Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Rolex on March 04, 2007, 05:32:57 PM
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Well, I'm off to prison today. Not really, but I think I understand what it must feel like. I have to stand in line with hundreds of other people, all of us to be held captive in an aluminum prison at 32,000 feet for 13 hours. We have to empty our pockets, take off our belts and waddle around without our shoes as the guards mock us.
The little bag I'm allowed to bring to prison will be searched. My toothpaste will be confiscated and all my hotel-sized bottles placed into a regulation, prison-issued plastic bag. Will my dental floss be confiscated too? Couldn't that be a weapon used by a terrorist orthodontist?
I'll be singled out for special attention by the guards on every stop. I'll have my shoes taken off of me several times before I enter the prison and made to wait each time, looking foolish while sitting in a little chair as other prisoners glare at me with suspicion. You see, I cannot buy an airline ticket with a credit card. Oh, I have plenty of credit cards, but no one in Japan can buy a ticket with a credit card. I can't even use a credit card to buy a ticket directly from Delta Airlines. All airline tickets have to be purchased by bank transfer, so I'm a marked man. I'm labeled as a special threat because I didn't (can't) use a credit card.
After all that humiliation, I get to have lousy prison food thrown onto my tray by scowling "senior" prison guards who get the plum international flights. They always seem to be 50-something battle axes who spend all their time in the galley reading magazines. My legs don't handle 13-hour flights well, so sometimes I like to walk a little. I can't get very far, but even a walk to the back of plane is enough satisfy my aching legs. Sometimes I even ask for a glass of water or coffee from the guards. They are usually very kind to me and grunt something like, "Get it yourself."
Most of the on-board prison matrons have a hard time walking down the aisles on the plane anyway because their hips slap every seat back, startling the prisoners row after row, so I can understand why they like to stay in the back to read magazines and eat salty snacks.
Last, but not least, I pay to go through this.
Then I get to enjoy the immigration and customs people. Thank God I'm landing in Atlanta where the people act normally. The NY, Chicago and Detroit people are brutal and sadistic. I wonder if I'll get the same strange half question I usually get when they examine "my papers?"
"You have a permanent resident visa for Japan?" they usually say with a raised eyebrow.
Resisting the urge to blurt out, "Oh my God! How did that get in there?" I usually just say, "yes," as I look meek and try my best to look harmless.
"There is no exiration date on the visa."
"That would be why they call it permanent."
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Ve vant to see ze papers
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es dis da generals vagen?
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Welcome to the United States please read the rules and become a sheep, mix in with the regular population and we will never see you until its too late.
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i was once traveling through Munich on the way home from snowboarding in Austria. My buddy Jan and I smoking a quick malborough before the flight, sitting on our board bags in the main terminal, geuss we did look kinda dodgy..
Airport security:"You two zer! you vill extingweesh your cigarettes unt come vis us!"
Me:"eerr..ok"
{walking towards a plain white door in a plain white wall, denied more than half a smoke}
Airport security:"why are you visiting Munich airport zis day?"
{cue big mistake}
Jan(still wearing full snowboarding gear and goggles)
"we thought this was where the boats left, we're going on safari"
Airport security: "You vill give me your passports right now"
{bundled into small cramped white room inside plain white wall by 2 x 6'6" storm troopers}
suffice to say we spent the next 15 mins in a small locked room with no windows being rather blatantly threatened with cavity searches if we had so much as a roach butt in our gear. thankfully we were totaly clean.
im pretty sure munich airport has a very good security record in the last 10 years, those security gaurds would not be on my top list of people i would like to fight.
with the current world situation airport security must be a tough job, and we can only be thankfull to those who try to make air travel safer.
edit: also Rolex, sounds to me like youre sick of your routine, you must fly alot. what happened with all the adverts i see showing oriental airliners with personal beds and sky TV? good looking flight atendants that bring you complimentary champers?? :huh
dont tell me tv is lying to me....
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Traveling in Asia on Thai, JAL or Singapore airlines isn't too bad. The attendents are very pleasant and efficient. I'm not a difficult passenger, though. This time is on a US airline and the planes are always packed to the gills since they reduced the number of international flights.
