Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Curval on January 10, 2002, 08:37:00 AM
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My wife went for an ultra sound yesterday. The nurse took way too long while reviewing the pictures and my wife knew something was wrong. When she called me she had the story all mixed up from the technician as she was upset, so I called her maternity doctor myself. Her office told me that if there was a problem that the radiologist would call the doctors office right away...they had not heard anything so she said that I could assume everything was okay. So..I called my wife with the news...boy was she relieved.
Then at ten to five in the afternoon the doctor called me. There is a problem and one which is potentially life threatening for the baby.
I was supposed to be at a meeting at 6.30pm but I cancelled it....the ride home was the worst in my life....how do you tell your wife something like this..especially after telling her that everything was okay just hours before?
But...I had to.
What a long horrible night it was....both of us were a mess. We also felt so guilty because our two children couldn't figure out why mummy and daddy were so upset. It was really hard to try and act as if everything was fine for their benefit.
Now we have an appointment at 12.30 with the doctor, who will then tell us exactly what is wrong and give us our options. I can't think...can't work...I just have a bad, bad feeling.
I normally don't share such personal stuff...but I am at a loss as to what to do with myself.
[ 01-10-2002: Message edited by: Curval ]
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Prayers are with you man. :(
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Hold Your head up and know that the prayers of this great community are with you.
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Been there, I hope all turns out well. The prayers of my family are with you and yours.
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My wife and I went through the same thing a few months back. The ultra-sound took forever and they called a doctor in to review the results.
They were concerned about Spinabifida. We had to go for another ultra-sound and luckily they were wrong and it was nothing serious.
I hope all goes well for you and your wife.
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Thanks guys....I really appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
Tah Gut...I hope everything was fine in your case.
Skernsk...man I hope we have similar stories.
An hour to go.....
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By all means, man, please do not hesitate to share it with us.
We will offer you what empathy and support we can. Maybe even some helpfull advice.
You would not believe how many people among those you know have experienced similar problems - untill you tell them about yours. You can get lot of comfort from such people - whether they ended up OK or learned the ways to deal with failure that they can share with you.
It surely helped me a lot when my wife went through IVF (2 weeks waiting for the first ultrasound to indicate success or failure) and later then we got suspisious test results requiring amniocentesis. The week we waited for the results was the most nerve-wrecking one in our life.
How advanced is the pregnancy?
How old is your wife?
What is your religious credo?
miko
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Originally posted by skernsk:
My wife and I went through the same thing a few months back. The ultra-sound took forever and they called a doctor in to review the results.
They were concerned about Spinabifida. We had to go for another ultra-sound and luckily they were wrong and it was nothing serious.
I hope all goes well for you and your wife.
I have a 22 yr old step-brother that was born with bad spinalbifida. His spine was open to the air when he was born and he wasn't supposed to live through the night. Well he made it. Then he wasn't supposed to make it 6 months. 5 surgeries later, he made it. Then it was 6 years, he made it.
When my mom first married his father, I hated him (my brother) he was retarted, coulnd't walk or control any bodily function. He scared me, he was ugly and I couldn't stand to be near him. Then one day ,about a year after they married, I looked at him and for the first time he looked cute to me. I sat down and thought woah I love him, then I cried for the way I had treated him. He absolutely adored me from minute one and I couldn't stand him.
Well now he's 22 yrs old, living in his own living assisted apartment. I look back and realize how much about love and life that little retarted kid taught me. He still has speech problems, can't count money or tell time. But he emails me every other day :) He is also the happiest person I have ever known, nothing gets him down.
The reason I post this is to maybe let you know that sometimes what may seem like a curse from God could actually be a blessing. :)
U
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Wife is 13 weeks pregnant.
She is 34 years old.
I am a WASP...my wife is Buddist.
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Well, I'm off to meet my wife for the appointment..
Wish us luck..
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Thinking of you and your family, bro. <S>
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<drums fingers>
Is he back yet? How'd it go?
We're with ya, Curval. Hope all went well.
