Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: north on September 25, 2006, 10:56:27 PM
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I'm getting married next month.
Can't stop thinking of " am I doing the right thing?"
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I thought the same thing when I first got married, and 3 years later I realised I done the wrong thing and shouldnt of never got married. I really screwed up my life on that one
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LOL....Me too after 35 years.....still have second thots..........
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I have the same thoughts shopping for milk. Whole or fat free....???
Hmmm....
Oh, and P.S., marriage DOES change everything.
Trust me on that one.
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that was disgracefully obscene
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My only piece of advice, and this comes from unfortunate experience... If you love her, do NOT let her see this thread.
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north, been married 12 years, has its ups and downs.
but if it wasn't for her I'd be dead, she reeled me in alittle.
not to mention she still looks great and makes a good living.
Can't cook worth a watermelon though, so it's about the sex and the money.lol
Her bannana meatloaf was to die for.....literally
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but pretty funny
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well, she is not perfect, but who is?
I love her and I try to show it to her every day, so she won't go to look for it somewhere else. We've been through alot, but every time I'm about to loose her I realize that I'm nothing without her, that she is my future and my past and my everything.
I just don't think we need this paper to know that we belong to each other.:)
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Originally posted by north
...I just don't think we need this paper to know that we belong to each other.:)
chicks like that kinda stuff.
thats just how they roll
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chicks like that kinda stuff.
thats just how they roll
her ex was a f**n jerk, who lied to her, humiliated her, beated her:mad:
will this paper make her feel more secure with me?
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Originally posted by Debonair
chicks like that kinda stuff.
thats just how they roll
Yeah cause that paper locks them to your wallet.
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Put it to you this way: I thought my marriage was the most airtight one ever.
Guess what? I was wrong.
Girl I am seeing now has been married twice. She never wants to get married again. My kinda gal...
Oh, AND she DOESN'T want to move in with me.
Sweet!!!
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ok north for your own piece of mind squelch doobs,DiabloTX, bccee and meatwad. sure many more to follow.
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He shouldn't ask a question he may not want to hear the answer to.
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Originally posted by north
chicks like that kinda stuff.
thats just how they roll
her ex was a f**n jerk, who lied to her, humiliated her, beated her:mad:
will this paper make her feel more secure with me?
what part of "thats just how they roll" do you not understand?
(http://www.outleted.com/webpics/c4wnd.jpg)
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Dont do it.
If you do you will realise that San Quinten probably has a more relaxed atmosphere and you will be driven more crazy then the nuttiest of nuts at Bellview
Envision this. Now you come and go as you please. You get angry, your in a bad mood, you can just go away. Same if she is in a bad mood.
Once your maried there is no escape. Your stuck in the same house.
If you go anywhere you have to let her know where. With some women you even have to ask permission.
Now think about that. Isnt that what you had to do with mommy when you were a child?
And god forbid you come home late.
Mommy might ground you.
A wife canmake you long for days of when you just got grounded
Usually you end up living with a lunatic at least 1 week out of the month.
And its never pretty.
Just wait till you say something innocent like "Man what a nice day it is today"
That will get met with . "Yea nice for you maybe. I'm glad you ($(*@) think so!"
Or you say somethig really simple like "the sky is blue"
andyou get a responce of "Whats that supposed to mean??"
You will say. "Nothing. Just that the sky is blue"
And she will retort....(ok everyone has heard this one before so join right in)
"THATS NOT THE WAY YOU SAID IT"
As though the simple statement of "the sky is blue" has some sort of hidden meaning that is intended to be derogatory towards her
and make no doubts about it. Women ARE lunatics.
What else but a lunatic would dare get in a persons face who can easily kill them.
then they will ask you the most rediculous questions.
"what would you do if I Die?" is my all time favorite
Or questions there is no correct answer to
such as "You like my new hairdoo?"
If you say it looks fine she will say she doesnt like it and if you say you dont like it, she will become highly offended.
the only correct answer is a non answeer. in short. just grunt
And. "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Again, correct answer grunt
Dont even think of telling her she looks fat in it. THAT my friend will start WWIII
And dont dare tell her she looks fine if she doesnt. Just grunt
Oh and they seem to have a thing. On the rare occasion you get sex anymore. Right afterwords she will wnt ot talk about stuff like, The bills, Or other domestic duties. Or any othe subject you will be least interested in talking about at that time.
