Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Nash on July 29, 2006, 10:35:49 PM
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What's up with this?
There's this salesman that comes around every few days to pick up new work, shoot the **** etc. He's an okay guy and all, and funny as hell. He turns the lamest stories into the funniest frickin' thing that you've ever heard in your whole life.
The problem is..... is that he inches up and the next thing ya know, he's like right in your face. A foot away. Twelve inches or so. That seems to be his comfort zone. That's the distance he needs to truly operate from.
So what do ya do? I nod politely, and casually take a step back.... but.. BAM! He's right back in your face. I step back, he inches forward.
This aint a gay thing I don't think. This guy is all married up and I've seen lots of people who do this who are far from teh ghey. It's just a behavioral thing..... or someone who has no sense of boundaries. Or something.
Do these kinds of people annoy the hell out of you like they do me? Or, have you even had any experience with this kind of person?
On Friday morning I told him: "Hey man, back the **** up - yer freakin' me out."
It didn't even phase him. He kinda laughed, I stepped back, and he continued to tell his story, and the next thing ya know he was right back in my face like nothin' happened.
Anyways... Somebody here must have run into the same kinda thing.
Or.... what other traits do you find annoying about a person? There's gotta be something.....
It's Saturday night, we're stuck with each other, the BBS is lame right now.... so what the hell?
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Some cultures do not recognize a "personal space". What's his nationality?
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That would drive me crazy, I couldnt stand anyone within 12 inches of me
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Next time, you should plant a big wet kiss on him. That should solve it.:eek:
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If I had to guess, he would be from the heart of Trenton, New Jersey. White guy, probably some Italian in there somewhere.
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Actually, he being a salesman, this isn't surprising. It's a way of being ontop of a situation, so to speak. He knows he has the upper hand when he gets into the personal space of other people. Kind of like a power trip if you know what I mean. Typical. I hate salesmen like that. Worked with plenty of them in a dealership. That technique worked damn good too with people who were weak minded.
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If he or his parents are from Italy that might explain it.
http://www.lifeinitaly.com/potpourri/business2.asp
"Good manners and courtesy are essential in Italy; above all, considerateness is highly rated. Plan on shaking hands upon arriving and departing. As your relationship grows, embraces are not uncommon and signify a level of intimacy. Personal space is at a premium when people interact in Italy. Large hand gestures, freely flowing emotions and close personal contact are often present in Italian conversations. Avoid moving away or keeping your distance as this can be perceived as unfriendly. Italians are often guided by their emotions, establishing a business relationship based on trust is vital for a successful business negotiation."
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Whenever this guy comes by set the stage so you have a physical barrier between you a counter, desk or drafting table anything to define space. You've already given the guy notice to stand back from you. He hasn't complied so use the ergonomics of your workplace to force him to stay away. If he comes around the barrier than don't feel bashfull about gently pushing him back and telling him again to stand back.
Stand edge on to him with your strong hand side away from him. It's a fairly obvious body language cue that you are not comfortable and are taking a defensive posture. If that also doesn't get it done reduce all the contact with him you can. If it is not absolutely necessary that you deal with him simply tell him to leave. You have been nice about it get firm and make it stick.
His sense of humor may be nice but not if it comes at a price.
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Originally posted by DiabloTX
Actually, he being a salesman, this isn't surprising. It's a way of being ontop of a situation, so to speak. He knows he has the upper hand when he gets into the personal space of other people. Kind of like a power trip if you know what I mean. Typical. I hate salesmen like that. Worked with plenty of them in a dealership. That technique worked damn good too with people who were weak minded.
Yep
I've run into a few salesmen like that.
I think the idea is to make themselves so annoyingly distracting that you can't really pay attention to anyone or anything but them. a captive audience ploy.
They can sell you on something and just start on the pitch, pointing out all the pluses while detracting you from noticing any minus’s on your own.
I guess some don't know how to shut it off when they aren't working.
He doesn't sell timeshares does he?
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Offer him a breath mint. Maybe that'll back him up. ;)
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Do the opposite, consume excessive amounts of garlic... my missus uses that trick.
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Jesus Nash, you're such a Canadian.
Originally posted by Nash
What's up with this?
There's this salesman that comes around every few days to pick up new work, shoot the **** etc. He's an okay guy and all, and funny as hell.
No, he's not an "okay guy". He's a bully and an ******* and should be treated as such.
The problem is..... is that he inches up and the next thing ya know, he's like right in your face. A foot away. Twelve inches or so. That seems to be his comfort zone. That's the distance he needs to truly operate from.
Bugs the heck out me, so do people that come up on the street and start talking at me. They inflict themselves on me because they are self-centered and don't give a **** if I want to be party to it.
