Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => Aces High General Discussion => Topic started by: Silat on December 29, 2006, 12:13:25 AM
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Interview with: Steve
Moe sits down with Steve, aka Glans....
Moe: (Bellingham, Washington is a very pretty city, due in no small part
to the constant rainfall. I met Steve at a local watering hole called
Floyd's as per his request. We arrived at exactly the same time and
introduced ourselves in the parking lot. Steve was driving a pick-up
with boxes of what appeared to be household items and personal
possessions in the back. Steve is a short, stocky man with a slight
beer belly of about 35 years of age. He was dressed in jeans, a plain
white T-shirt and boots. His flat top haircut gave him a somewhat
redneck appearance, and there was no doubt, upon looking at him, that he
is definitely a blue-collar worker.
We seated ourselves at the bar where the bartender placed a draft
beer and a shot of Jack Daniels in front of him without being asked. It
was obvious Steve was a regular at Floyd's. I declined the bartender's
offer of a drink.)
Moe: Thank you, Steve, for allowing me to interview you. (Trying to make
small talk) I noticed your truck has a lot of moving boxes in it. Are you
moving?
Steve: (draining shot glass of whiskey) No problem, Moe. It's my
pleasure. (To bartender) Another one, Floyd...(to Moe) yeah, ****, I'm
moving again. It's the second time in the last two months I've had to
move. (Downing shot) I'm going through a divorce, and my last roommate
didn't work out. (To Floyd) Another one, Floyd.
Moe: I'm sorry to hear you're going through a divorce, Steve. What
happened?
Steve: (downing shot) I met another woman and my wife found out about it and kicked me out, the *****. (To Floyd) one more...
Moe: Really? (Looking dubiously at Steve, who doesn't exactly look like
Romeo)? Another woman? Are you kidding me? Was she a co-worker?
Steve: No. I first met her over the Internet. I fell in love with her
immediately, but it took me a year of saving my beer money before I had
the six thousand bucks it took to buy her, plus another four hundred
bucks for shipping and handling. (Drains shot glass; Floyd refills it
without being asked)
Moe: Steve, I'm confused here. Shipping and handling?
Steve: Yeah, Moe. Shipping and handling. See, she was a high tech,
anatomically corrects FEMALE. (Drains shot glass, motions to Floyd for
another) She was beautiful too, Moe...pretty green eyes, a great body,
skin as realistic as my ex wife Agnes's was only without the warts...
Moe: (finally catching on) you spent SIX GRAND on a LOVE DOLL?
Steve: (defensively) Hey, Beverly was a lot more than a love doll! She
NEVER rejected me, she listened to my problems, and the sex was GREAT!
(Drains shot)
Moe: You said you found her on the Internet...Where exactly?
Steve: At http://realdoll.com
Moe: Six Grand??? And you named her Beverly?
Steve: (impatiently) Yeah Moe. ****, I'm trying to tell you what
happened here.
Moe: (to Floyd) Two more shots here, Floyd. (To Steve) So your wife
kicked you out over your love dol...er... over Beverly?
Steve: Yeah, Moe. (Drains shot) I hid Beverly in the crawl space under
the back porch. Agnes played Bingo every Thursday night, so Beverly and
I would get together then. A little drinking, a little dancing, a little
romance. I tell ya, Beverly and I were so happy together. My life was
perfect. Agnes to fix my meals, Beverly to give me the female
companionship I so needed.... (Drains another shot)
Moe: Agnes was.... (Nodding to Steve, drains shot)
Steve: Agnes was my WIFE, Moe. For Christ’s sake, pay attention!
Moe: (to Floyd) two more, please. (To Steve) So how did Agnes find out
about Beverly?
Steve: (downing shot) Well, one day Agnes brought home a kitten. Hell, I
was at work when Agnes found Beverly. That damn cat crawled under the
back porch and Agnes went after her. She saw Beverly lying there in the
crawl space and she panicked. See, she thought Beverly was a real person
and that she was dead, so she called the cops.
Moe: Steve, she looks THAT REAL? (To Floyd) Two more shots, please- and
make them doubles.
Steve: Hell, not only was Agnes fooled, but the cops were fooled too.
Moe: No ****? (Drains shot, signals to Floyd for another) She looked
THAT real?
Steve: (looking Moe directly in the eye) Moe, she FELT real, too.
Moe: Damn.... So what did the cops do?
Steve: Well, I got home and there were cops and crime scene tape
stretched out everywhere. Hell, even the coroner was fooled by Beverly.