I could go on. and on, and on. As Im only sraping the surface
But in a nutshell thats pretty much what your in for
If you decide you want ot get married anyway. Remember two things.
Never never ever marry someone with less of a sexual appetite then you do.
And on holidays. XMas. Mothers say, or your anniversary.
NEVER NEVER forget to get her a card.
You can get away with not getting a gift every now and again. But NEVER will you get away without getting a card.
You could buy a $100,000 necklace but if you forget the card. You might as well have goten that necklace out of a cracker jack box
Now think about it.
Every word I have said is true. And I only scratched the surface.
you REALLY wanna sign up for that?
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ok north unsquelch me and squelch the following, Drediock, Diablo again(only cause the responses are unbalanced)
let him join the club........ahhhh helll squelch me again
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And if you really feel brave when she asks "do these clothes make me look fat?" tell her the clothes have nothing to do with it:O
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Originally posted by north
well, she is not perfect, but who is?
I love her and I try to show it to her every day, so she won't go to look for it somewhere else. We've been through alot, but every time I'm about to loose her I realize that I'm nothing without her, that she is my future and my past and my everything.
I just don't think we need this paper to know that we belong to each other.:)
North...You say everytime YOU are about to lose her? Is that always the case? Has there ever been a time when SHE was about to lose YOU? If so, did she feel, and react the same way as you?
just something to think about....
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Originally posted by cav58d
North...You say everytime YOU are about to lose her? Is that always the case? Has there ever been a time when SHE was about to lose YOU? If so, did she feel, and react the same way as you?
just something to think about....
she doesn't trust men...I'm not afraid of losing HER, but her trust and openness. She is very social and friendly, but she've never done anything behind my back - in that I'm sure.
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Marriage is a vocation. All I have is bad past experience; and today, a firm conviction that the first sentence is true. Best to explore marriage from that angle if at all possible.
Regards,
hap
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I can't believe that small piece of paper changes so many things:confused:
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You bet your bellybutton it does.
Many people make a living exploiting that piece of paper.
$50k marriages and $1mil divorces.
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One thing you should never do is to rush into it. Think every thing out and takeit slowly from the start. Mine failed because we rushed into it and then realised how different both of us are. I really dont want to get into the long story but its from experience.
If you have doubts now, you will have more of them further on
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Mine failed because we rushed into it and then realised how different both of us are.
We are similar and different at the same time. But aren't trust and partnership the most important components of the relationship? I mean we share the same values...
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Originally posted by Neubob
My only piece of advice, and this comes from unfortunate experience... If you love her, do NOT let her see this thread.
How will she know that I love her then?
Dont you think that if you intend to be someone else in your relationship you better call it quit at the very begining?
I want to be myself when married. Or is it some kind of rules I have to follow?
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hey north.
if you can't be yourself in marriag, then dont marry.
In my experience, alot of women are like the others have described, but not all women.
my current girl friend, lives in a seperate house from me even after 4 years seeing each other.
when she asks what clothes look like i just give the flat answer 'they look chit, fat arse'. after she got used to this not being a real insult it now saves me the trouble of thinking of an answer as she expects this retort. :p
i dont spend money on her ever, and she not on me. we have a £10 ($17) limit on birthday and christmas which is amazingly fun, and i never buy her cards.
she agrees with me that valentines day is another pimp day for the card companies. thats another one gone.
she understands that as my girl shes has.....er...certain physical obligations to me. yes there are women out there that dont consider themselves the one that deserves the speacial treatment. this girl actually wants to please me to stop me fooling around with anyone else. but then i do the same for her.
her period is never a problem, she simply tells me to 'not bother seeing her till next thursday' as we 'cant have any fun anyhow'
she earns more than me, and has never once expected me to pay for anything out of turn. I buy the first round of drinks she buys the next.
shes swears she doesnt want kids or marriage till 35-40 years old (that gives us about 10-15 years more fun)
then again, shes has been an evil b1tch to me on many occasions, and ive shouted at her like no one else ive been mad at.
hmm, im getting on a bit now, better stop.
all im saying is, there is the perfect girl for you out there somewhere. DONT marry just because you got nothing better right now, marry cos you KNOW its the right thing.