So what do ya do? I nod politely, and casually take a step back.... but.. BAM! He's right back in your face. I step back, he inches forward.
You don't nod politely and casually take a step back. You look him right in the eye and tell him he is crossing the boundary. For example with talk inflicters I interupt and say, "Excuse me, I don't want to have this conversation.". They usually look put out, but **** 'em they where putting me out with any due consideration.
or someone who has no sense of boundaries. Or something.
If he has no sense of boundaries, it's because people are "polite" and don't tell him when he is crossing them. Mores the pity.
On Friday morning I told him: "Hey man, back the **** up - yer freakin' me out."
It didn't even phase him. He kinda laughed, I stepped back, and he continued to tell his story, and the next thing ya know he was right back in my face like nothin' happened.
So even if he had no sense of boundaries he mocked your discomfortature, and proceded to continue his behaviour (instead of apologising and adapting his behaviour. He's ****ing with you Nash.
You've used rational discourse to try and influence him (informing him his behaviour that you find discomforting and requested he stop...although somewhat colloquially). The next step is to attempt to influence him through threat of sanction. "I've asked you once to stop getting in my face and you have ignored me, apparently you don't give a crap about how it bugs me. If you don't stop getting in my face I'll have to....". I'll leave what the sanction is up to you. I don't know your full relationship with this dork, maybe simple self-exclusion will work. Maybe you have to work with this guy. Maybe you can influence his sales if he is selling product to your company. Request and different rep, who knows.
Or you can be "polite" to this guy who is acting like a jerk and apparently doesn't give a **** that it bugs you. However, I have found that most people being "polite" really aren't, but are instead are ascared of standing up for themselves.
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The garlic is a good idea. I was going to suggest eating a large bowl of chili, a few boiled eggs and a 6 pack or so of beer. When he violates your "comfort zone" let loose a homemade WMD (Wind of Mass Destruction). Trust me, he WILL back the f up.
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Originally posted by Nash
If I had to guess, he would be from the heart of Trenton, New Jersey. White guy, probably some Italian in there somewhere.
Well that would explain it
Be careful. They even been shooting the crossing guards in Trenton these days.
What you gotta do is get right back in his face.
But keep looking him right in the eye. But keep a deadly serious
Staring people right in the eyes freaks most people out reguardless of distance.
I subconciously do it and haveto try to remember not to.
I never noticed it untill my wife pointed it out to me.
she tells me I have this super intence stare and
She says "You look at people as though you are going to kill them."
Needless tosay I usually dont have a problem with people getting in my face LOL
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Ha - that's interesting Drediock. More on that in a sec....
But first - lets not get carried away folks.... It's an annoying personal trait that many people share - not anything that keeps me up at night. I aint intimidated or frightened - it's just a weird sort of pain in the arse.
Totally interesting, though, that this thing seems to be common with sales guys. It didn't even occur to me that this was some kind of technique. It's also interesting that this is a cultural thing as well. I'm gonna find out what the deal is with that on Monday and report back to y'all.
Back to your thing, Dred, I remember reading this article that someone did on Clinton. The journalist spent 45 minutes interviewing him, and was completely blown away by the fact that from the initial handshake to the exit handshake, Clinton didn't break eye contact a single time.
45 minutes straight eye contact. He said Clinton was perfectly lucid, answering every question down to the most miniscule detail....
....yet his eyes were like lasers pointed at the guy.
He tells of watching Clinton drinking from a glass of water, and Clinton's eyes were still looking at him through the bottom of the glass as he drank.
I don't even know what to make of that.
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Jeebus Nash....been there done that.
Just piss on his shoes while he's wearing'em. He'll figure out right away he's to close and probably never go near ya again.
Heck, it worked for me once!
RTR
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Originally posted by Nash
Ha - that's interesting Drediock. More on that in a sec....
But first - lets not get carried away folks.... It's an annoying personal trait that many people share - not anything that keeps me up at night. I aint intimidated or frightened - it's just a weird sort of pain in the arse.
Totally interesting, though, that this thing seems to be common with sales guys. It didn't even occur to me that this was some kind of technique. It's also interesting that this is a cultural thing as well. I'm gonna find out what the deal is with that on Monday and report back to y'all.
Back to your thing, Dred, I remember reading this article that someone did on Clinton. The journalist spent 45 minutes interviewing him, and was completely blown away by the fact that from the initial handshake to the exit handshake, Clinton didn't break eye contact a single time.
45 minutes straight eye contact. He said Clinton was perfectly lucid, answering every question down to the most miniscule detail....
....yet his eyes were like lasers pointed at the guy.