He was checking for a pulse and he pronounced her dead. The cops
questioned me and arrested me on the spot.
Moe: They ALL thought she was real?
Steve: Yeah, Moe. I had to talk fast to convince them I hadn't killed
anyone, but eventually they figured it out and had to let me go. They
all got a good laugh out of it though.
Moe: (draining shot) Damn, Steve. So no wonder your wife was pissed.
What'd she do?
Steve: She ripped off Beverly's finger, stripped her naked and tossed us
both out. (Drains shot)
Moe: Ripped off her finger and stripped her naked? WHY??
Steve: Well, I had stolen some of Agnes's jewelry and a few items of
clothing. When she saw her wedding ring on Beverly's finger she went
ballistic and tore her finger off getting her ring back.
Moe: So where did you go?
Steve: Well, I moved in with my buddy SHwk. It was great, too. We played
a lot of Air Warrior and drank a lot of beer, and things were working
out. (Drains shot)
Moe: Damn...she looked that real..... (Drains another shot) so what
happened at SHwk's place?
Steve: Well, I came home early one day and I caught SHwk and Beverly.
They were..They were..(Squeezes eyes shut, shakes head at the memory)
They were...making love. I went crazy. My best friend...My
girlfriend...Seeing them...like that...(drains shot)
Moe: What did you do?
Steve: What happened after that is kinda blurry. I remember grabbing a
butcher knife out of the kitchen and I cut that cheating ****er's head
off. Man, I went absolutely crazy. See, I loved Beverly...I'm sorry now
I did it.
Moe: (horrified) You killed SHwk? By cutting off his HEAD?
Steve: Huh? No, Moe, I didn't cut SHwk's head off.... I cut Beverly's
head off! SHwk did what ANY man would do if they had a chance at a
woman like Beverly. Plus he's my CO, and he's a damn good wingie. But
Beverly was just lying there...letting him do it...I don't think she
struggled at all. In fact I think she ENJOYED it! I HAD to kill one of
them, and Beverly was the obvious choice.
Moe: Damn...(draining another shot) so what did SHwk do?
Steve: Oh, he got all pissed off and threw me out. I grabbed my stuff
and left in a hurry. Damn, he was mad...We haven't spoken to each other
since I caught them together. (Drains shot)
Moe: Whoa...So where is Beverly now?
Steve: She's in a box in the back of my truck.
Moe: (drains shot) Uh...And you say Beverly is anatomically correct in
every way?
Steve: Yep. She came from the factory with three openings.
Moe: How cool...So you can even have...uh..oral sex with her?
Steve: Not any more. When SHwk kicked me out he kept Beverly's head.
(And so Steve and I shared several more shots of Jack Daniels and we
never did get around to talking about Air Warrior. We did talk about the
difference between what is real and what is virtual reality, though, and
how the line between fantasy and reality grows dimmer every day.
That...and we talked about how I could save six grand....)
Moe
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I am at a loss for words.
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Uh, This is AH General Discussion board.
Your obcession with rubber women probably belongs in O'Club.
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Originally posted by Kurt
Uh, This is AH General Discussion board.
Your obcession with rubber women probably belongs in O'Club.
It is an AH topic. Interview with AW pilots. Hows you blowup doll treating you?
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Originally posted by Kurt
Uh, This is AH General Discussion board.
Your obcession with rubber women probably belongs in O'Club.
6- Members are asked to not act as "back seat moderators". Issues with any breach of rules should be brought to HTC's attention via email at support@hitechcreations.com.
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Originally posted by hubsonfire
I am at a loss for words.
Well thats a first... Well done Silat
:D
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Originally posted by TW9
6- Members are asked to not act as "back seat moderators". Issues with any breach of rules should be brought to HTC's attention via email at support@hitechcreations.com.
Aren't you breaking rule 6 by quoting it to me TW9?
BAN THE UNCLEAN BACKDOOR (err Backseat) MODERATOR.... BAN HIM, BAN HIM!
hehe... stooge.
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Originally posted by Silat
Hows you blowup doll treating you?
Pretty good actually... You?
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Originally posted by Kurt
Aren't you breaking rule 6 by quoting it to me TW9?