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if she's good in bed and lets you play AH, you done good.
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Originally posted by north
We are similar and different at the same time. But aren't trust and partnership the most important components of the relationship? I mean we share the same values...
Happiness is also a big part of the marriage. If one or both parties are not happy, then things will degrade and get bad fast. Neither one of us was happy anymore, therefore we both wanted out and to go our separate ways
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You need more advice from flight sim nerds...
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post pics!!!
honestly we cant really make a INFORMED decision and give sound advice without knowing ALL the ummmm variables....yeah thats the ticket....
Pic of her should have minimal clothing if possible BUT, not to little otherwise we gonna get the skuzzman in here who IS married and .....well anyway ya look at it, it wont be a good thing!!:O
seriously tho, all I can really tell ya is something my old grandpappy once told me regarding marriage: Marriage is a institution and love is blind.....so why would ya want to join a instituition for the blind?:huh
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Someone posted this link in another thread, and I thought I should post it here as well...
http://www.nomarriage.com
Granted, the site IS obviously biased against marriage. But to be frank, there's a LOT of truth in there.
If you read this site and can see your GF becoming one of the creatures described therein, you have your answer...
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Originally posted by north
How will she know that I love her then?
Dont you think that if you intend to be someone else in your relationship you better call it quit at the very begining?
I want to be myself when married. Or is it some kind of rules I have to follow?
Being yourself and being diplomatic are not mutually exclusive. You need to be yourself, but you need to be allowed to have your own thoughts occasionally. Be willing to compromise, but make sure she is also willing. Share your lives, but do not encroach upon each other. There will be times when you will need counsel from people who is not your wife, it is natural. Out of respect and trust, allow her to do the same. The goal, in the end, is to be together, not to turn imprison each other inside this fortress of marriage--ne dumayesh?
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I'd run home and play dead. Works with bears too.
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appreciate it fellas. I know what its like to be in relationship ( we've been together for almost 4 years). What I was asking is "will anything change after marriage? and if yes should I be doing that "
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Of the marriages that I've seen work, North, the changes are minimal. Generally, the people already live together, already share financial burdens, already know and, at least, tolerate each others' families. The issues of trust and respect never change. What're you left with?
She may or may not change her last name.
You may or may not open a joint account.
The federal government taxes you differently.
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thanks Neubob. but I don't care about formal part...
I enjoy being with her... but is it safe to assume that it will be harder for her to leave after she signs the paperwork. will she trust me more? will she still be honest and reasonable?
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My wife and I have been together for 14 years, married for 10 months. The only reason we made it legal was to protect her interests in our finances. There is no such thing as "common law" in California.
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After 4 yrs if you're still contemplating marriage (for all the wrong reason imo) then it truly should be the last thing on your mind.
Out of curiousity who are you? I only ask cause all 9 of your posts are here in the AH online games "OT" forum. IMO one of the east likeliest places someone surfing the net would stubble upon in a search for relationship advice.
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north?
mr.Black?
Anyone ever see them both at the same party?
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Out of curiousity who are you? I only ask cause all 9 of your posts are here in the AH online games "OT" forum. IMO one of the east likeliest places someone surfing the net would stubble upon in a search for relationship advice.
Would you suggest for me to go to some crappy "yahoo romance" chat?
What kind of advice do you think I might get there...
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Originally posted by north
I can't believe that small piece of paper changes so many things:confused:
Originally posted by DiabloTX
You bet your bellybutton it does.
Many people make a living exploiting that piece of paper.
$50k marriages and $1mil divorces.
When I got married, it changed nothing. Well, actually it made our taxes a little easier to fill out, but that's it.
I think a lot of the issues people have with marriage are actually consequences of marrying the wrong person. You had better be sure your spouse is the correct person for you, because undoing a mistake of this sort is typically neither easy nor painless. Some people just don't live well in a relationship.