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<S>
prayers are with you & yours
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Just got back...doesn't look good guys.
We have to fly to Boston in the next couple of days to get more tests done...detailed scans etc.
If it is what they think it is we may have to abort the pregnancy.
[ 01-10-2002: Message edited by: Curval ]
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I wish I knew what to say...
I have learned a lot about pregnancy and birth in the past month. A month ago I spent a week in the hospital with my wife. Our 2nd daughter was born 6 weeks early... (and doing very well now).
I talked to many doctors, nurses and new or expecting parents. It seems that kids are pretty darn fragile untill they get close to their due date. A lot don't make it.
One nurse in particular told us that it seems like the best parents are often given the greatest challenges in respect to the health of their newborns, and those who could care less almost always have perfectly healthy babies.
Anyway, my only advice is to remember that your wife is #1, be there for her even if you feel that you need her to be there for you. And then do the same for your 2 kids.
Good luck Curval,
I'll be thinking about you and you family.
eskimo
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I have a brother that was a PK child. Never mind what the acronym stands for, it amounts to his being unable to process certain proteins. He was born in a time when tests for PK were rare, and by the time his was caught it was too late. He suffered mental retardation as a result.
Mom might have aborted him had she known. Here's the odd thing though; since Dad died, the two of them live together in the house. Without him there I don't know what Mom would do. He is mentally 9-10 years-old, and is the sweetest soul I know. He is what would appear to be a hardship to some, but I see him as a blessing.
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I spent a little over 5 years as a Special Education teacher back in the late 70's early 80's. Kieran is absolutely right. I never, ever met a developementally disabled (that means disabled in any way prior to reaching maturity in PC) person that didn't have a value and their own gifts to add to humanity. I never had a day of work without a good laugh. A persons value cannot be measured by IQ, or physical ability.
I hope all turns out well for you Curval, just remember that sometimes what you think is a curse is actually a blessing.
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Hey Curval, my wife is about 13 weeks pregnant also. My thoughts and hopes are with you.
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My wife and I thank all of you for your thoughts and support...the timing of this was such that practically all of my friends are overseas and even my parents are off-island right now. I had no-one to talk this out with except the wife and her parents (who are visting at the moment)...so it was kind of tough. When I told my wife that I posted this thread I was a bit concerned that she would be upset, but she was great about it...she said at least I could chat to someone...turns out I get a bunch of "someones"...
As far as what I mentioned about aborting the pregnacy...it really isn't an issue of choice. The baby "appears" to have only one ventracle (sp?) to its brain. In most cases the babies that have this condition do not go full term and even if it did the chances of any kind of life (other than in a vegetative state) are extremely remote.
The only real hope is that the technicians and the doctor who reviewed the ultra sound are wrong...to be fair the ultra sound pictures are not clear at all (in general) and the fact is that they could easily be misread. But, we have prepared ourselves for the worst...they took an awful lot of pictures and two qualified people see the problem. All we can do is hope and pray.
[ 01-10-2002: Message edited by: Curval ]
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Its got to remind you how much you appreciate your family all that much more, reading this thread has certainly reminded me how much I love and appreciate mine.
Hang in there, its got to get better.
eskimo
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I was a preme...and I tell ya it was hard on my parents to not see me for 14 days since I was in ICU...hang in there bud...my prayers are with you...
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The most important thing is that you both can conceive and give birth to healthy children and have already been blessed with two.
Luckily we live in time and place where infant deaths are extreme exception rather then rule and danger to woman's life is not even considered.
Just recently the opposite was the norm. Our ancestors dealt with that - often more then once, so it can be borne.
In trying to conceive our child I learned much more about conception and fetal problems then I ever wanted to know. We really did not consider that we were having a baby until we got the good results of amnio back on the 17th week - we did not refer to it as child, did not consider naming and did not tell anyone other then two people who could understand us.
My thoughts were that whatever happened that time was not as important as the fact that my wife an I could conceive a baby - we knew that we could always repeat if we failed, as long as we did not allow a single failure ruin the rest of our lives.