I don't have any problems with immigration or customs people doing their job, btw. I can appreciate what they have to do every day. Maybe I've just been unlucky lately. I seem to end up in a line with someone who has full-blown PMS or a power complex. :)
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We fired the ones with a sense of humor. Some escaped to Song but we got most of them.
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Actually, I think Delta is still head and shoulders above Northwest and United. I'd rather stowaway on a container ship than fly NW or UA international anymore.
I'm away and hunkering for a good, old-fashioned American steak this time tomorrow!
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you weren't trying to smuggle in fake Rolex watches were you?:)
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Next time go to mexico first, then you can come into the USA without a Visa. And you get to exercise your legs as well.
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I used to fly 150,000 miles a year on Delta---I quit the high-paying job because I couldnt #@#%%#% stand dealing with airports anymore---got to where I'd drive from VA to FLA on my own time, rather than deal with it. Had I not quit, would prolly be in jail right now after I'd gone postal with one final dumbarse at metal detector tearig apart my laptop bag and suitcase (If ya gonna take everything out, at LEAST try to remember how it was packed---delicate stuff stays in the MIDDLE, fluff'n @#%%'s
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So what did you bring me?
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Uhhhhmmmm
With respect Rolex, there is one rather central part of prison life which you won't be subjected to.
'Cept of course if you fly Northwest Airlines.
And yes, the tulips on those flight attendants are wider than the aisles.
But after all, they are employed by a bunch of people who thought it would be wise to paint "NWA" on their aircraft.
(http://www.users.bigpond.com/MSN/mhuxtable/newbaaner.gif)
Yo yo.
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DONT TAKE A DUMP ON THE DRINK CART
I KNOW, IT SEEMS LIKE A GREAT IDEA, BUT DONT
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Originally posted by Rolex
Well, I'm off to prison today. Not really, but I think I understand what it must feel like. I have to stand in line with hundreds of other people, all of us to be held captive in an aluminum prison at 32,000 feet for 13 hours. We have to empty our pockets, take off our belts and waddle around without our shoes as the guards mock us.
The little bag I'm allowed to bring to prison will be searched. My toothpaste will be confiscated and all my hotel-sized bottles placed into a regulation, prison-issued plastic bag. Will my dental floss be confiscated too? Couldn't that be a weapon used by a terrorist orthodontist?
I'll be singled out for special attention by the guards on every stop. I'll have my shoes taken off of me several times before I enter the prison and made to wait each time, looking foolish while sitting in a little chair as other prisoners glare at me with suspicion. You see, I cannot buy an airline ticket with a credit card. Oh, I have plenty of credit cards, but no one in Japan can buy a ticket with a credit card. I can't even use a credit card to buy a ticket directly from Delta Airlines. All airline tickets have to be purchased by bank transfer, so I'm a marked man. I'm labeled as a special threat because I didn't (can't) use a credit card.
After all that humiliation, I get to have lousy prison food thrown onto my tray by scowling "senior" prison guards who get the plum international flights. They always seem to be 50-something battle axes who spend all their time in the galley reading magazines. My legs don't handle 13-hour flights well, so sometimes I like to walk a little. I can't get very far, but even a walk to the back of plane is enough satisfy my aching legs. Sometimes I even ask for a glass of water or coffee from the guards. They are usually very kind to me and grunt something like, "Get it yourself."
Most of the on-board prison matrons have a hard time walking down the aisles on the plane anyway because their hips slap every seat back, startling the prisoners row after row, so I can understand why they like to stay in the back to read magazines and eat salty snacks.
Last, but not least, I pay to go through this.
Then I get to enjoy the immigration and customs people. Thank God I'm landing in Atlanta where the people act normally. The NY, Chicago and Detroit people are brutal and sadistic. I wonder if I'll get the same strange half question I usually get when they examine "my papers?"
"You have a permanent resident visa for Japan?" they usually say with a raised eyebrow.