BAN THE UNCLEAN BACKDOOR (err Backseat) MODERATOR.... BAN HIM, BAN HIM!
hehe... stooge.
lol u there one being the stooge trying to tell people where to post their blow-up doll stories :P
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Originally posted by TW9
lol u there one being the stooge trying to tell people where to post their blow-up doll stories :P
Oh, so now its a paradox where I'm the Rule 6 breaker so you break rule 6 to tell me I am... But you're somehow immune to rule 6?
This feels like an episode of Voyager... I have a headache. How about we both shut up?
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u can shut up.. im going to keep breaking rule 6 :D
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Originally posted by TW9
u can shut up.. im going to keep breaking rule 6 :D
Live the dream brother...
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Originally posted by Kurt
Pretty good actually... You?
I love my new 2 valve model..
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wonder how many people clicked on the link for the real doll website.
:O
Well written story.
Peru
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Originally posted by Kurt
Uh, This is AH General Discussion board.
Your obcession with rubber women probably belongs in O'Club.
When did he switch to women? :lol
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Originally posted by TW9
6- Members are asked to not act as "back seat moderators". Issues with any breach of rules should be brought to HTC's attention via email at support@hitechcreations.com.
umm are you a moderator?? :rofl
Originally posted by Lew/+Silat
I love my new 2 valve model..
I heard your new one also has voice.... Baaaaaaaaaa
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did that doll knows wingman tactics ?
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Originally posted by Silat
That...and we talked about how I could save six grand....)
how'd that work out btw?
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Originally posted by TW9
6- Members are asked to not act as "back seat moderators". Issues with any breach of rules should be brought to HTC's attention via email at support@hitechcreations.com.
One must not break Rule 6, by posting about Rule 6.
Also, one must not break Rule 6, by informing them they DID break Rule 6, by breaking Rule 6. Like I have :)
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Originally posted by Silat
snip
That...and we talked about how I could save six grand....)
Time share? :D
culero (hey, it works for vacation homes!)
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always partial to this one...
Interview with: Nylon
Moe: (The name "Nick Nylon" is as synominous to Hollywood costume
designers as the cpid "Nylon" is to alt monkeys. Being somewhat of a
classic film buff and, admittedly, an alt monkey I was anxious to visit
with Nylon.
He lives in a stylish apartment building not far from Universal
Studios.I had barely raised my finger to the doorbell when an obviously
anxious Nylon flung open the door, waving his arms expansively and
smiling broadly. He's of average height, slightly overweight with a
puffy appearance about his face. His lips are large and pouty. Dressed
in an elaborate pink bathrobe, complete with fringe around the edges,
NYLON looked the part of a Hollywood costume designer-plump, out of
shape and gay. We seated ourselves o_n a white leather sofa in his
immaculately decorated living room. Seated o_n the floor in a corner was
a young man of approximately 18, skinny with dark hair, who was fully
engrossed in a pile of LEGOs. He gave no indication he was aware of my
presence.)
Moe: Thank you, Nylon, for granting me this interview. I understand you
are o_ne of the top costume designers in Hollywood today, besides being
an accomplished pilot o_n Air Warrior.
Nylon: It's my pleasure, Moe. Welcome to our home. (To kid playing with
LEGOs in the corner) Ronnie, would you like to say hi to Moe? (Stares at
Ronnie for 30 seconds, but Ronnie stares intently at his LEGOS,
muttering to himself, ignoring Moe and Nylon) Well...(sighs heavily) I
guess Ronnie just wants to be a snob...(waves hand)
Moe:I see Ronnie really likes those LEGOs. What are you building there,
son? (looks at Ronnie, who continues to ignore them completely)
Nylon: Oh, forget it, Moe. He just took his medication, so he won't talk
for another half hour.
Moe: I see. Is he related to you?
Nylon: Well...yes, kind of. I "adopted" Ronnie from Morocco over the
Internet. I sponsor him for residency, and as long as he does whatever I
say I won't tear up his green card. (Giggles)
Moe: I wasn't aware you could adopt people from foreign countries over
the Internet. And why Morocco?
Nylon: Well, to adopt a Greek boy they do a background check o_n you. A
Moroccan boy was my second choice. I asked for something Medeterranishish but not too...ethnic, and I got Ronnie. (frowns, begins pouting) I was so excited when I saw his picture I didn't read his biography. See, Ronnie is emotionally disturbed. Why, he makes Robert Blake look normal! The poor, poor boy...(sighs) When he first came here I spent hours and hours just holding him, trying to calm him down...(sighs) But...(claps hands) ENOUGH about Ronnie. This is all about ME! (giggles)
Moe: So..You are a big Hollywood costume designer! What are some of your
credits?