He tells of watching Clinton drinking from a glass of water, and Clinton's eyes were still looking at him through the bottom of the glass as he drank.
I don't even know what to make of that.
Well in Clintons case he was probably trying to figure a way to get them under his desk :D
I usualy dont do it intentionally and I actually have to conciously think about it not to do it.
It unnerves people.
Though I do admit I will occasionaly do it on purpose.....
Because it un nerves people LOL
but I'd say 99% of the time I am completely unaware I am doing it
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Holy crap Nash, of ALL people I figured you'd studied body language a little than what your cards show.
Eye contact is the number 1 way of getting and keeping someone's attention and it also conveys, ahem, truthfulness. That's why the "He looked me straight in the eye and told me..." came from, but I figure you know that.
An easy way to tell if someone is lying is eye contact or lack thereof. Typically if someone is lying they look away, it's a natural response. HOWEVER, if you are familiar with this and look some straight in the eye at all times, even through the bottom of a glass, it indicates over-compensating of one's point or message. Take that as you want. Do some research, you'll see. Body language is critical to communication. It's fun stuff to learn about.
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I used to have a friend that used to demonstrate things on me. We could be playing hockey and he'd talk about a kid hitting him in the chin with a stick and "He went like this and (as he s'lices my throat') did this". This kid was also a very enthusiastic liar. A few weeks before I moved from that neighborhood I told him to back off. Granted he was 2 years older in school then myself, we were the same height so that was all it took for him to calm down.
My dad does the same thing Dred does with his eyes, i've been told I do it too. I guess most people will alternate looking into another person's eyes, but my dad and myself don't. Not sure, it's freaked a few people out.
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That is not true in all cultures, DiabloTX. Applying that impression throughout the world is a major cause of failed business alliances and lost opportunities. Just sayin'...
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The guy doesn't try to crush your hand or not let go after a couple shakes does he? Maverick gave good advice. I dunno what to say. You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable at the workplace. Dunno if you guys are good friends or not.
From a purely defensive point of view, Mav is right on. Gotta be friendly, but you don't have to take it either. Especially at the workplace.
Les
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Pull out the ole Buck , open it and start cleaning your fingernails.
Works every time. :)
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Originally posted by Leslie
The guy doesn't try to crush your hand or not let go after a couple shakes does he? Maverick gave good advice. I dunno what to say. You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable at the workplace. Dunno if you guys are good friends or not.
From a purely defensive point of view, Mav is right on. Gotta be friendly, but you don't have to take it either. Especially at the workplace.
Les
Are you a female?
Purely curious
Did a job for a guy a few months ago whos handshake was like that.
Normally no problem.
but 20 some years ago I broke my hand and every once in a while when the weather is right it becomes sencitive.
Just had to tell him that fact straight up.
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That's kinda a serious question in here Dredlock. I'm not a female. I'm a wuss.:D
Until I started taking karate and I wasn't a wuss for 25 years. Now I'm back to wuss status unfortunately.
Les
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BTW, we actually had a lesson on how to deal with someone not giving up the handshake. Turn wrist (snap it downward...but subtely to disengage) and withdraw the hand and step back (or turn and leave.) Keep eyes on if turning.
Les
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Dredlock, I don't blame you buddy.:D Since you asked...fair is fair...though it may not be gentlemanly, I have always wondered if Nash was female. I dunno, just the logic. It's different.
Now I need to go ahead and make my will before it's too late.
Les
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Originally posted by Leslie
Dredlock, I don't blame you buddy.:D Since you asked...fair is fair...though it may not be gentlemanly, I have always wondered if Nash was female. I dunno, just the logic. It's different.
Now I need to go ahead and make my will before it's too late.
It was the whole "workplace" comment. Not the handshake.
Usually a statement I've heard women make.
Most men I know take the
Godfather (http://aolsearch.aol.com/aol/redir?src=singingfish&requestId=a61cec8be06b2537&clickedItemRank=1&userQuery=You+can+act+like+a+man&clickedItemURN=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jgeoff.com%2Fgodfather%2Fgf1%2Fram%2Factman.ram)
attitude
No offence
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I just said that because my workplace is no nonsense. I'm a bohemian artist.
Les
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I've been around many people that tried to be intimidating. Your best defense against that sort of behavior is don't let on that they are bothering you in the least. Someone gets in your personal space, don't flinch. You're already breathing the same air as them so what're you afraid of? Don't be.
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Draw a line on the floor, or come to work wearing a giant clear plastic bubble or something..
He doesn't sound aggressive or intimidating, just overzealous. If he keeps his cool despite you speaking your mind, I think it's got pretty good comic relief potential.