Resisting the urge to blurt out, "Oh my God! How did that get in there?" I usually just say, "yes," as I look meek and try my best to look harmless.
"There is no exiration date on the visa."
"That would be why they call it permanent."
Did it make you feel safer?
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Originally posted by Pei
Did it make you feel safer?
Rolex forgot to post a picture of himself
(http://www.pbs.org/frontlineworld/stories/afghanistan/images/turban.jpg)
It didn't make him feel safer, but it made the other passengers.
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Originally posted by Rolex
Actually, I think Delta is still head and shoulders above Northwest and United. I'd rather stowaway on a container ship than fly NW or UA international anymore.
I'm away and hunkering for a good, old-fashioned American steak this time tomorrow!
We wish a safe and uneventful journey to you, Rolex-san.
Regards,
Sun
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I enjoyed my last international flight, Rota Spain to Baghdad via C-5A... they even let me carry on my M16. :D
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Hankering, son, HANKERING!
The idea of you "hunkering" a steak is a bit too much info!
;)
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I have no idea what asian airlines are like... I imagine if they had any political power in japan tho they would be targets for terrorists and then I can just imagine the way japan would handle it.
I do everything I can to not fly these days. I haven't flown a commercial flight in years.. I try not to go near airports. It just pisses me off.
none of the things they do make me feel in the least bit safer. The only thing that would make me feel safer on flights is if they allowed cops and people with concealed carry permits to have firearms on board.
I am not worried about the other passengers so much as I am someone shooting the plane down from the ground or another aircraft.
lazs
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How would the cop or CCW permit holder stop the shoulder fired missile or make you feel in the least bit safer about your primary worry?
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well.. the risk for getting shot down is slim and.. there is nothing I can do about it in any case. I would just have to ignore it.
The risk of someone getting violent on the plane is higher. I would feel a lot safer if I could defend myself with a proper weapon.
You worry about the stuff you can do something about not the things you have no control over.
Does that make sense?
lazs
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well.. the risk for getting shot down is slim and.. there is nothing I can do about it in any case. I would just have to ignore it.
Steve Levitt has a theory about that.
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Originally posted by lazs2
well.. the risk for getting shot down is slim and.. there is nothing I can do about it in any case. I would just have to ignore it.
The risk of someone getting violent on the plane is higher. I would feel a lot safer if I could defend myself with a proper weapon.
You worry about the stuff you can do something about not the things you have no control over.
Does that make sense?
lazs
Do you also worry about being killed by a rock falling from space? Statistically you're more likely to get killed by such a rock than by terrorism.
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steve levitt the economist?
If I am going to read an economist who does crime studies then I am going to read the premier one... John Lott.
lazs
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Don't let Fox News know Viking.
They'll pump up the folks killed by space rock #'s.
hap
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Viking, worrying about things you can do nothing about is a waste of time.
Rocks of death are one of those, homo kalashnikus aren't.
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Originally posted by Xargos
Next time go to mexico first, then you can come into the USA without a Visa. And you get to exercise your legs as well.
Think again. Anyone changing planes in a foreign country and coming on to the US will still require a Visa. But, it sounds like Rolex is an American Citizen atleast and will only require his passport.
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"I do everything I can to not fly these days. I haven't flown a commercial flight in years.. I try not to go near airports. It just pisses me off."
if you avoid going near or doing things that piss you off how do you manage to ever leave the house? ;)
Hi Laz
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Originally posted by Rolex
Traveling in Asia on Thai, JAL or Singapore airlines isn't too bad. The attendents are very pleasant and efficient. I'm not a difficult passenger, though. This time is on a US airline and the planes are always packed to the gills since they reduced the number of international flights.
I don't have any problems with immigration or customs people doing their job, btw. I can appreciate what they have to do every day. Maybe I've just been unlucky lately. I seem to end up in a line with someone who has full-blown PMS or a power complex. :)
there is nothing more appealing to the dead end jobbed customs officer than the sight of a succesfull looking business man who has had a stressfull flight....i would wager :D
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You were...were...INCONVENIENCED at an AIRPORT!? Stop, or I'll bust out cryin'!
