Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: lutrel on January 30, 2008, 05:47:56 PM
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This story, still to this day, brings tears to all my buddies’ eyes. It was a cold February night in North East Texas with a full moon that lit up all the hay fields along the road side. I was on my way home from a long evening of fixing B-52s for the largest non profit organization in the world, and was getting with-in a few miles of being home.
I was in my old Nissan Pick Up and was the only one on the road for miles so I was going a little fast for the narrow lane road when I suddenly saw a deer jump the fence on the left side of the road up a head of me. I got into the brakes until I saw the deer clear the road in front of me, and then got back on the gas. I was just then patting myself on the back about how my superior driving skills had saved the deer and my little truck from certain damage, when all of the sudden the whole fence row just ahead of me lit up with moon light reflecting off of deer sides…………..lots of em too.
I slammed on my brakes, but it was no use, there were deer everywhere. I hit three deer with the front of the truck just before I got stopped, and then two more ran into the side of the truck after I got stopped. Deer were jumping around the truck everywhere as I sat there in disbelief. One by one they all got up and ran off, except one lying out in front of the truck. So I got out of the truck and took a look at the poor little doe lying in the head lights with a bone sticking out of her leg, looking all lifeless and crap. Being the redneck that I am, I said to myself “Damn, she’ll cook up good”. So, I picked up the poor lifeless doe and put her in the back of the truck, then cut its throat so it would start to bleed out then headed off to the house.
Well, I pulled into the driveway and shut off the truck. As I was gathering up my cell phone and crap to get out, I had my door open and dome light on, I was very startled to see, at a glance in my rear view mirror, a bloody face looking at me through the back glass of the truck cab. Needless to say, I may have accidentally screamed like a little girl for a split second. Then I got my wits about me and thought well, this ought not be too bad; she’s already been run over and had her throat cut.
So I was feeling pretty confident as I got out of the truck with my knife again to finish the deed. She was lying on her belly in the bed of the truck and we were eye to eye as I was deciding my next move. I figured I’d just grab her by the ear and get a better cut on her throat; it was a good plan I felt. As I got a good grip on her ear with my left hand she suddenly freaked out and in one bound was on her feet and rearing up to box me with her front legs. I still had a hold on her ear and this kept her from getting a full swing at me as she was boxing with me.
She would rare up and box, I’d block with my right fore arm then jab at her with the knife. This went on for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only about a 30 second round, with the doe a clear winner of that round. A little voice in my head told me to “let go of the deer stupid”, so I did and took a few steps back to figure on my next move. It suddenly clicked in my head that I am a gun owner and do not have to subdue my dinner with a knife.
So I walked over to the bed room window, where inside my darling wife Tammie was sleeping peacefully, and beat on the window to wake her up. I told her “Baby it’s me, meet me at the door with the pistol”. She met me at the door and I traded the bloody knife for the pistol and with out explaining, I went back to the truck for round two.
I was hoping with all my might that I find the deer dead in the bed of the truck, but to my dismay she was a live and I’d even venture to say still very agitated. I thought, well I don’t want to shoot my truck, so I’m just gonna grab her by the ear and pull her head up and then “BANG” I would be the victor.
I grabbed her by the ear again, but before I could do anything she had leaped onto her feet again. But this time instead of boxing with me, she, for lack of a better description, just started leaping into the air. This would not have been a problem except I still had her by the ear, so when she jumped up I pulled her up and over me in the air by her ear. I realized my mistake just in time to let go and run backwards a few steps as she landed between me and my pickup.
I watched in disbelieve as she jumped up and turned away from me to run off, but instead, ran into my still opened truck door and then in the next instant leaped into the cab of my truck. You guys have no idea how much thrashing a wounded deer will do inside a truck cab, nor do you know how bad deer blood will smell after a few days in upholstery. Anyway, after a few seconds the deer found its way out of the truck and fell out on the ground.
She then looked up at me and crawled up under my truck like she was a dog. I could not believe this deer had just kicked my butt and then destroyed the inside of my truck. So now I was mad and would have followed this deer through hell and back to finish her off.
I got down on the ground to see if I had a shot under the truck; I didn’t want to shoot my gas tank or ruin a tire. I saw that I would have a clear shot from between the front tires, so I crawled up under the truck and lined up for a head shot. Just as I took the shot I was thinking I hope it’s not going to be too loud under here, when “BLAM”. I couldn’t hear crap, just a loud ringing; but I was the clear winner of round two!!
As I crawled out from under the truck I saw Tammie on the front porch saying something, but damned if I could here her. My poor wife thought I had just killed somebody as all she could see were two shadows fighting in the front yard. I used to watch those shows on TV “when animals attack” and think “what a dumb ass” how could any body get in a situation like that? Now days I’m not so critical of other rednecks mistakes.
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:aok
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This is exactly the reason why I stopped carrying a pen knife in my butt crack and now carry a .38. I’ve got to clench a bit tighter, but knowing I’m that much safer from these crazy deers makes it worth it.
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(http://www.mofizixgr4fix.com/images/deer.jpg)
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Maybe the deer just wanted to live, and didn't want to get eaten.
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If deer weren't meant to be eaten, God wouldn't have made them delicious and too dumb to look both ways.
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:rofl
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OMG, true or not, thats hilarious. A pissed off wounded deer catches you right with a hoof, and you could be in for a very bad day.
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Originally posted by Treize69
If deer weren't meant to be eaten, God wouldn't have made them delicious and too dumb to look both ways.
But why did God make humans taste like sweet delicious chicken?
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Actually I think human flesh tastes like a saulisbury steak.
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Deer Fights back against Hunter... Guy would never live this down.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0GNwjkg7ho
...-Gixer
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Originally posted by Treize69
Actually I think human flesh tastes like a saulisbury steak.
Where do you get your meat, out back of the old folks home? Try a toddler, more tender and juicy.
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Older = more flavor.
If I want tender and juicy, I'll eat fruited Jell-O.
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Ahh, eskimo...:rofl
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You should have cut the head off:D
Anyway, I recall an occation on a friends farm, where two tied bulls started fighting so fiercly that they wrapped their neckchains together. One of them was just exactly dead when we arrived there.
I had a pocketknife and went working on the throat, while my friend went to get a tractor with a frontloader.
It was a blunt 4 inch knife,so it was some work,but I got the blood out allright, and by the time my friend was back I had the head off :D
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:rofl
Reminds me of that well circulated 911 call about the deer.
"Get me a Bambulance"
"The GD deer bit me."
:D
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Great story, I hope the upholstery comes out OK. Maybe you needed to get the seats redone anyhow. :aok
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Originally posted by Gixer
Deer Fights back against Hunter... Guy would never live this down.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0GNwjkg7ho
...-Gixer
The guy in the video had put musk oil on himself and had his wife video tape it. Forgot the reason why he put musk oil on but it wasn't very smart to approach a buck during mating season with it on.
ack-ack
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Originally posted by Ack-Ack
The guy in the video had put musk oil on himself and had his wife video tape it. Forgot the reason why he put musk oil on but it wasn't very smart to approach a buck during mating season with it on.
ack-ack
So it wanted to mate with him?
ewwwwwwwww..........
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After reading that, wiping off the monitor and shaking the keyboard upside down...I just gotta ask myself.
"What would Serenity do?"
I also tell myself... "I know what Meatwad would do."
Good stuff!
All Hail the Victor!!!!
:aok
Mac
*Please forward a copy to PETA* :D