Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ripsnort on August 15, 2007, 08:24:41 AM
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New Rule : Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the basketball team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.
New Rule : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?
New Rule : Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule : If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule : Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his bellybutton will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the a-hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half- soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge a-hole
New Rule : I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They're already doing that--It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule : I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule : If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other show.
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:)
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:lol That's good writing, Rip. :aok
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:rofl :aok
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:rofl
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:rofl :rofl :rofl
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that just made my day :aok
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Thanks for that one, Rip!!! :aok
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Originally posted by SoulTakr
that just made my day :aok
WTFG Soul!!!
Good post Rip!
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First Class RIP! :rofl :rofl :rofl
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:rofl
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RIP that was great!
You should have been an Motivational Speaker.
Now about that Chineese Character above my Arse....
She's clean.
:D
Mac
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:rofl
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Shame on you Ripsnort.
scroll about 1/3 way down the page, to the George Carlin excerpt (http://www.jeffmackinnon.com/)
At the very least, credit the old hack when you're copying and pasting.
:D
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Originally posted by Neubob
Shame on you Ripsnort.
scroll about 1/3 way down the page, to the George Carlin excerpt (http://www.jeffmackinnon.com/)
At the very least, credit the old hack when you're copying and pasting.
:D
Ohhhhh soooo Busted!!!!!
:O
Mac
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Originally posted by Neubob
Shame on you Ripsnort.
scroll about 1/3 way down the page, to the George Carlin excerpt (http://www.jeffmackinnon.com/)
At the very least, credit the old hack when you're copying and pasting.
:D
They are actually from Bill Maher. Shame on YOU believing that every piece of comedy comes from Carlin.
http://www.hbo.com/billmaher/new_rules/
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George Carlin’s Rules for 2007
Posted in Everything Else on January 22nd, 2007
Maher's post May 25th, 2007....?
Where did you think Maher came up with this idea? If it wasn't for Carlin, Maher would still be working in Clubs on a hope and a Prayer.
Not one thing posted from RIP of Carlins appear in the lil Link you submitted.
Carlin is Older... I give him the Credit.
:aok
Maher is just a wannabee.
Mac
"Youth is wasted on the young and wisdom on the infirmed.. I'm seeking the Middle.... Young and Dumb."
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Originally posted by Mickey1992
They are actually from Bill Maher. Shame on YOU believing that every piece of comedy comes from Carlin.
http://www.hbo.com/billmaher/new_rules/
Oh come on! Every piece?!
Quite the contrary. I firmly believe that gray-haired liberals can be credited with a vast majority of the good comedy produced in this country.
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I wrote this the other day, thought it was pretty good....
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
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Originally posted by AWMac
George Carlin’s Rules for 2007
Posted in Everything Else on January 22nd, 2007
Maher's post May 25th, 2007....?
Where did you think Maher came up with this idea?
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/newrules.asp
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Can you imagine being a teacher in the Internet Age? Instant genius essays everywhere.
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Not mine, forwarded email. About 1 out of 1000 email jokes make me laugh, this was did! :rofl
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Originally posted by Ripsnort
Not mine, forwarded email.
I have a buddy who attempted a retroactive citation on a term paper in his freshman year of college....
He waits tables in a mountain town in Northern California now.
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Originally posted by Ripsnort
New Rule : If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
Well I took this rule to heart.
When I called my brother and told him I just tossed my card collection, he asked me, "You didn't throw away the Honus Wagner card did you?"
He told me that if I didn't go dumpster diving I would regret it. Apparently it has some collector value.
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:rofl
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still funny:lol
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Bravo, Bravo!
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:rofl