Reality is a beach, aint it. Tell the truth...yo mama spoit ya as a chile, right?
My man, mens, whatever....things aren't EVER going to go back to the way they were before 911....with only cursory checks of passengers and baggage boarding flights.
And I'll bet ya your statical chances of becoming a victim of terrorism will rise dramatically when they manage to get their hands on a nuke.
One of our cities being turned into a bunch of free-floating molecules may be the only thing that will hold your attention long enough to get you to take the threat of terrorism as a serious, and more or less permanent, threat.
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Originally posted by Shuckins
You were...were...INCONVENIENCED at an AIRPORT!? Stop, or I'll bust out cryin'!
Reality is a beach, aint it. Tell the truth...yo mama spoit ya as a chile, right?
My man, mens, whatever....things aren't EVER going to go back to the way they were before 911....with only cursory checks of passengers and baggage boarding flights.
And I'll bet ya your statical chances of becoming a victim of terrorism will rise dramatically when they manage to get their hands on a nuke.
One of our cities being turned into a bunch of free-floating molecules may be the only thing that will hold your attention long enough to get you to take the threat of terrorism as a serious, and more or less permanent, threat.
You have obviously never watched a silver-haired, 60-something woman in a walker be taken apart at a metal detector or at baggage screening, while an obvious Arab-looking gentleman went right through. Terrorists are evil, but they are not masters of DISGUISE:furious
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All passengers should go thru a cavity search, that would make us safe.
shamus
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i'm not afraid of the terrorists, the democrats said they will protect me.
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bj....did you really see that happen to an elderly lady with a walker....or are you just bull-shirting us to make a point?
By the way....I spent an entire summer in the Middle East...where EVERY airport security agent takes the threat of terrorism VERY seriously. That was in '93. After spending a month in Cairo, my group crossed into Israel at Eilat. You haven't SEEN security until you've been to Israel.
After a month in the Egyptian sun, touring archaeological sites, I was deeply tanned and bearded. My head had been shaved to the point of baldness before I left the states. I was dressed conservatively like most of the people of that region. Some of my own group said I looked like a middle-aged arab.
During that summer sojourn, Israeli security went through my bags in London, Ben Gurion airport, at Eilat, and in Ben Gurion again when we departed Tel Aviv for our connection in Athens......where Greek security went through them again.
The Egyptians weren't any more lax than the Israelis. I went through one security check point near Luxor three times, setting off the metal detector every time I went through it...even after emptying my pockets of all coins, odds and ends metallic and various accoutrements. I was expecting to be strip searched at that point, until they decided that it was the metal eyelets on my hiking boots that were setting off the alarm.
Yet, I didn't gripe and moan and whine and belly-ache about it. They had very GOOD reasons for being that thorough.....as do our own security agents, whether spoiled Americans are ready to admit it or not.
Six years without a repeat of 911 has put our people back to sleep again....
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Originally posted by Shuckins
bj....did you really see that happen to an elderly lady with a walker....or are you just bull-shirting us to make a point?
By the way....I spent an entire summer in the Middle East...where EVERY airport security agent takes the threat of terrorism VERY seriously. That was in '93. After spending a month in Cairo, my group crossed into Israel at Eilat. You haven't SEEN security until you've been to Israel.
After a month in the Egyptian sun, touring archaeological sites, I was deeply tanned and bearded. My head had been shaved to the point of baldness before I left the states. I was dressed conservatively like most of the people of that region. Some of my own group said I looked like a middle-aged arab.
During that summer sojourn, Israeli security went through my bags in London, Ben Gurion airport, at Eilat, and in Ben Gurion again when we departed Tel Aviv for our connection in Athens......where Greek security went through them again.
The Egyptians weren't any more lax than the Israelis. I went through one security check point near Luxor three times, setting off the metal detector every time I went through it...even after emptying my pockets of all coins, odds and ends metallic and various accoutrements. I was expecting to be strip searched at that point, until they decided that it was the metal eyelets on my hiking boots that were setting off the alarm.