Personally, I don't think you should marry or even date a woman who "doesn't trust men". That sounds like a problem just waiting to happen.
I know several guys who married women they didn't really like just because they didn't think they'd find anyone else. Every one of those guys is miserable. My wifey is my best friend.
J_A_B
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Originally posted by Enduro
if she's good in bed and lets you play AH, you done good.
:rofl :lol :rofl :lol
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Originally posted by north
thanks Neubob. but I don't care about formal part...
I enjoy being with her... but is it safe to assume that it will be harder for her to leave after she signs the paperwork. will she trust me more? will she still be honest and reasonable?
Marriage does not change the person, nor should it. It should be, ultimately, an affirmation of everything that already exists. It is a contract that can be severed, albeit with more cost and procedure, and neither gaurantees nor lessons the chances of anything happening. Everything that a marriage is, or will be, is what is brought into it, before it is undertaken. It cannot force anything positive into a relationship, or into a personality. These things, unfortunately, I learned through error, mostly on my part.
Marriage is also something that you do for the benefit of family and tradition. That part may be hardest to reconcile, because it should a moment between the two of you, not a moment between the two of you and a couple hundred over-emotion onlookers.
In short, North, or whoever you are, do not look for marriage to make the changes that you want. It is nothing without everything that came before it. If you want change, or think it may help, look for somebody else to share your life with.
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Sounds like you are not ready. Make sure you arent just putting a downpayment on what you hope is a piece of tail nightly for life instead of entering into a lawful contract to love and cherrish in sickness and in health until one of you dies....its very heavy stuff and must not be taken lightly. A mistake of this magnitute can ruin the entirety of your life, or at least put one hell of a dampner on it....
Make damned sure the woman is your soul mate.
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...date women on T.V. with the help of Chuck Woolery.
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North, my opinion
Nothing wrong with having the question, "Am I ready for this?" because you aint buying car or a house. This is a huge investment with your life
but is it safe to assume that it will be harder for her to leave after she signs the paperwork. will she trust me more? will she still be honest and reasonable?
Trust begins before marriage, Marriage does not lead to trust. If you have any doubts or trust issues now they will only get worse.
We've been through alot, but every time I'm about to loose her I realize that I'm nothing without her, that she is my future and my past and my everything.
do you really believe that? "that I'm nothing without her"? Because if you are nothing without her then you'll still be nothing with her.
Best advice I can give you is communication and empathy. Put yourself in her shoes, look at yourself through her eyes, see what she sees, hear what she hears, feel what she feels. The only way you can do that is talk
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"Would you suggest for me to go to some crappy "yahoo romance" chat?
What kind of advice do you think I might get there..."
No suggestions and no idea. It's just I certainly wouldn't ask for advice on such a serious life-decision (if that is what you're doing and not merely trolling) on an online game webboard. The same way I wouldn't head to an Aubuchon Hardware forum and ask for advice about heart stints or whether or not I should get a pacemaker merely because the others and myself have a fondness for Makita power tools. :)
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I certainly wouldn't ask for advice on such a serious life-decision
Westy, I wasn't asking for advice. I just passed the thoughts I had.:rolleyes:
by the way, the feedback helped alot. Thank you, guys:aok
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Originally posted by Meatwad
I thought the same thing when I first got married, and 3 years later I realised I done the wrong thing and shouldnt of never got married. I really screwed up my life on that one
Took me less than a year, a younger very hot young actress / singer / waitress from up state NY I met who decided I was a big brother she'd like to sex up.. that got me thinking, "why am I passing this up again?... oh yea, married"
A good woman is hard to find though, it's always a tough call.
I'm thinking that even at 38, I'm way too immature for married life... I love to party like a 20 something, go on adventures to seedy dive bars, drink, smoke, hang out till 5am... and talking the chicks is my thing, my buddy calls it the 'gift of gab', but its not.. chicks are just as horny, dirty and want the exact same things we guys do, besides there are a few signs to look for if a girl has noticed you, if I see 1 or 2.. I'll go say hello... still lol, I toss any numbers before getting home and it literally hurts to think I'm throwing away an opportunity for some strange.