Check what the doctors are doing but do not delay or try to deceive yourselves - clear cut decision and closure will be much easier on your wife. The waiting is the worst and the doctors know what they are doing. There are things that are beyong our control and the best you can do is make sure your wife is not blaming herself in any way or falls into a bad depression. You children and plans for future will be great comfort to her.
Speaking of the topic header it not nearly true - your year might have started with sorrow but it will be full of love and happiness no matter what, so it's not really FUBAR by a long shot.
Wishing you and you family well.
miko
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The insurance company did not get back to me with
appointment details on Friday, so I will probably hear
when and where on Monday.
This really has thrown us "for a loop", but we are
gradually coming to terms with it and are prepared for
whatever happens in the US. My wife has been "like a
rock" once the initial emotion passed...although I
have made every effort to not upset her or stress her
out in any way. Her mother and step-father are here
right now by chance so we have been lucky to get alot
of help at home with the two boys etc.
We just never thought something like this would
happen. We had two healthy and smart kids...we just
figured this was gonna be the same. Our biggest
concern was that we really wanted a girl...but would
not really care if we had another boy.
I guess life throws us all a curve-ball at various
times in our lives and it is our turn now.
We will get through this and we now actually have a
new appreciation for the two healthy children we
have...they have been Lana's lifeline in all of this.
Anyway, when I know more I will let you know what is
happening.
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My wife had a misscarage not long back. We was waiting over a week to find out weather or not she had lost it. We are Both ok now but hit us for six when it happen.
Hope all goes well for you and your wife i will be thing about the 4 of you.
all the best
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:(
GL Curval, here's hoping those doctors are quacks and have got it all wrong.
(http://www.swoop.com/images/logo_small.jpg)
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Am praying and thinking about you and your family. Be strong as your strength is important.
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Still no word from the insurance company...I'm starting to get very annoyed with them. While it may be difficult to get an appointment quickly I have been unable to reach anyone there who can give me an update on their efforts. The contact I have seems to ignore her phone...she got back to me once late on Friday after four messages that I left only to tell me that she hasn't heard from the people in Boston.
So..here I sit waiting for the phone to ring...AGAIN.
I had to put off a trip to our office in the Carribean that I was supposed to go on Sunday.....I need to get there to review the systems and financial procedures performed by a staff member who is leaving the island for good on Feb 1. If I don't get there I may wind up not understanding how certain things were done and/or recorded....a situation that is bound to cause problems in the future. Obviously this is less of a priority than my wife and the current situation...but it is still important and I cannot plan anything until I have my travel details to Boston ironed out.
Frustration builds.......
As soon as I hear what is going on I will book two extra tickets for the trip mentioned above. I am going to bring the wife and my eldest son with me (the youngest will stay with his grandmother) and the three of us are gonna have a break after all the work is done, no matter how things turn out.
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Curval,
Not sure if this is relevant, but I live near a Hospital called Loma Linda University. They have always been in the forefront in infant care including heart transplants and even prenatal surgury. It may be worth a try to give them a call.
Loma Linda University, Loma Linda CA. USA
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Thanks for the thought midnight (and 1776, Swoop and everyone else...)
As this is an insurance issue now I am at their mercy.....
They say Boston...it's Boston.
I may look into that place in California if we are not satisfied with what is said there...
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Finally heard from the insurance company - they were actually working quite hard on our situation and we have since found out that everything is covered 100%...even my airline ticket.
We leave for Boston on Thursday.
Anyone know where there is a good hotel near 750 Washington Street in Boston?
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whoops, double post!
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Originally posted by Jenga
http://www.discountbostonhotels.com/boston/doubletree-downtown.htm
This is probably the nearest! Sorry I don't have a personal recommendation!