Yet, I didn't gripe and moan and whine and belly-ache about it. They had very GOOD reasons for being that thorough.....as do our own security agents, whether spoiled Americans are ready to admit it or not.
Six years without a repeat of 911 has put our people back to sleep again....
I may be wrong here Shuckins but I think the original post was tongue in cheek for the most part.
If I fly I expect to be strip searched (actually it can kind of be fun if you're expecting it... think red kool aide and green dye) and I loathe dealing with carry on crap anyway. Give me a book, xanax, and alcohol, and I'll sit peacfully and cheerfully until I go to that great lala land where I dream I'm an uber pilot landing 12 kills per sortie... But I'm stupid and don't need a lot of stimulation to be happy :)
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Shuckins, you're lamenting that Rolex is lamenting that..
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Originally posted by Shuckins
bj....did you really see that happen to an elderly lady with a walker....or are you just bull-shirting us to make a point?
By the way....I spent an entire summer in the Middle East...where EVERY airport security agent takes the threat of terrorism VERY seriously. That was in '93. After spending a month in Cairo, my group crossed into Israel at Eilat. You haven't SEEN security until you've been to Israel.
After a month in the Egyptian sun, touring archaeological sites, I was deeply tanned and bearded. My head had been shaved to the point of baldness before I left the states. I was dressed conservatively like most of the people of that region. Some of my own group said I looked like a middle-aged arab.
During that summer sojourn, Israeli security went through my bags in London, Ben Gurion airport, at Eilat, and in Ben Gurion again when we departed Tel Aviv for our connection in Athens......where Greek security went through them again.
The Egyptians weren't any more lax than the Israelis. I went through one security check point near Luxor three times, setting off the metal detector every time I went through it...even after emptying my pockets of all coins, odds and ends metallic and various accoutrements. I was expecting to be strip searched at that point, until they decided that it was the metal eyelets on my hiking boots that were setting off the alarm.
Yet, I didn't gripe and moan and whine and belly-ache about it. They had very GOOD reasons for being that thorough.....as do our own security agents, whether spoiled Americans are ready to admit it or not.
Six years without a repeat of 911 has put our people back to sleep again....
I used to fly 150 THOUSAND miles per year.
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Rolex-
You can solve your situation so simply...
Wait 'till you get to about 3K, hit Enter 3 times in rapid succession, wait 3 seconds and hit O.
You'll be home in the MA in no time!;)
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Originally posted by moot
Viking, worrying about things you can do nothing about is a waste of time.
Rocks of death are one of those, homo kalashnikus aren't.
And how exactly does worrying about terrorism help? What can you as an individual really do about it?
Worrying about terrorism … is the purpose of terrorism. If you worry, they’ve won.
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Worry, in the "concern yourself with" sense.
Armed passengers can take out hijackers, or die trying.. what would you do?
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viking... you missed the point. I am not worried about terrorists or about falling rocks or about a seat belt actually saving my life or a helmet.
I have never had anything hit my eye while using a drill but have using a wire wheel... I have had bad people try to assault me and I find a gun works just fine for making them change their mind.
All bad guys are equal if they use equal methods. I want to be armed. Not against terrorists per se. I don't worry about a shoulder fired tow rocket cause I can't do anything about it.
To make it simple.. I don't wear a seat belt in my Lincoln but I wear em in my hot rods... I don't wear safety glasses when I paint or drill but I do when I grind or use a wire wheel. I don't think that everyone needs to be searched but I do feel that citizens of sound mind and adult age should be able to carry and defend themselves with firearms even on aircraft..
It is just a matter of risk assesment.
I see almost all of the current precautions used on airlines as worthless and extremely off putting. I would not put myself through such a ridiculous routine unless absolutely necessary.
lazs
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Originally posted by Viking
And how exactly does worrying about terrorism help? What can you as an individual really do about it?
Worrying about terrorism … is the purpose of terrorism. If you worry, they’ve won.
Excellent response Viking, perception is everything, If you perceive things like the snipers/IED's finding you then they will...