Anyway man, take a long look at yourself, are you ready to give up ALL your current AND future chick options.. until you die of old age? Ask your future wife the same thing too.
I'm not built for married life, yet, maybe you are..if so best of luck, if you're not.. run, now, very fast.
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Originally posted by north
thanks Neubob. but I don't care about formal part...
I enjoy being with her... but is it safe to assume that it will be harder for her to leave after she signs the paperwork. will she trust me more? will she still be honest and reasonable?
Nope. Look like shes just testing you with marriage.
Chicks with trust issues will test, and test and test... if this "marry me" is a test, DON'T DO IT UNTIL SHE TRUSTS YOU FOR REAL.
You can pass every test with rose smelling sunshine squirting from your anus, she'll still expect you to leave her.. and in extreme cases, like with my X-GF, she'll create a situation that is engineered to drive you away so she can say "I knew it!!!, I knew all along he'd leave"
I cant believe I'm suggesting this, but last nights episode of Showtimes "Sexual healing" addressed this exact thing.. you should watch it, watch how this ugly fat guy treats his skinny, horny, cute GF like crap.
If you don't have showtime, I think you can buy single shows on itunes. The show really is cheesy, but last nights show, I found fascinating given my past relationship... maybe you will too. Just don't admit watching it to your guys friends.
Edit: I wanted to add.. I spent so much time trying to make my X trust me, doing little things where ever.. she called that "obsession" exactly like the Showtime peeps did. So I ignored her for a year straight, validating her belief I'd leave, as if she had trusted me and I betrayed her. That flushed all chances of hooking up again... I could not have won, she saw to it. Just because you get married doesn't mean she'll give up her life long daily behavior of not trusting you.
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Originally posted by Saintaw
You need more advice from flight sim nerds...
Actually not too long ago some of the best advise I've ever received.
I received from a couple of flight sim nerds that frequent this BBS.
Way I see it. Their opinion isnt any more or less valid then anyone elses.
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Originally posted by Hap
Marriage is a vocation.
No it's not. It takes alot of hard work. :furious
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Originally posted by x0847Marine
Took me less than a year, a younger very hot young actress / singer / waitress from up state NY I met who decided I was a big brother she'd like to sex up.. that got me thinking, "why am I passing this up again?... oh yea, married"
I'm glad that the fact that it would be incest didn't put you off.
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Originally posted by north
appreciate it fellas. I know what its like to be in relationship ( we've been together for almost 4 years). What I was asking is "will anything change after marriage? and if yes should I be doing that "
will anything change?
Aside fro the tongue in cheek stuff (but still all true) I alrady mentioned.
Contemplate this.
If there is a problem with anything before the marriage. it only tends to worsen once your married.
Do NOT get married with the false notion that whatever problem you may have..such as trust. before. Will suddenly be cured by a wedding ring.
This does not happen.
If anything it gets worse.
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My bad I guess. I thought your post began with "should I?"
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If you have to ask yourself and others "Should I?" then you don't have the selfesteem nor the morale fortitude to become a Husband let alone drag a Woman into something you yourself are not sure of.
Drop it, take some time to grow up then reask yourself. Otherwise you are wasting her time and yours ..... and by the time you understand that, there may be children involved. Then they lose also because you were to young to make the right descision.
BTW I've been married now 26 Years, 3 Children. 2 Daughters 24 and 18 and a Son 7. Love it!
If you had to ask you already knew the answer... you don't need us to make up your mind.
Mac
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Originally posted by Thrawn
I'm glad that the fact that it would be incest didn't put you off.
Incest is best kept in the family, son.
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You bet, skippy.
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See Rules #4, #5
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mister north i would like to say i hope you get youre problem with your soon to be segnificant another one soon straightened out cause believe you me and i know whateits like to have problems witht he other species. teh femal gender is another breed to behold. , dont fart in the bed for a good while, shes lible to kick you in the balls, claer history when done surfing dont tip her off to certain things or shell get real hot and i dont mean dasey duke.
feelas give my man north a big harty welcome to the world of married life.
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The Classical Classy Man is, as usual, right!!
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:lol
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A strange lot you all are. What has happened to this game.