Also, have a look at this..
http://www.bostonmagazine.com/archive/topob.shtml
Wishing you best results
Jenga
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Jenga - I just got back from lunch and saw your post. I was on the internet checking it out when the phone rang...it was the insurance rep calling to give me some potential hotels...the first one she mentioned was the one you had the link to...:)
Just made the booking.....thanks man, I appreciate it, especially since you are in London!
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"thanks man"
:D Jenga is my fiancee........and will be most pleased at being mistaken for a guy. Doesnt happen very often. lol.
(http://www.swoop.com/images/logo_small.jpg)
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:o
Sorry about that Jenga......
As you live in Amsterdam (I assume that is right as I know Swoop does...gee wonder which post I got that info from;) ) I very much doubt I would mistake you for a man in person. Dutch women are very beautiful from my personal experience.
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I could debate that point. ;)
However, Jenga is British and lives in London......it's just me that's daft enough to live abroad with all these Cloggies.
Jenga is absolutely demon at finding stuff out on the web, I just dont have the patience she does. :). If ya need anything else just ask mate, I'm sure she's happy to help.
(http://www.swoop.com/images/logo_small.jpg)
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lol.
True, it does help when the boss is out of the office all day though.....
;)
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Good luck Curval, the Nelsons will say a prayer tonight before bed for you and your family.
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Okay...I'll just keep quiet now.....I keep digging myself a deeper hole.
Seriously though, thanks alot....
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Curval
Absolutely horrible. :(
just yesterday i drove to meat my girl friend at the doctor for her first ultra-sound.. i was so damn nervous on the way there i thought i was going to puke.
I cannot fathom how you feal
please feal free to continue posting, we are all anxious to help. Dont feal like your burdening anyone with your problems, no one would feal that way.
I wish you the best of luck my friend
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Amon,
Congratulations!
Hope all goes well.
Swoop, Jenga,
Congratulations to you two as well!
Curval,
Good luck.
I know what you mean by being at the mercy of the insurance companies. We had several financial scares that our last pregnancy/birth would not be covered. Stay on top of things, document everything, read everything. Insurance companies make a lot of money by tricking people into thinking that they are covered, and then throwing in a loophole and leaving the customer out to dry. Make sure that you are covered.
Brigitta is going to cost about 35K! (We'll only pay about $1700, whew.)
I have a friend who had a 50K baby, and another who had twins that cost over 100K.
Don't mean to worry you, just watch out.
eskimo
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Amon,
I hope that this post didn't cause all of your concerns yesterday and I hope everything was fine for you guys.
When the wife went for this ultra-sound we just thought it would be routine....this was a complete shock and surprise.
Ripsnort,
Thanks man.....all prayers are appreciated.
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eskimo2,
I hear ya man....I have checked everything out as best that I can and we appear to be okay. They have actually pre-approved all of the medical costs and even provided us with a contact in the US for us to deal directly with...the only real concern is going to be reimbursement for airline tickets and hotel costs - but even with that I have a letter signed by them stating that it is covered.
Typical insurance company nonesense with one thing though....should my wife have to be hospitalised for any reason MY hotel and tickets will NOT be covered as soon as she is admitted.....strange.
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I don't belong to any particular religion, but I'll say a heartfelt prayer to whatever god/s are out there to watch over you and your family. This is terrible :(.
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Curval!
My and the rest of the Swager family best wishes are with you!!
My wife's child bearing problems were not serious but when the doctors want to do something different it shocks your whole world!!
Hang on tight and have faith!
If ya ever want to private e-mail me just to communicate, please do!! I'll chat with ya!! Good Luck!!
Swager
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We are off to Boston in a couple of hours.
Thanks all....wish us luck,
Curval
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GL mate. Find an internet point in Boston and let us know how you get on.
(http://www.swoop.com/images/logo_small.jpg)
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Thanks Swoop...will do (if I have time)
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I'm hoping for the best for you and your family. Dunno what else to say...
bro
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:(
I feel sorry for you Curval, i remember my mother having 3 miscarriges (spelling?) before my little brother came to earth, i dont know where she got the spirit to keep on trying :(
Regards.