Nylon: (places cigarette in long cigarette holder, lights it, crosses
legs, daintily exposing o_ne knee) WELL Moe....(exhales smoke, strikes a Greta Garbo pose) I prefer doing the actors over the actresses. I've worked with alot of the biggies..Jim Neighbors, Rock Hudson, Richard Gere... My last movie was "Gladiator" with Russell Crowe. I did his helmet.
Moe: That movie had great sets! You designed his helmet?
Nylon: No silly...(giggles) I said I DID his helmet! (giggles) It's a
joke..Get it? (blushes)
Moe: (blushes) Uh...no, I don't get it...Uh....
Ronnie: (muttering to himself in corner, holding 2 LEGOs)
...bbbbeeecccchhhhhhh........ ........
Nylon: Why, Ronnie! How is your LEGOs project doing?
Ronnie: (muttering louder, obviously getting frustrated)
..BBBBEEEEECCCCCHHHHHHH...... .PEE PEE!!!!..............
Moe: (looking worried) Is he OK there? Nicky?
Nylon: (to Moe) Yes...but just in case, cover your shins. If he gets too
agitated he'll try and bite your shins. (to Ronnie) Ronnie, you didn't
PRETEND to swallow your medicine, did you?
Ronnie: (screaming, scattering LEGOs everywhere) BBBEEEEECCCHHHH PEE PEE
PEE PEE BEEEEEECCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (screaming, throwing a fit)
Nylon: Ronnie! What have I told you about spitting your pills out? Bad
boy!
Ronnie: BBBEEECCCCHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (screaming, crying) PEE PEE!!
Moe: He's not dangerous, is he? (stands up)
Nylon: Moe! Don't stand up!
Ronnie: (spots Moe standing, begins crawling snake-like towards Moe's
shins) BISH! PEE PEE!
Moe: Oh *****! (Jumps up o_n coffee table just in time to escape the bite
of the serpentine Ronnie) Nylon! Do something!
Nylon: Yoo-hoo! Ronnie! Wanna play your favorite game? The ***** game?
Ronnie: (quits slithering o_n the floor, jumps to his feet) BISH GAME!
BISH GAME! (jumps around excitedly)
Nylon: (to Moe) I'll be right back (prances after the dancing Ronnie
down the hall where they enter a room, returns a minurte later without Ronnie)
Moe: Man, how can you handle that? He is a load. Did you see that? He
tried to bite me!
Nylon: (sighs heavily) Oh yes, the poor boy is a load. But he has
his...tender side, too. BUT... (claps hands)...ENOUGH about Ronnie. Let's talk about Me..Nicky Nylon!
Moe: Great! Nicky, your detractors accuse you of being an alt monkey who
only cherry picks. How high do you fly?
Nylon:I NEVER fly over 50k. Unless, of course, I am grabbing. And I
NEVER cherry pick. There ARE no cherries in Hollywood! (giggles)
Moe:What plane do you prefer?
Nylon: It depends o_n my mood. Sometimes I feel like I need a huge
gun...so I'll fly an A8...Other times I want it REALLY FAST, so I'll fly a Pony... Occasionally I want that BIG GUN REALLY FAST, so I fly a Dora...(giggling) how do YOU like it Moe?
Moe: (blushing) Hmmm..uh... What do you hate most about Air Warrior?
Nylon: That red screen. I look TERRIBLE in red!
Moe: Well, thank you for the interview, Nicky.
Nylon: You have to LEAVE? Already? (pouting)
Moe: Well, yes, I really should be going now.
Nylon: (jumping up, grasping Moe's hand) Oh, COME o_n! Watch me fly!
Moe: Well...OK.
Nylon: (giggles,leads Moe by the hand down hallway) C'mon Moe!! (enters
room where Ronnie is seated in front of the computer) Ronnie, it's my turn.
Ronnie: (ignoring Nylon, typing o_n computer) BISH...PEE PEE...HAN
JUB.....LoLoLoLoL.......GuStA pHo RuLeZ...BISH
Moe: (looking over Ronnie's shoulder) Hey Nylon! Ronnie is playing Air
Warrior!
Nylon: (disgusted) Oh I know, Moe. I can't keep him off the computer.
(to Ronnie) Ronnie, you have to take turns. I get to fly now.
Ronnie: (ignoring Nylon, typing) BISHRELOGE BISH PEE PEE BLOE BISH
LOLOLOL GuStApHoRuLeZ BISH!!
