Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: LePaul on February 22, 2008, 12:29:17 AM
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One of my coworkers emailed this around. I got a few good belly laughs out of these. Enjoy!
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?". Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and
gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use
the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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/\/\/\ :aok :rofl :rofl :rofl :t :noid
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Hahhaha. I actually laughed out loud to a few of those.
Thanks
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A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"
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:lol