Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.
Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.
CH-47 Pilot: Slingleg breaks in flight while slingloading anti-snake equiptment, pilot cuts slingload. Slingload lands on snake and kills it. Crew cheif uses dead snake to replace broken slingleg.
Navy Pilot: Draped snake around neck at Tail Hook to pick up chicks.
Military Police: Gave snake a sobriety test for not moving in a straight line.
Signal: Broadcasts 200,000+ watt transmissions in support of anti-snake missions, accidentally electrocuted snake in the process.
Corps of Engineers: Surveyed and researched area for plans on improving flood plain, cant do it because snake is on the endangered species list.
Cooks: Snake sneaks in chow hall. Snake dies of food poisoning.
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Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage
that would be Soviet field artillary :D
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Wobble, at least Soviet air force don't have a habbit of bombing friendly troops in every battle they are involved.
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Nah, they just blow airliners.. like KAL 007; right outta the sky.
Hey Boroda, Grunherz missed a spot. I see yer ear ain't been pissed in.
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Originally posted by Boroda:
Wobble, at least Soviet air force don't have a habbit of bombing friendly troops in every battle they are involved.
No, but the Soviet Army has a long and grand tradition of shooting their own soldiers if they try to retreat.
Cobra
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No, but the Soviet Army has a long and grand tradition of shooting their own soldiers if they try to retreat.
I guess they inherited it from grand tradition of any other army both in Europe and US. But they stop short of charging their own country $700/toilet seat. A line's gotta be drawn somewhere :D
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a) There is no Soviet Army for last 10 years.
b) Yes, there were shootings at retreating soldiers, but only at so-called "penalty batallions", that contained from people sentenced for crimes. Instead of executing they were sent to penalty batallions to "wash off their guilt with blood". They were returned to regular duty after a wound or recieving an award for heroism. There wasn't anything like that scene in "Enemy at the Gates".
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Yeah, KAL 007 at least had deviated from its flight route. Could have been worse; it could have been a regularly scheduled "F-14" climbing out over the Gulf.
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How quickly people forget but a US Navy ship did shoot down a Iranian airliner.
just a fact...
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Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.
naw, the Marines get drunk in some foreign bar then scare the snake to death when they make passes at it after mistaking it for some 16 year old girl! :eek:
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Originally posted by Boroda:
There wasn't anything like that scene in "Enemy at the Gates".
Suuuuurrrrre...
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What do you think ...
http://www.devvy.com/kal007_19991120.html (http://www.devvy.com/kal007_19991120.html)
was Michel Brun KGB agent or Soviet officer ?
Anyone read this one ?
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1568580541/roysrussianresou/107-8108785-9529304 (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1568580541/roysrussianresou/107-8108785-9529304)