Moe: (notices Ronnie is flying at 35k) Wow! Nylon, Ronnie is at 35k!
Nylon: (to Moe) Oh yeah, he's just asking to get picked. (to Ronnie)
Give me the joystick Ronnie!! (grabs stick)
Ronnie: (hanging o_nto the joystick with a death grip) ME FLY!!! ME
FLY!!!BISH!!!!ME FLY!!!! (squealing loudly)
Nylon: (growing quickly fatigued wrestling Ronnie for the joystick, lets
go) Fine then, Ronnie! I'll just turn off the computer then!
Ronnie: (ignoring Nylon,chuckling, typing) BISH SUCK MEEEEEEEEEEEEE PEE
PEE GeNeRaLzRuLeZ BISH PEE PEE
Nylon: (hand o_n wallswitch, staring at Ronnie) Last chance RuAmL...Are
you going to share the computer?
Moe: RuAmL???
Ronnie: (ignoring Nylon,chuckling, typing) BISH PEE PEE GeNeRaL RuLeZ
EaT sAlAd BzzzzzBICHES LMAOLMAO
Nylon: OK then Ronnie...If I can't play, YOU can't play! (switches
computer off, motions to Moe to leave the room, closes door gently behind them)
Ronnie: (from behind closed door) BISH!!!!PEE PEE!!!! BOOTED!!!!!!!
(screams loudly)
Moe: Uh....Ronnie is RuAmL?
Nylon: Moe, this was supposed to be MY night! He ruins EVERYTHING! Stay,
Moe...He'll fall asleep soon...Would you like some Chardonnay?
Moe: Uh...No, thank you. I have to go now.
Nylon: But I didn't get to tell you about serving as Jim Neighbors' personal valet in Las Vegas! (pouting)
Moe: That's OK, maybe next time.
Nylon: You never even saw me fly! (pouting even more)
Moe: That's OK. o_nce you've seen o_ne alt monkey, you've seen em
all...(exits to sounds of Ronnie screaming)
Moe: (And so I left Hollywood, California, grateful my shins remained
unpunctured, feeling somewhat sorry for what Nicky Nylon has to go through trying to handle Ronnie Ruaml, but, oddly enough, I couldn't help but think of an old kids' playground taunt, albeit with a few variations, o_n the entire flight home:
Two little alt monkeys,
Sitting in a tree,
P-I-C-K-I-N-G.
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walks half blurry eyed to comp, reads BBs, Falls over spilling coffee, ROFL good fkng Read, truely your a weird S.O.B
awesome
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.
(http://www.apriliaforum.com/forums/images/smilies/hail.gif)
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Originally posted by killnu
snip
Nylon: (hand o_n wallswitch, staring at Ronnie) Last chance RuAmL...Are
you going to share the computer?
ROTF! :)
culero
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by far wierdest thread evah..
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I think you can marry yours Silat, I'm sure its legal in one blue state or another ... thanks for sharing your interests with us all ... strange way to express it ... lol
ps
it does belong in the OC though, if it warrants posting at all ..
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I couldn't even bare to read it. After the first paragraph it became self evident that I was going to travel into another mans insanity. No thanks.
I am compelled however, to reply to this thread topic with a loud "PASS".
Thanks
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Umm ah yea.............Was Ron Popeil the designer for that virtual Ho?
:t
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Some of you really need to get a sense of humor... :)
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but I do...:D
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MMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHAAAAA HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA
ROFL Lew :rofl :rofl :rofl
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and don't forget Moe's Interview with Manx (Manx's 10 rules of flying) (http://479th.jasminemarie.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=15)
I do have the rest of Moe's Corner on a disk somewhere. I only reposted the ones that involved people that were in AH at the time.
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Man, I miss Beverly. She was one heck of a woman.
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Originally posted by Silat
Some of you really need to get a sense of humor... :)
I thought it was very funny :D
Do I win a prize?
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I havent seen these in forever, wow.. talk about a blast from the past lol. You guys know who Moe was dont you?? :D
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Originally posted by PK1Mw
You guys know who Moe was dont you?? :D
Cointenly! He was always pokin Curley's eyes out.:)
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Originally posted by PK1Mw
I havent seen these in forever, wow.. talk about a blast from the past lol. You guys know who Moe was dont you?? :D
Sure I sought out Moe, to ask his permission to house his interviews after fc.c went down. And he graciously said yes of course :)
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lol, really all i have to say:)